To the families and extended families of those GRG members who
have sadly passed away over recent months we send our love and aroha.
May God grant you eternal peace and rest, may he smile upon you
all for a job well done. Bless you all and also those that remain
without you.
Grandparents Raising
Grandchildren™ Trust new Board appointees:
It is with great delight and much pleasure we warmly welcome 3 new
BOT members.
Manu Graham
Ko TokaToka te maunga / TokaToka my mountain
Ko Kaipara te awa /Kaipara is my river
Ko Te Uri O Hau te hapu/ Te Uri O Hau the people
Ko Ngatiwhatua ki Otematea te Iwi / Ngatiwhatua is the tribe from
Otematea
Ko Aotea te whare mahana / Aotea is the meeting house
Ko Te Puna Ora te whare kai / Te Puna Ora is the dining room
Ko Haumaiwarangi te Tangäta / Haumaiwaranfi is the chief
Ko Manuao Graham toku ingoa / Manuao Graham is my name shortened
to (Manu)
My husband is Brownie Graham we have been married for 50 years
February 2005. We have 8 Tamariki / children, 19 mokopuna tuatahi
/ grandchildren and blessed with 16 mokopuna tuarua / 16 greats.
We moved to West Auckland 45 years ago from the winterless North
- our children are all adults with families of their own, and spread
around the country. I have been working at Wai Health which is a
subsidiary arm of Te Whanau O Waipareira Trust for 13 years, I was
also fortunate that Waipareia allowed me the opportunity to work
part-time for the Immunization Advisory Centre for 4 years. In my
years at Wai Health I have been worked in Tamariki Ora which is
an alternative service to Plunket providing all the services that
Plunket provide such as growth and development checks, Well Child
checks for babies birth to 5 years, Parents as First Teachers, and
Maternity Support I am now the Team Leader for Early Intervention
that services these roles with a staff of 7, 3 nurses and 4 Community
Health Workers
I am the Chairperson of Te Whiringa who was mandated by the Maori
Community Health Workers from around New Zealand in April 2005 at
Gisborne to form a National Association for Maori Community Health
Workers and the Trustees are in the process of developing the Constitution
and Policies and Procedures for the National Body.
Reading, crossword puzzles, knitting. Crochet and following the
grandchildren around at their sporting activities. Kapa haka and
of course the obvious always on-call baby sitters for the many mokopuna
that we have
No reira / therefore
Noho ora mai / stay well
Mere Tunks
Ethnicity: Maori/French/Irish/ Scots. A Kiwi! affiliated to Whakatohea
and Te Whanay-a-Apanui. Formerly a Black and Nanna was Matuakore
Delamere
Educated: Australia, England and New Zealand. M.Ed(Hons) H/Ec Cert.
Dip Tchg. Dip.Ed Studies Dip.151.City and Guilds London.
Present Work: Director, Waipareira Trust Alternative Education Unit.
Working with students predominantly, Maori and Pacific Island who
are alienated and excluded from school. Associated with Justice,
CYPFS, Strengthening Families Effective Practice, Secondary Schools
and Community groups e.g. Truancy and Youth Aid
Current Associations: Member of UNITEC Council: Member of National
Health Research Ethics Committee
UNITEC Runanga: Senior Management Waipareira
Family: Husband Chris Tunks. Married: 44 years. Children: Boy and
three girls. Mokopuna: Seven.
Baby boy lived with her for 18months and another lives with her
week about, aged 8 years old (girl).
Trevor Pugh has been married to Gwen for
47 years. He has been on the Council for 9 years and also on the
Licensing Trust for 9 years. Trevor is a certified Budget advisor
and is the District representative for NZ Federation Family Budget
Services. Has had many years experience in local Community as Chairperson
and is Director of Educational Standards NZ Charter Health Practitioners.
A grandparent writes:
I would like to let grandparents know that with lots of love and
understanding your grandchildren can go along way. My grandson is
13 and he has been playing rugby for 7 years now. He has always
done well playing for the rep team for three years now plus his
club team, this year he has done exceptionally well and he got most
valuable player for his club. Plus, much to my delight he got into
the rep team for the under 13 years and played and traveled all
over the place. He got picked for the under 65 kg and went to Invercargill
for 4 days playing 6 games. He also got picked to play in Wellington
as well. Instead of worrying about the past (which was pretty awful)
he moved forwards and all I would like to say is encourage your
grandchildren to play sport. These kids need to feel good about
themselves. Proud grandmother.
Dealing with Grief:
Just been browsing the new GRG site and followed through to the
skylight site. This was quite interesting and helpful. Just thought
I'd share some things that I know have been helpful to my moko since
losing Fred (Grandfather). I purchased a large box of chalk in all
colours, we painted a blackboard at back door on a wall as well
as the front terrace gate. For the first couple of months I noticed
these were used a lot as well as the driveway. Messages, love hearts
etc, were bright and colourful. Today 7 months later the messages
are still there not so many and yet sometimes I will see "We
love you Papa" big bright and bold.
We visit the Urupa a lot, sometimes on the spur of the moment, when
someone says "Let’s go visit Papa". The $2 dollar
shop is used a lot, the moko buy flowers, ornaments and take them
to the Urupa. Papa today has more toys than he has had in his life
time, his grave is covered in shells, and surrounded in small rocks.
Yes we are fortunate that our moko have their whanau Urupa so they
can express their love for their Papa. We speak a lot of Papa, have
a memory book, and lots of photos. My one thing I would like to
share to others who find themselves facing dealing with the grief
of a loved one, is to include the children, listen to them tell
them it is okay to cry, to be sad and angry. Encourage them to share
their feelings. It has worked for all of us. Today I received the
girl’s school reports, both were excellent, although they
got behind they worked hard to catch up with good results.
We have started a whanau Kapa Haka group "Kahurangi Ki Kaipara"
with just on 40 tamariki aged 5 to 16.Most of who are raised by
their grandparent/s. These kids have a common bond and are closer
than ever before. On the 5th of Nov they will be performing at Mahurangi
College in the Kaipara Festival. I know they will do us proud. Pike
te Ora. Maree
Our new web site: Just some of the comments:
It is absolutely AWESOME!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!
Your new web site is great it is easier to follow than the old one
was. Keep up the great work.! Lesley
It is a credit to those that have been involved in getting this
excellent site up and running. It coverage is top class, and it
is very easy to read. Thank you all.
I have been on your new website …it’s fantastic, congratulations.
It is an extremely informative site, very easy to use and well laid
out. You must be really pleased with the final result. I will certainly
be telling people to go and have a look.
Diane I just wanted to send my congratulations and best wishes to
all involved with GRG, the work that you all do is outstanding.
Keep it up!! Take care, all the best - CARERS NEW ZEALAND
Just had a look at your website, it looks great...I will put the
site in our October newsletter. Cheers (DINS)
Kia Ora Diane Wow! Very user friendly and good information. Congratulations
and best wishes
… some feedback on your website. In the immortal words of
David Tua when he was talking to a group of Heart Children on Ward
9, Green Lane Hospital a few years ago … ‘O for Awesome!’
I found it very easy to move around and find information, it is
bright and colourful, very positive and full of extremely useful
data. I will most certainly be recommending it to everyone I talk
to who wants to know what is available out there. Good on you all!
Keep up your great work.
Bulletin Board on New Site
You can browse this board without registering….BUT…..if
you want to post a message you must register and put in a password
for your use only. Now for many reasons, safety or whatever, some
caregivers/grand’s do not want to be identified and this is
fine. If this is the case for you then do not use your name. Choose
an alias: Granny of 1 – Happy – Bogged down –
Nan R or whatever you like. Please remember that all manner of people
can go in and view these posts.
Methodist Women’s Fellowship & Association
of Presbyterian Women.
GRG Trust have been blessed by these two organisations, they have
agreed to make GRG Trust as part of their 2005-2006 special project.
In October of 2006 they will donate 30% of total money raised to
enable grandchildren who are being raised by grandparents full time
to go into a ballot for a weeks summer camp holiday. This will be
a nationwide draw and a nationwide project. Your GRG Trust have
agreed to administer this at no cost what so ever, thus total funds
will go back to the children & grandparents concerned.
Devotions.
Suggested Bible passages: Issiah 40, 27-31: Mathew 11, 28-30: Mark
10, 13-16
Hymns: When I needed a neighbour WOV 558
From Thee all skill and science flow WOV 518
Prayer: Loving Lord, we thank you for your promise to be with us
always.
Throughout the good and the bad times. We bring our prayers to you
today for those among us who have a greater burden to bear than
others and who fell an ongoing sense of hopelessness and despair.
We focus our thoughts on the grandparents and other older relatives
who have found themselves caring for babies, young children and
teenagers, at an age when they expected to be experiencing the pleasures
and tranquillity of retirement. Father, our children are so precious
and vulnerable, and grandparents have so much wisdom to offer in
the nurture and upbringing of these traumatised young ones, denied
the stability of a loving and safe home environment with their own
parents, but grandparents, too, need caring for in the way of practical
help, financial security, legal advice and much encouragement, to
enable them to succeed in this special role.
We pray that this project will engender much sympathy and monetary
support from those who study and use it, enabling the lives of both
these caregiver and their young charges to be made easier and more
rewarding, as together they develop a loving and trusting relationship.
We pray this prayer through the one who loved little children and
offers rest to the weary, AMEN.
NZ Conscious Parenting Magazine
There's a new parenting magazine about to emerge in the New Zealand
parent magazine marketplace... And the good news is that this time
its really something different! The magazine will look at a wide
range of issues from the conscious parenting perspective (written
by a balance of international and NZ writers - for which we have
already secured a broad base of support for the project), and will
a wide range of topics - Education, Health Issues / Informed Choice,
Conscious Conception / Pregnancy / Birth, Parenting boys & Girls,
Fatherhood & Motherhood, Importance of secure attachment birth
to adolescence, Spirituality & parenting, website & Book
Reviews.+ more, always open & growing!
For more information, please go to www.consciousparenting.co.nz
where you can download the Foundation Subscriber form, which provides
comprehensive information about the magazine and what we envision.
If you have any other questions, please contact us direct: hilary@consciousparenting.co.nz
Labour wins the Election:
And Grandparents Raising Grandchildren wait!
Help for grandparents
06.09.05
By Simon Collins
Grandparents raising their grandchildren have won the right to the
same allowances paid to other foster parents - but only if they
are on the pension.
The Labour Party's social development policy, unveiled by Prime
Minister Helen Clark at St Mary's Family Centre in Otahuhu yesterday,
removes a longstanding anomaly where grandparents have got about
$3000 a year less than other foster parents. But the party would
pay foster parent rates only to about 700 grandparents who are on
superannuation, and not to about 6300 others who are not yet 65.
The National Convenor of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, Diane
Vivian, said she was pleased for super annuitants but worried about
those under 65 raising their grandchildren on benefits or in the
workforce.
Unrelated families who take in foster children for Child, Youth
and Family Services (CYFS) are paid between $111 and $159 a week,
depending on the age of the child. They also get clothing allowances
averaging $950 a year and can claim for school and medical expenses.
Grandparents and other "kin carers" who take on custody
or guardianship of children get only the unsupported child benefit
of between $95 and $129 a week - an average of $22 a week less than
the foster care payments. They get no clothing allowance, and have
to pay for all school and medical expenses.
Social Development Minister Steve Maharey said it would raise "more
difficult policy issues" to extend foster parents' rates to
all kin carers. Relatives who care for children informally do not
get any state subsidies except for family support payments available
to all parents. But Mrs Vivian said a survey of 323 kin caregivers
in March found that 37 per cent of them were living on less than
$20,000 a year, mainly on benefits.
National spokeswoman Judith Collins said she would push for a National
Government to pay grandparents who were pensioners too, and would
look at extending payments to those under 65. Allysa Carberry, of
the South Auckland Caregivers and Foster Care Association, said
the Government should pay the same allowances to anyone caring for
children who have been removed from their natural parents for care
and protection. Ends
GRG Trust wrote to the Minister in regard to the above article.
Below is the response:
From Minister Maharey:
13 September 2005
Thank you for your emails to my office of 24 August 2005 and 6
September 2005 regarding labour’s policy in relation to grandparents
raising grandchildren. As you are aware, Labour recently released
its policy for the 2005 election and I attach a copy of this (it
can also be accessed at www.labour.org.nz/policy/families/index.html).
The policy contains an explicit commitment in relation to grandparents
raising grandchildren, that Labour will:
Extend the support provided for grandparents raising grandchildren
and other carers on a pension, in particular those taking on caring
due to family breakdown, to provide them with the sort of allowances
provided to foster parents.
You have asked if I intend to send out a separate media release
on this announcement. I have decided not to do so for a couple of
reasons. Firstly, the policy has already received a small amount
of coverage, as one of the elements of the Social Development policy,
and may do so again shortly when Ruth Dyson releases our Senior
Citizens policy. It is unlikely to receive any greater coverage
by being re-announced separately.
Secondly, there is at this stage no further detail to announce.
We felt it was important to give your organisation and the grandparents
you represent a firm commitment in our election policy that we would
address this issue in the next term, and we have done that. The
details of how we will address this, however, are still to be worked
through.
That being the case, it might be helpful if I outline our intended
process from here.
Ruth Dyson, the Minister for Senior Citizens and I have been working
with officials to clarify what is currently being done for grandparents
who are raising their grandchildren and to set in place work programme
for the longer term.
We intend to address the difficulties faced by some grandparents
raising grandchildren, particularly those whose only source of income
is New Zealand Superannuation, as part of a wider review of the
Unsupported Child Benefit, Orphans Benefit and Foster Care Allowance.
Recommendations from this review will then be considered for Budget
2006.
In addition, Work and Income and the Department of Child, Youth
and Family Services have updated the brochure for kin carers from
1 April 2005. I have also directed the Ministry of Social Development
to develop a specialised case management pilot for New Zealand Superannuation
clients who are raising grandchildren. A detailed implementation
plan has recently been reported to me.
You have also asked about whether we consider grandparents or other
kin who are working and have custody/guardianship of children to
be a family. I assure you that we certainly do. As you have noted,
clause 10 of the Families Commission Act 2003 acknowledges that
families are diverse and “includes a group of people related
by marriage, civil union, blood, or adoption, an extended family,
2 or more persons living together as a family, and a whanau or other
culturally recognised family group”. This certainly includes
grandparents raising grandchildren.
I should also clarify, however, that the particular announcement
that you were responding to was about the widening of eligibility
for Family Support and the In-Work Payment, whereas the Orphan’s
and Unsupported Child’s Benefits are already available without
any income test.
I hope this reply provides you with useful context about Labour’s
explicit commitment to improve the support provided to grandparents
raising grandchildren. As you will be aware, this is a government
that delivers on its election promises.
Yours sincerely,
Steve Maharey
Minister for Social Development and Employment
We at the Trust will watch this space with a very keen interest.
Childcare Increases:
More Affordable Childcare from Monday
30 September 2005 - Media Statement
Around 28,000 families will be eligible for extra help with child
care costs from Monday, Social Development and Employment Minister
Steve Maharey said today. Subsidies for childcare and OSCAR (Out
of School Care and Recreation) providers are set to increase by
ten percent from 3 October, as part of the continued roll-out of
the Working for Families package. The increase is on top of a ten
percent boost and a widening of eligibility in October last year.
"This is another step towards ensuring affordable childcare
for all New Zealand families," Steve Maharey said.
"A couple on $43,000 a year, with two children in after school
care for 20 hours a week, will now be eligible for an additional
$492 a year towards the cost of childcare. Their total subsidy will
be $128.40 per week, or $5264.40 per annum. A single mother on $33,800
a year, with one child in care for 45 hours a week will get an extra
$675 a year. Her total subsidy will be $144.45 a week, or $7222.50
per annum. The increase builds on a range of other government initiatives
to enhance the work choices available to all parents."
Other initiatives include:
• Childcare Assistance changes in the Budget and Working for
Families mean 40 percent more children receive subsidised care than
the same time last year
• Widened eligibility for childcare assistance, which will
see 70 per cent of all families with children eligible for extra
help with childcare costs by October 2006
• Funding for Early Childhood Education will increase by $152m
over the next 4 years – including free provision for 3 and
4 yr olds from 2007
Steve Maharey said extra support for parents was critical given
the record levels of workforce participation, including record high
female participation at 60.8 percent. "These initiatives will
help to meet the demands of our growing Labour market, while giving
families the support they need to achieve a good balance between
work and family life."
Contact: Daniel Lambert, press secretary, 04 471 1954 or 021 270
9115
Childcare rates
If you have one child
And your weekly income before tax is less than $770 $850 $930
the hourly rate of childcare assistance per child increases to
from 4 October 2004 $2.84 $1.98 $1.10
from 1 April 2005 $2.91 $2.03 $1.13
from 3 October 2005 $3.21 $2.23 $1.24
If you have two children
And your weekly income before tax is less than $950 $1,040 $1,130
The hourly rate of childcare assistance per child increases to
from 4 October 2004 $2.84 $1.98 $1.10
from 1 April 2005 $2.91 $2.03 $1.13
from 3 October 2005 $3.21 $2.23 $1.24
If you have three or more children
And your weekly income before tax is less than $1,110 $1,220 $1,330
The hourly rate of childcare assistance per child increases to
from 4 October 2004 $2.84 $1.98 $1.10
from 1 April 2005 $2.91 $2.03 $1.13
from 3 October 2005 $3.21 $2.23 $1.24
New Government Portfolios:
David Benson-Pope is the Minister of Social Development, Ruth Dyson
is associate minister, Nanaia Mahuta is Youth Affairs. Winnie Laban
is associate Minister Social Development, and Winston Peters is
Minister Senior Citizens.
NATIONAL SAFEKIDS CAMPAIGN
In New Zealand unintentional or “accidental’ injuries
are the leading cause of deaths for children aged 1 – 14 years,
a figure which surprises many. On October 14 the Safekids Campaign
launches with a year-long focus on the reduction of one of the major
contributors to child deaths – pedestrian injury. Every year
an average 14 children are killed on our roads, and on private land
such as driveways, farms and farms roads. Around 20 children a month
end up in hospital after being hit by a vehicle. For some of these
kids the stay in hospital will be long and the road to recovery
even longer.
Until October 2006 national organizers and more than 80 community-based
coalitions are working to raise awareness of the serious and preventable
nature of child pedestrian injury. Many groups will advocate to
local councils about the role they can play in reducing child pedestrian
injury through the reduction of speed limits around schools, installation
of pedestrian crossings or refuges and promotion of safe travel
initiatives. Police in some communities will undertake speed enforcement
campaigns around schools where speed has been identified as an issue.
And, for drivers, parents and caregivers messages will be simple;
• Teach children good road safety rules
• Be a good role model yourself when walking
• Encourage children to join walking initiatives like walking
buses which provide exercise and help reduce traffic congestion
around schools
• As drivers keep to the speed limit around schools and watch
out for kids. Be aware they don’t understand traffic the way
adults do.
Why Kids are Vulnerable Road Users
Children are not “little adults”. We can teach children
about road safety but we cannot turn them into little adults. For
example, most primary school aged children:
• Don’t judge speed and distance as well as adults
• Are small – it’s difficult for them to see and
be seen by drivers
• Have peripheral vision that is not yet fully developed,
making them less likely to notice a car in their side vision
• Have greater difficulty working out where sounds are coming
from
• Generally think about one thing at a time and can easily
be distracted
• May freeze when finding themselves in danger.
The Safekids Campaign will also focus on prevention of fall injuries
to children – which account for more than 400 hospital admissions
per month. For a falls prevention checklist visit the Safekids Campaign
visit www.safekids.org.nz
For other information about the Campaign email Campaign@safekids.org.nz
The Safekids Campaign is co-coordinated by Safekids New Zealand
(the child safety service of Starship Children’s Health) with
support from the Ministry of Health, ACC, Land Transport New Zealand,
the New Zealand Police, Plunket, Age Concern, Rural Women and the
Injury Prevention Network of Aotearoa New Zealand.
Advertisement:
My name is Elizabeth Pantley, and I am the author six books for
parents including Gentle Baby Care and The No-Cry Sleep Solution.
I’m beginning work on my newest book: No-Cry Discipline: Gentle
Ways to Promote Good Behavior and Stop the Whining, Battles, and
Tears. This book is about gentle, effective parenting tools for
parents of children ages 2 to 7. It will help parents move comfortably,
and with confidence, from the baby stages into the early childhood
years.
As with my previous books, I am gathering a group of “Test
Mommies & Test Daddies” who will complete a survey and
then review chapters of the book as it is written, over the next
10-12 months. They will try the ideas and report back with their
questions, ideas, and success stories. I have had one grandmother
who is raising her grandchild volunteer to be a “Test Parent”
and I thought it would be lovely to have another grandmother or
two and one or two grandfathers raising children in the age range
mentioned (or of children a bit younger who are thinking ahead,
and want to move forward with confidence.) (Must speak English and
have access to email which opens Microsoft Word documents.)
If you are interested in participating please send an email message
to me at elizabeth@pantley.com and I’ll send you more information
and a survey.
Elizabeth is taking volunteers until November 10th 2005.
Top 4 reasons why
Kids should miss school:
Childhood illness may not affect your family life until your child
first starts day care or school. After that, though, it may seem
like he or she is sick all the time. This is a normal part of the
development of your child's immune system, which must be exposed
to many viruses before it develops its own resistance.
Large groups of young children are breeding grounds for all types
of germs that cause childhood illness. Little hands rub drippy noses,
and then transfer germs to other children or to shared toys. Here's
a line up of the top four infectious illnesses that keep children
home from school or child care.
1. Colds
The most common childhood illnesses are upper respiratory infections
— colds and other viral ailments that affect the throat, nose
and sinuses. While adults average two to four colds a year, children
typically have six to 10. Children also tend to have more severe
and longer lasting symptoms than do adults.
Studies have shown no benefit to treating children's colds with
antihistamines, decongestants or cough suppressants. Paracetamol
or Panadol may be used to alleviate fever caused by colds and other
childhood illnesses. Do not give your children aspirin because it
may trigger Reye's syndrome, a rare but potentially fatal disease.
2. The 'stomach flu' (gastroenteritis)
The second most common childhood illness is gastroenteritis, more
commonly known as the stomach flu. This childhood illness causes
vomiting and diarrhoea, and can lead to dehydration, particularly
in very young children. Signs and symptoms of dehydration include:
• Excessive thirst
• Dry mouth
• Little or no urine, or dark yellow urine
• Decreased tears
• Severe weakness or lethargy
Oral rehydration solutions, such as Electrolyte, can help replace
lost fluids, minerals and salts. When you reintroduce food, start
with easy-to-digest items — broth, toast, bananas and rice.
Avoid dairy products.
Many parents assume that any kind of stomach upset in a child is
the result of a contagious illness when the real culprit is simple
indigestion or constipation. Some children get stomach aches when
they're worried about things, either at home or at school. The dread
of facing a bully or of taking a test can make a child's stomach
hurt. It's important for a doctor to determine the cause of a child's
digestive symptoms before prescribing treatment.
3. Pink eye (conjunctivitis)
Pink eye (conjunctivitis) is an inflammation of the clear membrane
that covers the white part of the eye and lines the inner surface
of the eyelids. When caused by viruses or bacteria, conjunctivitis
is highly contagious. It is typically treated with antibiotic eye
drops or ointment. Warm or cool compresses may ease your child's
discomfort.
4. Strep throat
If your child has a sore throat and fever, he or she has a 15 percent
chance that the condition is strep throat. This infection occurs
more often in school-age children and children in child care than
in any other age group, child or adult. Some children may carry
the infection without showing any symptoms.
For most children, though, strep throat has clear signs and symptoms.
Swallowing can be so painful that your child may have difficulty
eating. Fevers above 101 F are common. The tonsils and the back
of the throat may look red, swollen and dotted with whitish or yellowish
patches of pus.
Antibiotics are required to combat strep throat. Left untreated,
the body's reaction to the strep bacteria eventually can damage
the heart and joints (rheumatic fever), as well as the kidneys (nephritis).
Prevention
Sneezes and coughs spray germs into the air. Sometimes the germs
infect other people by landing right on them. In other situations,
the germs lie on surfaces such as desks, doorknobs and phone receivers.
People who touch these surfaces pick up those germs on their fingers.
If they then touch their eyes, nose or mouth, the germs gain entry.
The single most important thing your child can do to prevent illness
is to wash his or her hands thoroughly and frequently. The Centres
for Disease Control and Prevention recommends that people wash their
hands with soap and warm water for 15 seconds — about as long
as it takes to sing the "Happy Birthday" song twice. Alcohol-based
hand sanitizers can also keep hands clean. They can come in disposable
hand wipes or in gel form and require no water.
How long should sick kids stay home?
As a parent, you can help prevent the spread of illness by not sending
a sick child to school or child care. Each facility generally has
its own rules, but most won't let children attend if they have a
fever of more than 100.4 F, are vomiting or have diarrhoea. In addition,
some facilities require that children with strep throat or pink
eye be on antibiotic therapy for 24 hours before returning. Generally,
though, children can return to school when they:
• Have no fever
• Can eat and drink normally
• Are rested and alert enough to pay attention in class
• Have completed any period of medically recommended isolation
Resistance comes with time
Despite all your best efforts, your child is going to get sick —
especially during his or her first few years of contact with larger
groups of children. But a child's immunity improves with time. School-age
children gradually become less prone to common illnesses, and they
recover more quickly from the diseases they do catch.
Why Teenagers Become
So Impossible
Ever wondered why teenagers are so 'different'?
What is it that happens when a child reaches 13? Do his brains
suddenly fall apart? One moment he is polite and cheerful, then
next he is grumpy and rude. And girls are no better. Strangely enough,
recent research tells us that their brains do, in fact, fall apart!
The brain is an amazing piece of equipment. It is often compared
to an immensely powerful computer, which it is. But one huge difference
is that computers need to be programmed by someone else, whereas
the brain not only programs itself, it even re-wires itself!
From birth the brain is creating and breaking connections. As it
takes in information from the environment, it recognizes patterns,
and learns responses. Whenever something is repeated the connections
becomes stronger. In this way the brain learns and adapts to its
environment - learning complex skills such as language, mathematics,
reading, running, and social behaviour. For the first 12 years or
so the brain is wired up in "child mode". The purpose
of these first years is to learn as many skills as possible from
within the safety of the protection of ones parents.
But come the teen years there is a change. Skills have been learnt.
Now it is time to branch out, put the skills into practice in the
real world, learn how to live independently and, most importantly
for us as a species, learn how to negotiate sexually charged relationships.
This requires a new way of understanding and responding to the world.
The ultimate goal of this is to become a fully independent adult,
with a success at procreation. And so the teen years are genuinely
different from the pre- teen years. Sexual hormones DO rise, causing
mood swings and an interest in the opposite sex.
But, at the same time, the brain also undergoes a massive rewiring
and reprogramming. The brain has to convert into "adult mode".
Coupled with this is their sudden physical growth, and an escalation
in the demands by society. No wonder teenagers are rather confused!
The net result is:
1. Clumsiness
If your arm has suddenly grown an inch, but your brain has not yet
caught up with this fact, you will miscalculate distances. The result?
Mugs of coffee being knocked over and other acts of physical clumsiness.
2. Increasing dependence on peer relationships.
Ultimately you will become independent from your parents so that
you can live in society as an equal partner with your peers. But
you have little experience in interacting with other people - other
than to squabble over childish games. So your social interactions
are also likely to be clumsy - at times inappropriate, too intense,
or too shallow, and confused by shifting allegiances as you try
to figure out "who am I and how do I fit into this world"?
This is a time of elation and despair as friendships are made, broken,
and betrayed.
3. A need to belong
We all long to belong, yet the task of the teen years is to NOT
belong to ones parents any more. But being independent is scary.
So one moment we cling to the security of home, the next we reject
it for the security of belonging to our friends - hence all the
badges of belonging: outrageous fashion statements, memberships
of gangs, allegiance to sports teams.
4. A need to be independent
Ultimately we will have to live in the world according to our own
morals, principles, and priorities. But as a child all we know are
our parents' views on those matters. Now is the time to explore
different sets of values to see how well they fit. But often that
means doing the opposite to what our parents say. Well, how else
are we going to forge our own character? Don't be surprised when
your teenager tries out "rebellious" behavior - it is
an important part of becoming independent.
5. The hormones
Ah, yes, the hormones. They do affect moods (ask any pre-menstrual
woman!). And they add another dimension to the whole peer-to-peer
thing: sexual competition. Never mind the schoolwork. What really
counts is "can I find a mate? Will anyone want me?" and
so "the girls watch the boys, while the boys watch the girls
who watch the boys go by" (Andy Williams). Who will get the
cutest girl? Of course, you as an adult have a more balanced perspective
on this whole boy-girl thing. Hmm, when you read the tabloids and
watch the antics of the movie stars I'm not so sure about that!
By the time they reach adulthood they need to have figured most
of this out. That is a lot of social learning that needs to happen.
And to achieve that, there is a lot of brain rewiring that needs
to be done. The trouble is that, just like when you renovate your
home, everything has to be torn out, making a lot of mess, before
it can be made better than it was before. By the age of 18 most
of the major brain rewiring has been done. But from 13 to 18 it
is most definitely a building site. And building sites, as you know,
can be dangerous places!
So, the next time you wonder how your darling little girl or boy
came to be replaced by this unreasonable and moody teenager, just
bear in mind what they are going through, and cut them a little
bit of slack. They will come through it and out the other end. After
all, you did.
------------
Dr. Noel Swanson has written extensively on Child Behaviour Topics.
For more of his articles, and to get his excellent book 'The GOOD
CHILD Guide - putting an end to bad behaviour' visit his website
http://www.good-child-guide.com
"Mum, I'm Bored!"
By Dr. Noel Swanson
Hmmm. How many times have you heard that from your kids? And what
happens when you hear it? Do you feel pangs of guilt and a sense
of obligation that somehow you are failing as a parent if you cannot
keep your children entertained? These days it seems that boredom
has become almost a crime against humanity. Adults and children
alike frantically rush around, seeking some kind of stimulation
to stave off the dreaded B word. Yet, increasingly, we turn to passive
forms of entertainment
to achieve that - TV and video games being chief among them. The
result? A whole bunch of kids that are fat and unfit, and at risk
of diabetes and other health problems as they grow up. Is that what
you want for your kids?
So what should you do when your children are "bored"?
It seems to me that you have two options:
1. You can try to keep them entertained. Or,
2. You tell them to entertain themselves.
Now, which of these you choose will depend on your basic philosophy
of parenting: is it your job to give your children everything they
want and ask for, as to fail to do that would be tantamount to deprivation
and neglect (after all, why shouldn't they have the benefits of
all that you can provide for them?). Or is it your job to train
them to become self-confident, independent individuals who are able
to succeed in a complex and constantly changing modern society?
If you believe the former, then please, go ahead and indulge them
their every whim. Why not? They are your precious darlings after
all, and you want to give them every advantage that you never had
when you were a kid. The world needs adults who are focused on short
term gratification. People who are driven by their passions, rather
than their principles and decisions. Why? Because these are the
people, that will be our work force. Constantly spending their money
on the latest gadgets and fads, they are constantly in debt, and
so always in need of a job. The world couldn't run without people
like that.
But the world also needs leaders. People who can think independently.
Who can create and add value to the world. Be they inventors, designers,
statesmen, artists, authors, entrepreneurs, these are the people
who are prepared to think long term, putting off immediate gratification
for a more distant, but much bigger, benefit.
The workers make the wheels go around, and we couldn't do without
them. But the leaders design the wheels, and the engines to power
them, and the artwork to make them more beautiful. And they reap
their reward in proportion to the value they bring to society.
So, which group do you want your children to join?
Please, don't get me wrong. I am not saying one group is better
than the other - we need both. But what I am saying is that the
choices that you, as a parent, make will influence your children's
future. And none so clearly than in how you handle the Boredom issue.
You see, if you provide them with passive entertainment, they get
an immediate buzz. But when the program ends, the buzz ends. And
a big vacuum opens up. BOREDOM. It is like addiction to a drug.
Desperately they need another fix of entertainment - and the will
do no end of whining or other mischief to get you to provide it
for them.
But what if you don't provide it for them? A vacuum does seek to
fill itself. At first they will do all they can to get another fix.
They will mope around. They will whine. They will cry and tell you
you're the meanest parent in town. They will remind you that their
friend at school, Billy, has 3 DVD players, 5 games consoles, a
nine foot TV screen, and gets to drink beer too, so why should they
be deprived? You will feel terrible, and will be sorely tempted
to ease their suffering - after all, just another hour on the TV
won't hurt them, will it? Just like just one cigarette for your
colleague who is three days into abstinence won't hurt him either?
DON'T DO IT! All they will learn is that:
a) if they make enough fuss they can get you to give in,
b) the world does owe them a living,
c) why work towards something, when you can get it the easy way?
This is the kind of thinking that leads to people being in debt
and dependent on the welfare state.
Gradually, as they realize that you are not playing that game any
more, they will start to look around to find other ways to fill
the void. After about two or three weeks, they will have discovered
BOOKS (remember what they were?), and maybe drawing, painting, writing
poetry, sewing, football, running, canoeing, karate, as well. Another
month or two and they will wonder how they ever had time to be bored!
Now, instead of getting their daily fix of passive pleasure, they
are developing their creativity and their initiative.
They are taking charge of their own entertainment and, as a result,
are learning to take responsibility for their own lives.
And that is the kind of thinking that leads to success. So, which
future do you want for your children? Here is my challenge to you:
1. Get rid of the TV. You don't need it. It adds nothing to life.
2. Stick the poster (found at http://www.good-child-guide.com/products/bored.pdf)on
the fridge. When the children are bored, point them to it and remind
them that staying bored is a CHOICE. They can either mope about
hoping someone will entertain them, or they can find or create something
to do for themselves.
3. Get hold of the book, "The Phantom Tollboth", by Justin
Miles. A lovely children's book about Miles, who was always bored.
Read it yourself and give it to your children to read.
4. If you are struggling with your children's behaviours, and could
do with some strategies for helping them to grow up as sensible
and mature adults, get hold of my ebook, The GOOD CHILD Guide, available
from http://www.GOOD-CHILD-Guide.com . (The attached poster is an
extract from the book). This will help you to be much more effective
and proactive in your parenting.
It will be tough for the first few weeks. But after that both you
and your children will find a whole new depth and meaning to life.
Believe me, it is worth it.
-----
For more of Dr. Noel Swanson's articles, his free newsletter, and
his highly acclaimed book, visit http://www.good-child-guide.com.
You can download your own copy of the GOOD CHILD Guide from here:
http://www.good-child-guide.com/index1.php
The International Language we all understand:
We live in an urban area and have many neighbours from all around
the world. Egypt, Korean, Chinese, South African and Pacific Islands
to name a few. The grandchildren were away for a day and I actually
had time to sit on the deck in the sun, as I listened I could hear
all the various languages from our neighbours. It struck me that
the one unifying sound from the many dialectic’s that I could
hear all I could understand was laughter. Have you heard or contributed
to this international language today? Try it! ?
Left Over Crayon Stubs:
As your children while away hour after hour hard at work in their
coloring books, the crayons wear away into stubs that are too small
to use. Instead of throwing them away, you can make “crazy
crayons”: blocks of melted crayon scraps. We used a miniature
heart and circle-shaped baking tins, but any small-size tin will
work. Preheat an oven to 200°. Cut the spent crayons into pea-sized
pieces with a utility knife (it’s probably best for an adult
to handle this step), and separate them by color. Let your child
fill a tin with the colors of his or her choice, and bake the crayons
until the wax has just melted, 15 to 20 minutes. Allow the crayons
to cool, and then remove them from the tin. If they prove difficult
to remove, an hour in the freezer should make the job easier. Thanks
to Cheryl Florida USA.
