May 2009

Greetings, Kia Ora koutou katoa hope this finds you all well.

Trends:

Alarmingly we are hearing of the mothers who already have children being bought up by the grandparents are

getting pregnant again……………..and again and again!

Are your children under CYF?

Do you have trouble getting hold of your Social Worker? Calls not being returned?

If this is the case then you can call free phone 0508 CARER = 0508 227 377 they will then make sure you are

spoken to by your Social Worker and if they are not available then someone else will talk to you.

National Radio Doco on GRG: Fantastic!

It was a very, very well rounded show. Thanks to Murray & Terry Ututaonga, Cecilee Donovan, Sally & Norm

Kabak, Jill Worrall, Susan St John, Paula Bennett and producer Teresa Cowie. Congratulations everyone.

If you missed it you may be able to pick it up from this link. http://www.radionz.co.nz/national/programmes/insight

And on the following morning:

PRESENTER (SEAN PLUNKET): The Government is pledging to help extended family members who are raising

children in place of birth parents to get a break from child rearing. The Minister of Social Development, Paula Bennett,

says plans are underway to give grandparents and other guardians a break from the children they are taking care of. Here's

our social issues reporter Teresa Cowie.

REPORTER (TERESA COWIE): Providing respite care for children who are victims of family breakdown is not a

simple task. Sally and Norman Kapak, who are 61 and 71 years old, are caught in a situation where respite care wouldn't

work. Sally says while they'll love a break from the 4-year-old granddaughter they're raising, the child's attachment

disorder makes it impossible.

NORMAN KAPAK (GRANDPARENT): When she was an infant she lived in a number of different places. I

understand as little as a week or two and then perhaps some months but always on the move. Until she's older there is that

hidden sense that she might feel she's with strangers and starting that entire routine all over again.

REPORTER: Teri and Murray Ututaonga, both in their mid 50s, are bringing up her daughter's two boys, Reuben who's

10 and Isaiah, 8. They decided to raise the children because Teri's daughter's mental illness meant she could no longer

look after them. But they say arranging respite care would be difficult. Like many children who have had to be removed

from their parents, their grandson Isaiah has been traumatised by his experience. He has attention deficit hyperactivity

disorder, or ADHD, and the Ututaonga feel they'd lose gains made with his behaviour if they farmed him out to a camp.

TERI UTUTAONGA (GRANDPARENT): It's only delaying the inevitable, you know, like it might give you that bit of

a breather, you think oh thank god he's gone [laughs] or that we could have our house back again, um, 'cause you know,

you it's, the behaviour and how he is hasn't changed. So you just know that even though you might've had the weekend

off, come Monday morning, it's all on again.

REPORTER: Teri says because of Isaiah's disorder the youngster needs routine and predictability. The Minister of Social

Development, Paula Bennett, says she's serious about improving respite care within the next year.

HON PAULA BENNETT (SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT MINISTER): I'd love to see it happening in a camp, you

know, so I'd love to ah, for it to actually be for, you know, a week or two weeks and for them to actually get that real time

out. I think any parent needs a bit of time out every now and then and sometimes it's that sort of survival mode where you

know it's coming up and you're going to get a bit of a break, you get to have that and then you start afresh and with, you

know, renewed vigor when those children come back home.

REPORTER: Paula Bennett is considering funding the camps using the Out of School Care and Recreation, or OSCAR

subsidy, which helps families with the cost of before and after school care and holiday programmes. A Massey University

honorary research associate, Jill Worrall, says the problem of respite care is it's not being addressed properly.

JILL WORRALL (MASSEY UNIVERSITY HONORARY RESEARCH ASSOCIATE): When a grandparent, who is

probably between 60 and 69, many are in their 70s and we even have some in their 80s, are saying just a bit of a break,

you can just read between the lines the weariness and the tiredness that they're experiencing, having to get up to babies in

the night and such things and they do need a break in order to maintain their own health; both psychological health and

physical health.

REPORTER: Jill Worrall believes for respite care to work, partnering up of families would have to happen.

©Chong Newztel Ltd (2009) www.chong.co.nz

© Radio New Zealand 2009

Although there may be separation issues for some children, for many this scenario would be a most welcome break.

If we think slightly outside the square one wonders if putting in place personal who can deal with these issues which

children present with could be a double edged sword. Benefiting both the grandchildren and the Grandparents, a win, win

situation for all.

Your Voices:

Hello you wonderful people, I am a grandmother looking after three of my grandkids (and more to come to me in the

near future).I belong to your group and have just shifted to a bigger house.

I receive your newsletter and I read it from cover to cover, I always get something out of this which helps me to carry on.

So I want to give you my new address so I don't miss out on your next newsletter.

                                     Be sure to let us know if you have moved or are planning to.

Inner peace;

Raising a severely challenging grandchild, I spent my days, reading books, going on the internet and attending

courses, looking for ways and solutions in handling this almost unmanageable grandchild. After many years of

doing this, I took a long hard look at my life. What was I doing for myself, NOTHING. I pushed this thought out of

my head, time and time again, you know, too busy, no time. Then I chanced across a flyer from the local Women’s

Centre advertising a “Stress reduction Course” it peaked my interest. I duly booked the 2 hour course (which was

$5: BONUS!) but I had to have many conversations with myself as to why I should attend this, after all it was not for

the child’s benefit. Am I ever so glad I did! Filling up ones money-box so to speak, with a special coffee or buying a

new dress, just did not do it for me, but this course taught me how to look after my inner soul, which needed feeding,

protection and care. Now it is going to take me time, to give myself the time to do this but I am so glad I did, if you

have a ‘Women’s Centre” in your area see what courses they are running. Wahooooo! “Found Gran.”

                                              There appears to be Women’s Centre’s all over NZ.

Ummmmm HELLO: (no CYF Involvement)

I am in my late 50’s and have parenting orders for 3 grandchildren. I am not working (unemployed as 2 under 5) and

get the UCB. Mother in Jail for 3 years and Dad lives 6 hours drive from us. The Court have ordered that every 2nd

week-end I have to take the kids to visit him, one can imagine how hard it is for me to make ends meet, never mind

the extra petrol expenses in this. Where is the common sense in all of this? Anyone have a car that runs on fresh air?

My Grand-daughter cracks me up:

She attends weekly a Mental Health clinic and I attend with her.

We arrived to find every seat taken, a busy morning.

The only two chairs left were those little pre school chairs in the children’s play area.

We sat upon those tiny chairs and waited. She whispered to me (and I might add here I

am 55) “Nan those people are rude, don’t they know they should give up their chair to

elderly people”. I laughed and thought, my I have aged, but HEY at least she knew good manners. “Quite right” I

told her. Nan G

Modernising Gran:

17 year old grand-daughter decided that gran’s old track pants needed upgrading. At her insistence we set off to the Mall.

Must say here, I was more than a little nervous, a sense of foreboding descended upon me. Much talk of Skinny jeans was

tossed about with gay abandon, silly me, I should have turned the car around and gone home right then! Skinny jeans,

what on earth are those, yes I did have skinny legs but that could not be said for the rest of me.

Something happened to this child once we were in a store that had clothing from the floor to the ceiling; she took total

control and firmly deposited me in the changing room. Not a changing room I was used to I might add, a largish room

with no lock on the door and mirrors on all walls. One is not alone in these rooms either; it seemed to me the whole Mall

had decided to go in there!

 “Gran” she said in a commanding voice, “try these on” at my feet lay a pile of jeans in many colours. I said a silent thank

you that I had put on decent knickers and had a long top on. The first pair I tried would not even go on over my heels.

Finally she found a pair which managed to find their way up to my thighs. Thank goodness for skinny legs, I thought. But

the next part of my anatomy was a much different story. I struggled, strained, pulled and jumped up and down, all to no

avail. She rolled her eyes at this point!

She was down on her knees searching for larger sizes and jeans were flying everywhere. What happened to folding clothes

neatly I wondered. Finally she found a pair that she thought would do the job. Again the struggle began, yes easy pulling

them up the skinny legs, up over the saggy bottom and then began what I can only describe as ‘pushing dough into a small

bowl’ The more I pushed and squeezed the more things popped out.

Finally parts of my body seemed to move……….elsewhere! The zip was up and the dome (stud) snapped shut. Now I had

heard of the ‘muffin’ and I do not mean the one you eat either! But someone had added too much yeast to my muffin and

it had exploded everywhere. The muffin hung there, it hung everywhere. Meantime I am standing in what seemed like a

free concert of the Jonas Brothers and every teenage girl was in there! The music was beating and so was my heart, but

not for the same reason the teen girl’s hearts were! Passing out comes to mind! Darling grand-daughter at this point had

decided that I also needed a new top, within a heart beat she had whipped off my long top, if the ground had opened up;

you know where I would be!

Thankfully with her lightening speed, she was back in with a top. Dignity restored! “Cool” she screeched over the loud

Jonas Brothers beat! Huh, to me I looked like a lollipop on a thin stick. Then began the task of unpeeling those Skinny

jeans and that was no mean feat either. We duly paid and left the store, my body ached from all the pushing and

squeezing. I knew I could not do this on a regular basis; I would have to get up an hour early to get dressed! Not to

mention the pain.

Being a Gran from old days I knew that one should always wash new clothes before wearing, what I ‘sort’ of forgot about

is, ‘if you wash jeans in really hot water, they shrink’……….oh my.

Guess who looks really ‘cool’ in her new Skinny jeans; and at least I can breathe in my tracks. By Diane Vivian

Food for thought: From the USA

The "anything goes" generation, raising children. I think people's morals have gone to the way

side We all need to look at where we are right now. I am referring to the teachers I am seeing

in my children's school. Breasts hanging out and stomachs showing.

Tattoos should be covered during school hours. Not showing professionalism in speaking among the children.

You are being watched continually by very impressionable children.

It is very simple to me. We must keep our schools and our children separate from certain behaviors and those that

exhibit them 100% of the time.

When children grow up educated and strong, they can use the influences in their lives to make the decisions to or not

to do things that may someday be found objectionable to society.

Sometimes it is nudity, music, sexual orientation, sexual freedom, piercings, tattoos even all the way to if a person

drives a great big SUV that crushes the environment. We are all under the microscope and some more then others

We don't want people that do things that society has determined objectionable to work with our children. Drugs on

their own time, sex with minors in the comfort of their own home, nude dancers and the list goes on. It has been this

way through the history of our country.

I think we must err on the side of caution and maintain the highest standards for those working with children. My

personal feelings as many of yours may be different or may support certain decisions, but that is how the system

needs to work to protect our children. Grandma Deborah

                                                                             oooOOOooo

How many Families got an increase in Unsupported Child Benefit?

7747 families receiving Orphan's and Unsupported Child Benefits will have their weekly payments increased to match the

Foster Care Allowance weekly board rates. The new weekly rates range from $132.32 for a child aged under 5 years to

$185.25 for a child aged 14 years and over.

"I'm really pleased to make this change, which recognises the vital role played by grandparents and other relatives who

step in to raise children when their natural parents cannot or will not," Ms Paula Bennett said.

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Government announces review of legal aid:

Press Release by New Zealand Government at 7:49 am, 02 Apr 2009

The Government is to undertake a fundamental review of the legal aid system, Justice Minister Simon Power announced

tonight.

Dame Margaret Bazley will chair the review team, which will consist of a yet-to-be-appointed panel of experts from a

variety of backgrounds.

Dame Margaret is a retired public service Chief Executive. She headed the Commission of Inquiry into Police Conduct,

was a member of the Royal Commission on Auckland Governance, and is Chair of the Fire Service.

Speaking to legal aid experts from around the world at the International Legal Aid Group meeting in Wellington, Mr

Power pointed to rising concerns about access to justice, high costs, and impacts on the courts system.

"I don't need to tell you that in the current fiscal environment, legal aid systems are likely to face increasing challenges in

achieving their objectives," he said.

"Legal aid has a defining role in upholding access to justice. By funding legal aid services, governments give effect to the

principles of equality before the law and natural justice.

"This upholds public confidence in the legitimacy and effectiveness of the justice system. As Minister of Justice, I am

committed to the goal of ensuring access to justice for all New Zealanders."

Mr Power said the review would consider all aspects of the legal aid system.

"The purpose is to consider how the system can best be structured so it delivers effective legal services to those who need

them most, in a way that is cost-effective and sustainable.

"Quality will be an important focus, as will ensuring that any changes have a positive impact on the wider justice system,

especially on the way the courts operate."

The review will also focus on developing alternative approaches to manage or reduce costs.

Public consultation will start soon and proposals will be announced early next year.

ENDS

Grandparents and Kin Carers are users of the Legal Aid system; it seems inherently unfair that they have caveats

placed upon their home, if they can access Legal Aid, or are required to pay back this Legal Aid when they are trying to

keep an at risk child/ren safe. Others use up their nest eggs or life savings (because they can not get Legal Aid) in Legal

fees. They all then have to raise this child/ren to independence often on a fixed income. This urgently needs addressing!

Invalid’s Benefit:

Assistance when you can’t work because of a more permanent sickness, injury or disability.

We as Grandparents worry what will become of our grandchildren who have been getting a Disability Allowance when

they leave school. It is a fact that some of our grandchildren may never be able to hold down a full time job or perhaps

only be able to work limited hours. What will happen for them?

Who can get it

You may get the Invalid’s Benefit if you are severely limited in your ability to work on a permanent basis. This is

because you are sick, injured or disabled.

You may also get it if you are totally blind.

We will need to confirm your condition and how it affects your ability to work.

You must also:

• be 16 years old or over

• be a New Zealand citizen or permanent resident

• have lived in New Zealand for at least 2 years at any one time since becoming a New Zealand citizen or resident

(unless you are a refugee).

You should also normally live in New Zealand and intend to stay here.

Category Net Gross

Single, 16 – 17 years $192.58 $220.09

Single, 18+ years $237.97 $272.26

Married, civil union or de facto couple (with or without children) Total $396.62 $453.28

Each $198.31 $226.64

Sole parent $312.62 $366.75

We can grant you financial assistance from the date you first contact us, if you complete your application within 20

working days of that date. To qualify for the Invalid’s Benefit you must be aged 16 years or over and:

• unable to regularly work 15 hours or more a week because of a sickness, injury or disability which is expected to last at

least 2 years or

• your life expectancy is expected to be less than 2 years and you are unable to regularly work 15 hours or more a week or

• blind with a specified level of restriction in your visual field or in the sharpness of your vision.

We will need to confirm your condition – you will need to bring a medical certificate from your doctor or you may be able

to provide existing reports or assessments (eg NASC assessments or a report from a specialist).

If we need further information you can choose one of our doctors and we’ll pay for the examination.

Conference Update Mark your diaries NOW!

28-29 October 2009, Ellerslie Convention Centre, Auckland

A Grandparent’s Love: For our children, for our future!

Speaker topics/workshops coming direct to you soon!

Anxiety Management - Four Techniques You Can Start Using Today

By Jamie Jefferson. www.merck.com

Anxiety can develop into a serious medical condition that, if left untreated, can be a long-term problem. It can affect your

mental outlook and your physical health. Fortunately, there are some very simple things that you can do to reduce anxiety

in your life and feel more positive.

Anxiety can be triggered in a variety of ways. It's often triggered by stress from your work or home life. And some people

are simply more prone to anxiety in their lives. They may have patterns of negative thoughts and negative self-talk that

make small worries into overwhelming ones.

When you're constantly anxious, you're less able to handle the normal stresses of everyday life. You may develop physical

symptoms such as nausea, headaches, heart palpitations and muscular tension.

Many people try to reduce anxiety by avoiding situations that make them stressed. This works in the short term, but it's

impossible to avoid stressful situations for the rest of your life. The best tactic is to take steps to manage your anxiety and

develop strategies to reduce your stress. These tips can help you approach stress in new ways and reduce the effects of

stress so you can manage your anxiety.

Eliminate the negative.

The first step is to reduce the negative thoughts going on in your mind. While it's virtually impossible to eliminate

stressful situations in your life, you can take steps to change the way you approach these situations. When you use

negative self-talk, you may blame yourself for things that you have absolutely no control over. Blaming yourself or

thinking negatively about the situation will only make things worse. Whenever you encounter a stressful situation, realize

that it is just part of life and that you are capable of handling it.

Give yourself a break.

Anxiety can creep up on you when you are pushing yourself too hard. Mental and physical rest is very important when

you are in high-stress situations. If you are working on a stressful project, make sure that you take lots of breaks away

from your workspace to reduce your stress. If you have a stressful job, make time for recreational activities during the

weekend and try not to take your work home with you.

Exercise.

Moderate exercise (which can even include something as simple as walking) has been clinically proven to help reduce

stress and manage anxiety. Make it a habit to take a short walk during your lunch break or incorporate another form of

exercise into your daily routine to stave off anxiety attacks. You don't have to become a gym rat. Light aerobic exercise or

stretching done each day can do a lot for your mood.

Meditate.

Spending time in a quiet spot and focusing on your thoughts is a terrific way to reduce your anxiety and change your mind

set. You can pray, listen to meditative music or just focus on your breathing pattern to get into a meditative state. From

this state of mind, you'll be able to see your anxiety in a new light.

Please note that the tips in this article are for help with day-to-day anxiety and do not substitute for professional advice.

It's important to note that if you feel as though your anxiety has gotten too much for you to handle or you think you may

be suffering from a psychological disorder, don't hesitate to get professional help.

Anxiety Disorders in Children

An anxiety problem is a mental health problem that can affect people of all ages, including children. In fact, anxiety

disorders are the most common type of mental health disorder in children, affecting as many as 10% of young people.

Persistent and intense anxiety that disrupts daily routine is a mental health problem that requires intervention.

Symptoms of different anxiety disorders

Anxiety is a sense of worry, apprehension, fear and distress. Symptoms of anxiety typically fall into two groups: physical

symptoms (headache, feeling sick) and the emotional symptoms of nervousness and fear.

Anxiety disorders, when severe, can affect a child's thinking, decision-making ability, perception of the environment,

learning and concentration. It raises blood pressure and heart rate and can cause vomiting, stomach pain, ulcers, diarrhoea,

tingling, weakness and shortness of breath among other things.

Causes of anxiety in children

There are many factors that contribute to the development of anxiety disorders in children. These may include genetic

predisposition, psychological factors and environmental factors.

All children experience some anxiety; this is normal and expected. For example, when left alone at school for the first

time, many children with show distress; a young child in his or her own room may develop a fear of the dark. Such

anxiety becomes a problem when it interrupts a child's normal activities like attending school and making friends or

sleeping.

Treatment for children

Anxiety disorders are treatable. Children who show persistent symptoms of an anxiety disorder should be referred to a

child psychologist. Effective treatment for anxiety disorders may include some form of psychotherapy, behavioural

therapy or medications.

Forms of childhood anxiety disorders:

Generalised anxiety disorder

Children with generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) have recurring fears and worries that they find difficult to control. They

worry about almost everything - school, sports, being on time, even natural disasters. They may be restless, irritable tense

or easily tired, and they may have trouble concentrating or sleeping. Children with GAD are usually eager to please others

and may be "perfectionists", dissatisfied with their own less-than-perfect performance.

Separation anxiety disorder

Children with separation anxiety disorder have intense anxiety about being away from home or about their caregivers that

affects their ability to function socially and in school. These children have a great need to stay at home or be close to their

parents.

Children with this disorder may worry excessively about their parents when they are apart from them. When they are

together, the child may cling to parents, refuse to go to school, or be afraid to sleep alone. Repeated nightmares about

separation and physical symptoms such as stomach-aches and headaches are also common in children with separation

anxiety disorder.

Social phobia

Social phobia usually emerges in the mid-teens. Young people with this disorder have a constant fear of social situations

or when they have to perform such as speaking in class or eating in public. The fear is often accompanied by physical

symptoms such as sweating, blushing, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, or muscle tenseness.

Young people with social phobia typically respond to these feelings by avoiding the feared situation. For example, they

may stay home from school or avoid parties. Young people with social phobia are often overly sensitive to criticism, have

trouble being assertive, and suffer from low self-esteem. Social phobia can be limited to specific situations, so the

adolescent may fear dating and avoid recreational events but can still be confident in academic and work situations.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) typically begins in early childhood or adolescence. It is estimated that at any given

time, 1 to over 3% of adolescents are experiencing symptoms of OCD. Children as young as 5 or 6 can show symptoms

and may have frequent and uncontrollable thoughts (called "obsessions") and may perform routines or rituals (called

"compulsions") in an attempt to eliminate the thoughts. Those with the disorder often repeat behaviours to avoid some

imagined consequence. For example, a compulsion common to people with OCD is excessive hand washing due to fear of

germs.

Other common compulsions include counting, repeating works silently, and rechecking completed tasks. These obsessions

and compulsions take up so much time that they interfere with daily living and cause a young person a great deal of

anxiety.

Another type of OCD is Tourette's syndrome, which is more likely to be present in boys and in children who develop

OCD at a younger age. Children and adolescents with OCD are also more likely to have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity

Disorder (ADHD), learning disorders, opposititional behaviour, separation anxiety disorder and other anxiety disorders

Post-traumatic stress disorder

Children who experience a physical or emotional trauma such as witnessing a shooting or disaster, surviving physical,

emotional or sexual abuse, or being in a car accident may develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Children are

more easily traumatised than adults. An event that may not be traumatic to an adult - such as a bumpy plane journey -

might be traumatic to a child. A child may "re-experience" the trauma through nightmares, constant thoughts about what

happened, or re-enacting the event while playing.

A child with PTSD will experience symptoms of general anxiety, including irritability or trouble sleeping and eating.

Children may exhibit other symptoms such as being easily startled.

Panic disorder

Children and adolescents with panic disorder have unexpected and repeated periods of intense fear or discomfort along

with other symptoms such as racing heartbeat or feeling short of breath. These "panic attacks" can last for minutes to

hours. Panic disorder often begins during adolescence, although it may start during childhood. Panic attacks can interfere

with a child's or adolescent’s relationships, schoolwork and, and normal development.

Children and adolescents with panic disorder may begin to feel anxious most of the time, even when they are not having a

panic attack. Some children with panic disorder develop agoraphobia; others can develop severe depression and may be at

risk of suicidal behaviour. As an attempt to decrease anxiety, some adolescents with panic disorder will use alcohol or

drugs. Panic disorder in children can be difficult to diagnose but once diagnosed the child usually responds well to

treatment.

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door,

that we do not see the ones which open for us." ~ Alexander Graham Bell

Di

National Convenor and the team.

heoi ano, na