December 2009 Newsletter

Greetings, Kia Ora koutou katoa we hope this finds you all well.

We can and do make a difference in a child’s life. We ALL walk this path and share this journey together.

 On behalf of the Board of Trustees we wish you all a joyous, stress-free Christmas.

The GRG National Office will be closed from 22nd December until January 15^th 2010.

   Your Voices:                                        

I am so happy to know that Barbara Sterling is our new support group leader in Dargaville and I wish her well as there are so many grandparents in this district that are stressing out with parents mainly, than their mokopuna, I honestly believe that the children are not at fault and they have no one else but the grandparents to lean on, I still have full guardianship over 5 mokos and 1 other moko under my wing which I've had since the age of 4 she is now 12 and also my husband's niece whom we inherited since the age of 15 she is now 53 (IHC) Even though the 5 children are with their parents fulltime I keep monitoring because of the P" issue in the past. I'm well and healthy and have a heart of gold, unfortunately I lost my husband 5 months ago with bone cancer he was diagnosed at 49 and lived 10yrs of his life sharing the task of taking care of the mokos I may have had a huge work load but our "faith" has been my power of strength (Catholic) I enjoy the newsletters that are emailed to me, please continue this You may want to share this to other grand parents. 

My sincere Regards & Aroha.........Myna

 Teenagers:

You might like to know that even with the typical teenage trials, Jimmy is doing ever so much better since we moved down here.  He is now 15 and a big strapping lad.  He wasn’t doing especially well at High School (seemed to get lost in the large school – over 1,800 pupils) so a couple from our church took him under their wing and now pay his school fees to go to Adventist School where he is just blossoming (travels by bus into school every day). 

He went to this couple’s farm for the school holidays to do some work for them and had a ‘Wow’ time, helped with a building project, learned to drive the farm Ute, saw a cattle beast killed for meat, helped with the bees (they’re apiarists too) and just learned so much.  They’ve asked him back for some of the next holidays. 

He is getting baptised (we practice adult full immersion baptism) in our church next weekend and his 2 younger siblings are flying down to be with him (at Grandma’s expense).  The Adventist School are really proud of Jimmy too and the Principal has indicated that he will be considered for Prefectship in year 12.  He is involved in many things through the school and the church and also an organisation called ‘Big Brothers, Big Sisters’.

This week is an example of his life now:  Tues afternoon = sports practice, Wed afternoon = sports match (touch rugby & they won), tonight (Fri) = ‘Fuse’ group (Teenage monthly social group through church/school), tomorrow = church in morning followed by a birthday party which includes a walk rally as opposed to a car rally through until evening followed by a DVD/movie night, Sunday = Golf with his mentor from Big Brothers, Big Sisters.  He still has to fit in his chores & mow the lawns amongst this lot.  We are exhausted keeping up with him and he will be really grumpy on Sunday night.  Thankfully he doesn’t have so many social activities every week but spends a lot of time on the computer – plays a lot of chess there – also plays chess at school.

From small beginnings etc. ...............

Who would have thought all this possible just a few years ago?  We’ve struggled at times with him but the progress has been mighty.  This could be really encouraging for all those GRG’s just starting their journey.

 Golden Age -By Rebecca  Alexandria Wilson. Age 11 years

Rebecca is being raised by her grandparents Roger & Penelope Munn.

With a warm smile my grandma always seems to brighten every corner of the house. With her black frizzy hair and her brown eyes like a moon on a dark night from far away, she is loving and she is my grandma.

She is a retired old lady but is still alive in side herself. Her clothes describe her in a good way. She wears ponchos and cardigans when she is feeling alive and happy. She also wears dark clothes like t-shirts and trousers which are normally black, when she is feeling sad or angry.

Like a bird she sometimes likes staying in the nest and sometimes leaving it. What she likes is going to the beach, playing with dogs and eating avocados. She writes books and poetry but now she has no time to any more.

She is generous and kind. She used to give out lollies to the classes at school. And she always helps anyone when they have got a problem or if something bad happening in their life. That’s the best thing about her. She believes if you give to others you will receive.

With a warm heart she never seems to get boring. With a smile she can brighten anyone who is down. And she has always has a kind heart for anyone.

 Hot Water Bottles;

Check these out to see that they are not showing signs of perishing. I had injured my lower back and had just filled it with near boiling water, placed it behind my lower back and it split causing a small burn. Husband’s comment, “never seen you move so quickly in years” gave him the ‘look’, then came the concern.               Nan D

 We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

 She’s Mobile:

19 year old grand-daughter has just purchased a 50cc motor scooter for commuting to Uni with a little help from us. We followed behind her on her first road trip to make sure she was safe. Upon returning home, she said, “I looked really great on “Maggie” (as she calls it) everyone was smiling at me, people were so friendly”. What she did not know was we had a sign on the back of our wagon saying. “Please pass with care, Grandchild on her first trip on scooter in front of us”                                                                                                                                     Nan & Pop

 

Garrison Keillor an American author wrote the following;

Nothing you ever do for children is wasted.

They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.

 Inspirational Story:

Kia Ora

 I would like to share my story about my four grandsons who I have full custody of.  They are aged 8, 6, 5, 4. I have had the 6 year old since he was 4months old and the 4 year old since he was 5 months old. I have had the 5 year old since he was 2 and the 8 year old since he was 5.  I also have two daughters who are 15, 28, and a son

People say to me I don't know how you do it, you don't have a life, I hope they are grateful to you when they grow up and blah blah, but I say to them if it wasn't for my grandsons I wouldn't be the person I am today - they led me on to another one of life's great journeys and I am thankful that the Lord sent them my way.

 I am so proud of all of them.Kind Wishes. Denise Proctor.

 From the GRG Office:

Do you need some Family Court advice?

You can chat to Alison Cuthbert (our GRG field Officer) on free phone 0800 345671. Please do not use this 0800 number if calling from Auckland; use 445 9671 instead.

I have been a Family Court Counsellor with the North Shore Court for some years and while every situation is different I am aware of the various options available to GRG's to utilise and I try to make contact with Family Court Co-ordinators who all hold a wealth of knowledge.

I am not an expert by any means but have been a social worker for many years and am also an independent Adoption Counsellor and believe that when there are questions to be asked I have a good knowledge of those procedures. Alison.

Respite Care offer for Christchurch members: Ongoing

My family lives in Avonhead, Christchurch and we are interested in helping a child that is being raised by Grandparents in the area of Christchurch.

We have been accepted as Foster Parents by Child, Youth and Family so have gone through all the checks.  We have decided rather than be Foster Care parents we would rather help a GRG Family with respite care.

We have one six year old boy ourselves and would love to help a child in the area in a settled home with Grandparents in the school holidays, ongoing.   I am 41 and my husband is 39 and we have a lovely home and are devoted parents.  I work as a teacher aid at Russley School and my husband works at the City Council as an Engineer.  We have the space and energy in the school holidays to support a child being raised by Grandparents whom need a break or want to do something for themselves.

A child from 5-8 years would be ideal.  A girl would be our first preference but a settled boy is fine too.  We would love our son to have a long term relationship with a child in the area that could be seen as a special friend.

If you would like to apply for your grandchild could you please phone Di on free phone 0800472 637 - they would like to help a child who has been with grandparent/s for a period of time so as not to disrupt their attachment to the grandparent/s.

What is going on out there?

We are being inundated with calls from Grandparents who have just had the grandchildren dumped on them, parents just gone or do not want them! And they all had 3 grandchildren each! 5 sets of grandparents in 2 days!

Disability Allowance: Work & Income

Received a letter from W & Income dated 2/11/09 asking me to phone them in regard to this for my granddaughter. I phoned them straight away and noted on the letter the time I spoke to them, who I spoke to and the date. Guess what! Got a letter dated 26/11/09 saying they had cancelled it as I had not responded! But I could apply for a review but I would have to go and pick up papers to fill in. Thank goodness I ALWAYS keep these types of letters. I phoned them and stated all I had written on the letter, he checked and said yes there was a note on their computer. He agreed that they would reinstate it from the day it was cancelled. Yes and I want a letter of confirmation. Sheesh!                                                                                                                          Di

Respite Camps Free for GRG Children April 2010. (Next round)

Again there is an application date close off: 26 February 2010. Ages 5-12 years.
The April 2010 Programme dates are:
A four day camp from 6 April to 9 April (excludes Easter Monday)
A five day camp from 12 April to 16 April.

Maunu Children’s Health Camp, Whangarei	Pakuranga Children’s Health Camp, Auckland
Princess of Wales Children’s Health Camp, Rotorua	Te Kainga Whaiora Children’s Village, Gisborne
Otaki Children’s Health Camp, Otaki Wellington
Glenelg Childrens Health Camp, Christchurch	Roxburgh Children’s Health Camp, Roxburgh (Dunedin)

 

You can get an application form directly with the following:
Email: kidzacool@healthcamps.org.nz
Phone: 0800 kidzacool (0800 543 922) or 04 472 0101
Address: PO Box 12 547, Wellington Fax: 04 472 0166
Or download forms from www.healthcamps.org.nz Different forms for 1-2-3 children going

My Visit to Pakuranga Health camps open day.

My grand-daughter 16 and myself went out to visit Pakuranga Health camp yesterday on their open day. I wanted to visit so I could reassure myself and indeed our membership, for inclusion in our national newsletter.

I must say we were MOST impressed, having only ever experienced other holiday camps.

 

It was clean and even had carpets on the floors! It was well staffed, plenty of play equipment and outdoor space, the eating areas, clean and spacious. The toilets and showers were clean and plentiful. The little individual ‘bedrooms’ with the dividers for privacy were just delightful, including the fact they had their own sheets and blankets and not a sleeping bag! We were most reassured to see a nurse’s clinic and sick bay.  The play room, games room and lounges were most spacious and contained large sofas. Walls colourful and vibrant!

I even suggested that the Grannies could come out and stay there for respite! Ha-ha.

Over all excellent, we both were very impressed and we took into account the safety aspects as well                 Di (old) Rachelle (16)

 Chapin Hall study of grandparents raising grandchildren:

Thanks to Betty from Cangrands http://www.cangrands.com for sending this down under.
(I met Betty when we attended the New York GRG conference)

According to the American Community Survey, over half of the Illinois grandparents who assume the care of their children’s children do so for longer than 5 years. During this period of time, they must grapple with changes in their own physical and mental health, as well as those of the children in their care.

A Chapin Hall study of grandparents raising grandchildren explores grandparents’ well-being, their perceptions of the children’s well-being and needs, and the degree to which they are both accessing services to ameliorate their problems. The study, Caring for their Children’s Children, includes interviews with grandparent-caregiver families across Illinois.
With regard to the problems of caregivers, those interviews revealed that:

• Nearly four-fifths (79%) of the grandmothers had at least one health problem, and many had three or more health problems;
• Among married grandmothers (almost half the grandmothers in this study), the majority of their spouses (81%) also reported health problems, although a smaller proportion suffered from three or more problems;
  the three most-frequently reported health problems were the same for both caregivers—arthritis, high     blood pressure, and diabetes;
• One-third of the grandmothers reported symptoms of depression.

 Each grandmother in the study filled out the Child Behavior Checklist (CBCL), a standardized assessment form, for one child in her care. The CBCL helps to assess children’s competencies and behavioral/emotional problems. In over two-thirds of the families, the results indicated the presence of clinical and/or borderline problems with the grandchild, and many of these problems have implications for the child’s functioning both at home and at school. Specifically:

• One-third of the children had problems with attention.
• Nearly one-third of the children exhibited social problems.
• Over one-quarter of the children showed aggressive behavior.

 Grandmothers interviewed for the study expressed the need for services—services for themselves and for their grandchildren. Very few grandmothers were participating in services at the time of the study, and—of those who were not—almost half said that they need or would benefit from services. Despite the fact that nearly half of the grandchildren with emotional or behavioral problems were receiving services, all but one of the grandmothers of the other half believed their grandchildren to be in need of services.

The study showed clearly that grandmothers’ well-being and the well-being of the children in their care were interconnected. Grandparents who reported more depressive symptoms were caring for grandchildren who had more severe emotional and behavioral problems. Although we cannot know how these two circumstances interact, the need for services is pronounced. Yet, caregivers had problems with access to services (such as cost and receiving referrals to services that do not accept the grandparents’ insurance or payment method) and logistics involved in getting to and from appointments, as well as reservations about the effectiveness of services, all of which represented obstacles to participation for grandparents and grandchildren.

With regard to age, the grandparents were fairly evenly split between those over and those under 60. Many had jobs, and needed to maintain them. Three-quarters of the children in their care were ages 6 to 17. When we consider the fact that over half of these children will stay with their grandparents for over 5 years, it is clear that addressing the barriers to accessing services is an urgent and abiding need for these families.
Interestingly enough there are so many similarities to out GRG research 2009

I Can Do It! Program

It is a life-changing decision for grandparents to dedicate their lives to raising a child at a time in life when you may be looking forward to more leisure and less responsibility.  You probably ask yourselves; How do I cope with caring for a grandchild? How do I deal with being a grandparent, while having to act like a parent?

While enjoying pleasures of raising your grandchild, you may still resent the responsibility and attendant inconveniences that are involved in raising a grandchild.

Naturally, the lives of grandparents undergo great change when their grandchild moves in with them. Instead of spending time with their friends, they become immersed in the social life and schoolwork of their grandchild. And it can be especially difficult when a grandparent has a grandchild with emotional or behavioural difficulties. Some complain about being tired and overworked.

The I Can Do It! planner can help empower your grandchildren to take responsibility for themselves while teaching them life skills and social values.  It’s fun and interactive for all the family.  We all need a helping hand and something practical that works.  This would make the best Christmas gift to yourself and your family. To find out more go to www.ICanDoItLifeSkills.com .We offer a payment plan option and a senior citizen discount.  Karen Hollander 09 4261056 / 021 786630

Column written by Diane Levy

Whenever I speak at parenting (or teaching) seminars about how to get children to do as they are told, there is a point where I realise that I pause and say “If there is one tip that will dramatically change your effectiveness, it is this one …” which has led me to think, “What other tips are there that parents report back that they work quickly and, with hindsight, appear obvious?”

So here are my top five tips …

• Tip One: If you want to be powerful, Walk Over
• Tip Two: Fair systems save Sibling Scraps
• Tip Three: Dressing backwards saves Stripping
• Tip Four: Poo training can be a matter of Location
• Tip Five: Transporting Teens is Information Gathering …and the details…

 Tip 1: If you want to be powerful, Walk Over

When we ask, explain, reason, call or even yell at a distance, we are far less effective that we could otherwise be. If you want your child (of almost any age) to do as they are told, start by asking once only.

If they start to whine, argue, delay or simply ignore you, you are going to have to do something more powerful. The tip I am about to give you is deceptively simple: Go over and stand tall beside them. Only when you get there, repeat the instruction.

That sounds deceptively simple, but it is actually quite difficult to make ourselves do. Most of us find it much easier to yell a repeated instruction at a distance or to get involved in persuading, arguing, cajoling or threatening – also at a distance. We operate under the mistaken belief that volume, frequency, logic is going to help.

Instead, we need to go over and stand right next to our child and quietly repeat the instruction. It is the act of “going over” that makes our instruction much more powerful.

It may involve stopping what we were doing or it may involve getting up (both sometimes a major challenge is a busy, tired parent’s day), but my experience is that if you ASK once and then go over and TELL your child what you want of them, about 80% of the time, that is all you will need to do.

Tip 2: Fair systems save Sibling Scraps

 I often get calls from parents who are absolutely desperate trying to deal with highly competitive children where “everything” seems to have turned into a sprint for the best seat in the car, the choice of the TV programme or DVD, the best seat in front of the TV, the last two biscuits (when you have three children!) and the resulting rows, unpleasantness and chaos.

It is highly likely we started it all by using it as a compliance strategy – “Let’s see who can be first to get to the bath” – but now it appears to have risen up and bitten us back.

Start with the youngest (or the oldest) and put their name on the fridge for the day. For that day, for every decision about who goes first or who has first pick (that is not already established in family rules) they get to make first choice. If you have more than two children, you may need to have a “who has second choice” name listed.

For that day, that child can choose which seat, which programme, which biscuit etc.

The following morning, another name will be on the fridge and that child is “chooser” for the day.

By making a system that is easy-to-understand, transparent and fair, you save yourself a lot of arguing and teach your children how to develop workable systems of fair play.

Tip 3: Dressing backwards saves Stripping
One way young children can make bedtime or nighttimes difficult or create the sort of havoc that means you have to come in and spend time with them, is by taking off their pyjamas. This leaves them free to get pneumonia or, far less aesthetic, free to wee in their beds or – the one that usually results in a frantic phone-call to me – is to poo and then decorate.

Since most of us have, at some time, heard of severely disturbed people who smear their faeces, it is easy to extrapolate our child’s behaviour into some drastic significance. There simply is no connection between a child innocently, but very inconveniently, entertaining himself or herself, while alone and bored, playing with a smelly version of “Play dough” and bizarre and disturbed behaviour.

That doesn’t mean that we don’t have a rather unpleasant clean-up that we would wish to avoid in future. What is a parent to do?

The simplest is to put their sleep suit on backwards. (It is probably kinder to choose a suit one size bigger than their current size). It means that our child simply cannot take their “pyjamas” off.

Tip 4: Poo training can be a matter of Location
I am often asked how to deal with children who are “wee trained” but who love to go off to a favourite and private spot to poo. No amount of explaining, bribing, cajoling or getting angry, seems to make an effective difference.

As parents, we often assume that because our child can hold onto his wees, wait till he gets to the toilet or potty and then let go in the right place, that he will be able to do the same with his poos. Not always so.

The first step is to tell ourselves that we have done well. Our child knows when his body needs to poo, can hang on till he gets to the right spot (in his mind, the right spot involves privacy and a nappy!), and then let the poo go into his nappy. In other words, he is toilet- trained and the only argument is about – as they say in Real Estate – "location, location, location!"

So here is how to get our child to use a different location for placing poos.

Week One - Get him back to the point when he feels a poo needing to get out, can ask you for a nappy or pull-up, you help him on with it, he goes away to poo wherever he feels comfortable and comes and asks to be changed, you tell him he has done well and you change him as pleasantly as you can manage.
(“A week” is a rough guide. He needs several experiences of success at each stage before moving on to the next.)

Week Two – You put on his nappy when he asks for it and he goes into the room where everybody poos i.e. the toilet room, and does his poos there.

Week Three – You put his nappy on and he teaches his body to sit on the toilet (Still with the nappy on) and poo. When he is finished, tell him he has done well and change him.
Pretty soon after the third week, he will come out one day and announce that he has pooed in the toilet. Celebrate.

Tip 5: Transporting Teens is Information Gathering
Whenever you get the chance to volunteer to car-pool after a party, no matter how much more convenient it would be to let them taxi home, let their friends’ parents bring them home or let their peers bring them home, grab the opportunity. It is one of the better ways I know of gaining information about what your teen is up to and keeping them safe while innocently looking helpful.

When you arrive at the party to pick them up, don’t be suckered into texting them that you are there. Go in. This gives you a wonderful opportunity to see who is puking in the gutter, who is smoking pot behind the bushes, whether there is a sober parent in charge and how many rooms, of which variety, lighting and activity you have to go through before finding them.

When they get into the car, you have a further opportunity to sniff and gain excellent information about their drinking and smoking habits.

Picking up more-than-one teen is an even better source of information and safety. As long as you keep very quiet, they will view you as a mechanical extension of the steering wheel and begin chatting to each other about the party. You have another source of interesting information gathering.

By the time you have dropped the last child off, you have appeared immensely helpful, you are much better informed about the habits of your teen and their friends, you have a better idea of how to protect your teen from or during the next party or you are reassured that your teen has a lovely group of friends - and – you didn’t even have to interrogate or be fobbed off with fibs. In fact, you didn’t have to say a word!

 Source www.kiwifamilies.co.nz with their permission to reproduce

 Cucumbers:

1.Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc. 

2. Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber. Cucumbers are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last for hours.

3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog & provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance. 

4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few slices in a small pie tin and your garden will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent
Undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area. 

5. Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause the
Collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!!

6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential
Nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and headache!!

 7. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the     problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!

8. Stressed out and don't have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber with react with the boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams.

9. Just finish a business lunch and realize you don't have gum or mints?  Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath. 

10. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!!

            fI raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labour!

Parents Inc Top Tip:
The Gift of ‘Their Story’ Kids of all ages long for the sense of community and belonging that family can provide. One of the most meaningfulgifts you can give your young ones is a tradition which sees significant photographs, stories, and mementoes of their lives kept safe in an album like the MyStory box.  Devoting your time and energy into collecting ‘their story’ speaks volumes to your child about where they have come from, what they’re a part of, and of their uniqueness and value to you.

Appropriate at this time of year:
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

Posted: Tue 08 Dec 2009

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