Incredible people doing incredible things: greetings and Kia Ora.
Data Base 3285 Carers
CAMPS FOR YOUR GRANDCHILDREN:
SPONSORED - National.
We are still holding funds to pay for your grandchildren, and/or
whanau children to attend a holiday camp from all of our GRG regions
throughout NZ.
Criteria: You will need to source a supervised holiday camp near
you. Email or post in the child’s name, address, age, gender
and telephone number. The GRG Trust will directly pay the holiday
camp fees, to the camp concerned, therefore we also need the camp
name & address. You are still able to keep the UCB you get for
the child/children whilst they are away and you can have a few days
of child-free relaxation!
The following areas have their quota of children already for camps:
Hamilton, West/South Auckland and North Shore. Te Awamutu, Te Kuiti,
Upper Hutt, Wellington, Whangarei, Kaitaia, Helensville, Masterton,
Nelson, Whangamata & Thames.
We need you to apply as soon as possible please as these camps
will be in January 2007.
Next of Kin TV series:
Penelope Keith and her husband have had to take over the raising
of 3 grandchildren after their parents deaths. You will be able
relate to this. Channel 6: Sky TV (UKTV) 3.45pm week days.
Carer Support Payments:
If you are raising a child with special needs or psychological problems
you may be entitled to Carer Support for respite care, this is paid
for by the Health Department and is arranged through your mental
health team or special needs support people. If you are granted
this you may be entitled to 28 days per year. You can either use
an Agency for respite care or a family member or a friend.
Unsupported Child Benefit:
If the children have left your care and are now living with someone
else you MUST notify Work & Income and get the UCB stopped.
If you do not do this you WILL be asked to pay it back.
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New Web Site: www.kiwifamilies.co.nz
Here you will find over 200 articles of information for parents,
with a comprehensive section on Support Groups.
Questions in the House this
month: Remember this people
Childcare-Grandparents
12. PAULA BENNETT (National) to the Minister for Social Development
and Employment: Are grandparents raising their grandchildren going
to be given the same assistance that foster parents receive; if
not, why not?
Hon DAVID BENSON-POPE (Minister for Social Development and Employment):
The 2005 Labour manifesto made the commitment that we would "Extend
the support provided for grandparents raising grandchildren and
other carers on a pension, in particular those taking on caring
due to family breakdown, to provide them with the sort of allowances
provided to foster parents". We remain committed to that policy,
and work is under way to deliver it.
Paula Bennett: Is it the Government's intention to asset test grandparents
and whanau carers?
Hon DAVID BENSON-POPE: No.
Gordon Copeland: Can the Minister confirm that United Future's Judy
Turner has had sustained involvement in this issue by working with
the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust's Diane Vivian, and
lobbying the Government to achieve an equitable result for kin caregivers?
Hon DAVID BENSON-POPE: Although I cannot comment on the work that
United Future might have done with the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
Trust outside Parliament, I can confirm Judy Turner's longstanding
involvement in caregiver issues. In particular, I am grateful to
that member for her insights into the issues faced by this group,
and for the contribution she has made to the work that the Ministry
of Social Development is doing on the issue. I commend Mrs. Turner's
work and I hope that future work relating to the financial assistance
of kin caregivers will continue to involve United Future.
Barbara Stewart: Does he acknowledge that learning, behavioural,
and significant health problems are common among the children being
raised by their grandparents; if so, why are they not eligible for
the assistance given to children being raised by unrelated foster
parents?
Hon DAVID BENSON-POPE: It is exactly for that reason that we have
this policy and are intent on delivering on it.
Paula Bennett: If it is not the Government's intention to asset
test grandparents raising their grandchildren, why did Lianne Dalziel,
the Minister of Women's Affairs, announce at the recent National
Council of Women of New Zealand conference that grandparents would
be asset tested?
Hon DAVID BENSON-POPE: I am aware of that report, and I am advised
that the Minister did not make the comment that has been attributed
to her.
Barbara Stewart: Is the Minister aware of the barriers faced by
elderly New Zealanders in finding employment; if so, why does the
Government consider that grandparents deserve $3,000 less annually
than foster parents, who are less likely to face the same barriers
to employment?
Hon DAVID BENSON-POPE: I can assure that member that Work and Income
will continue to work effectively with all New Zealanders who seek
work.
Paula Bennett: Why would a Minister in this Government make a statement
about grandparents being asset tested when foster parents are not,
when it costs the same amount to raise a 5-year-old whether or not
one is related to the child?
Hon DAVID BENSON-POPE: The statement I made was quite clear. I am
advised that the Minister did not make the statement that has been
attributed to her.
Paula Bennett: Why has this Government made so little progress in
assisting grandparent carers, and why has the much talked about
policy development with United Future still not been completed;
or does the Minister think those children would be better off under
the care of Child, Youth and Family?
Hon DAVID BENSON-POPE: This is an extraordinarily complex issue,
and it goes right to the root of caring and family responsibilities.
There are no simple answers, but I must say that I see no similar
policy on the National Party books.
Hon Lianne Dalziel: I wish to make a personal explanation in relation
to the allegations that have been made. I attended the National
Council of Women conference earlier on this year. I was asked a
question in respect of the issue of grandparents raising grandchildren.
I responded to the question, and in my comments made the point that
people were eligible for the Working for Families package, which
was means-tested-which is true. Unfortunately, the National Council
of Women, through a misunderstanding, has reported that comment
as my saying that work was being done on an asset test. That is
incorrect. I have raised the issue with the National Council of
Women.
Paula Bennett: I seek the leave of the House to table the November
circular of the National Council of Women.
Madam SPEAKER: Leave is sought to table that document. Is there
any objection? There is objection.
ENDS
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I wonder if you will recognise
yourself in the following story:
Help! My child lies: By Dr. Noel Swanson
Lying infuriates adults.
The funny thing is, though, that it is the adults that often set
the child up. It goes like this:
Mother has just heard that Greg was throwing stones at someone:
"Greg, what have you been up to this afternoon?" [What,
you expect me to confess if you don't know?]
"What do you mean? Nothing." he says, with an innocent,
puzzled, expression.
"Did you throw stones at that new girl?" [Hmm, maybe I
can get away with this.]
"No.", he answers, startled that you could think such
a thing of him.
"Well Mavis says you did."
"Well it wasn't me, it was some other kid." [Surely she
will believe her son before a neighbour!]
"She seems pretty sure it was you."
"Well, she's wrong, it wasn't me!"
First Mum tempts him to lie to wriggle out of it, and she corners
him with the lie. It is showdown time. What will Mum do? Is she
confident that Mavis is totally reliable? Or is there some shadow
of doubt? Greg seems to be pretty insistent, what if it was some
other kid? If she lets him off, she will have to apologise for doubting
him. If she convicts him, it will be double punishments, one for
lying and one for throwing stones.
Most children will lie to get out of trouble. Your job is to encourage
them to tell the truth, not tempt them to lie more. That means that
there must be some definite benefit for confessing, rather than
trying to wriggle out of it.
First you need to lay some foundations of truth and honesty in your
home. Make sure that you, yourself, don't lie. Get into the habit
of noticing and rewarding honesty and truthfulness. Talk about the
value of honesty, and a good reputation. Demonstrate that honesty
is a Good Thing, and that it gets rewarded.
Then, when you do suspect your children of some misdemeanour, stay
calm.
If you know what they have done, do not ask them, "Did you
do it?" Why tempt them? Tell them what you know, and dish out
the consequences. On the other hand, you can invite them to tell
you the truth. This is how it might be done:
"Greg, Mavis has told me about something she saw this afternoon.
I would like to know what happened. But before you tell me, I want
you to go away and think about it for 15 minutes. And remember,
we value honesty in this household."
Greg now has time to calm down and decide whether to dig himself
in deeper, or to cut his losses and come clean. If he confesses,
praise his honesty. If, after this, he still lies, then it is double
the punishment, once for lying and once for the "crime".
Either way, once things have calmed down, talk about the feelings
of anger, envy, or insecurity that may have led to the behaviours.
Show that it is okay to have such feelings, but feelings don't excuse
bad behaviour. Be patient, they won't talk until they know it is
safe; that you won't "blow up" at what they say.
Dr. Noel Swanson, Consultant Child Psychiatrist and author of "The
GOOD CHILD Guide", specializes in children's behavioural difficulties
and writes a free newsletter for parents. He can be contacted through
his website: http://www.good-child-guide.com.
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Media Article Whakatane: By
Judy Turner MP
“Don’t think it couldn’t happen to you”
is the line Diane Vivian regularly uses when speaking in public
about her life.
In 1997 Diane took on the job of raising two grandchildren. Her
situation caring for traumatised children was overwhelming, and
in desperation she ran an advert in a local paper to see if she
could connect with anyone else in the same circumstances. The phone
hasn’t stop ringing.
‘Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust NZ’ is now
in 43 centres throughout New Zealand, including Whakatane. They
run an information and support service for the thousands of amazing
Grandparents who have given up a big chunk of their lives to step
into the breach created by their children who are clearly unfit
to safely care for their own children.
The challenges are devastating. Typically these Grandparents fall
into two categories. Super-annuitants on low fixed incomes, and
those in their late 40’s and 50’s, who are potentially
in their prime earning years, accumulating a retirement fund. Instead
they often have to give up paid work to change nappies and coach
netball teams again. They can usually get the Unsupported Childs
Benefit, but it is substantially less than is paid for Foster-Care,
and without the additional allowances paid for Foster Care.
Those who have already down-sized to a small, low maintenance retirement
property, find themselves back at the bank signing up for a mortgage
so that they can set up a family home again.
Then there are the legal bills! Keeping the grandchildren safe from
their dys functional parent’s, eats away any nest-egg they
may have saved. The stress associated with this is immense.
Many experience social isolation as they don’t quite fit in
with the young Mums and Dads at Kindy and School, and old friends
stop including them in their plans, because they have to bring the
kids.
Those that are in second marriages, find their new partner understandably
resistant to the unplanned responsibilities. Their other children
and grandchildren feel short-changed as well. Significant relationships
are strained to breaking point.
Then there are the children themselves. The circumstances that put
them at risk have left their scars. Neglect and abuse have usually
characterised their early years. Learning, behavioural and significant
health problems are common. In short, these kids are not easy to
manage and it is difficult to find anyone to take them for a weekend
every now and then, so that the grandparents can get a break.
One of the nice things for most grandparents is that you can ‘hand
them back’ at the end of the day. Grandparents raising grandchildren
can’t. But their love is undeniable.
The plight of kinship caregivers is well documented both in international
studies and within the NZ context. There are some simple policies
that could be implemented to ease their load. Full Foster Care status
should be afforded the children once permanent care arrangements
are established and legal aid and respite care should be their right.
I don’t apologise for being a dripping tap in the Minister’s
ear on this matter.
In Whakatane the contact person for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
is Shirley Faulkner (07) 3228524 shirleyfaulkner@quicksilver.net.nz
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Masada:
Masada, a centre situated in a quiet reserve in Pakuranga Auckland
which supports, kids, teens and adults who are able and disabled.
For more information Ph 09 576 5229 email masada.c@xtra.co.nz or
www.masada.org.nz
They offer:
Vocational Training – for school leavers or those in transition.
We offer an on-going learning and training and recreational environment,
a lifeworks course that is NZQA accredited, self esteem, confidence
building, work experience and supported employment opportunities.
Kids & Teen Time Holiday Care – The only centre in the
East that is open to all siblings with and without special needs
from 5 years and up. Cooked meals provided daily. Trained mature
staff deliver age appropriate programmes to activate and stimulate.
Dance Studio – Hip hop classes Tuesday and Wednesday 3:45pm
to 4:45pm.
Improves confidence and builds social circle whilst improving co
ordination in muscle and movement.
Respite Care – A happy home environment complete with hydrotherapeutic
spa offering parent’s time out: .Short term stay: weekend,
long term or emergency care. Permanent residential care also is
available.
For additional information on any of our highly recommended services
I would welcome your call. We are Child Youth & Family approved
and welcome Carer Support funding. Oscar subsidy’s available
for all holiday programmes. We do accept applications from all over
the Country.
Norma-Jean Vickers CEO
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Children who Steal
By Dr. Noel Swanson
Children steal for a variety reasons. Some steal for comfort, others
to impress a group of friends, get back at their parents, or to
get the things they want. Sometimes they steal just because it is
exciting. Probably as many as one in four children have deliberately
stolen something at some time. Most, of course, never do it again.
But those who do, do so for one reason: it works. Whatever their
core need: attention, money, or excitement, the stealing provides
it for them.
So how do you stop it? Obviously, if you can help them to find another
way to meet their needs, then they won’t have to continue
with the stealing.
Along with this, your main emphasis needs to be on promoting honesty.
Use everyday events, such as stories from television or school,
as a starting point for talking about honesty, integrity, and family
morals.
At the same time, model it yourself. What do you do when you find
a wallet in the street? Or when you are given too much change in
a shop? Your children will be watching you, and learning.
Then watch your children. Not to catch them out, but to catch them
being good. Reward and praise the little acts of honesty that you
see. All of this promotes a culture of honesty in the home.
If you do catch them stealing, stay calm. Losing your temper will
not help, and may even act as a reward for them. Secondly, do not
tempt them to lie their way out of it.
Encourage your child to do the right thing. This means putting it
right. Not just paying back what was stolen, but also paying compensation
for the inconvenience and disrespect caused by the theft. Ideally,
the child should do this himself, probably with your support. Here
are some suggestions:
Return the goods to the manager of the shop, school child, or teacher,
along with some compensation and an apology.
If taken from a stranger, confiscate the goods (perhaps hand them
in at the police station) and impose a fine.
If the goods have already be sold and spent, he may have to sell
some of his possessions (perhaps to you) to pay for them and the
fine. Make sure what he sells is gone for good.
Arrange for some "community service" for the victim or,
if unknown, for the family or neighbours.
Taking the stolen property back is his opportunity to do the right
thing. If they refuse, you then have no alternative but to impose
an even higher penalty. The message must always be that doing the
honest thing, even if it is after the event, is still the best policy.
Avoid a long grounding sentence. Jail does not reform hardened criminals,
and grounding will probably not reform your own little angel.
Finally, once it is over, get over it. Get back into reward mode,
look for the things your child is doing right, not wrong, and work
hard at reinforcing honesty. It is the stealing that is the enemy,
not your child.
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Media in Otago Daily Times:
Tuesday, 21st November 2006
Grandparents call for higher board payments
By John Lewis
A group of Dunedin grandparents is calling for the Government to
honour its election promise and address the long-standing anomaly
in the benefits system between grandparents and foster parents.
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren North Dunedin Group secretary
Patricia Bishop said people looking after their grandchildren were
becoming despondent, because they were receiving less financial
support than foster parents. It was a hurtful and unfair situation,
she said.
Minister for Social Development and Employment David Benson-Pope
said yesterday the issue was being addressed “right now”.
Mrs Bishop said grandparents did not give birth to the children
being cared for, “but we do everything that every other parent
would”.
“We’re on call 24/7, we feed them, clothe them, love
them everything a parent should do.”
Rather than enjoy the relaxation of retirement, Ms Bishop said many
grandparents in Dunedin had taken on the stress and financial burden
of caring for their grandchildren because the children’s parents
were no longer willing or able to.
Some may have a mental illness, they may have been in accidents,
been killed, are disabled, drug addicts or alcoholics.
“There are also some who just can’t hack it and don’t
want to take responsibility for their own children.”
Ms Bishop said the children ranged in age from babies to teenagers.
“It’s out of sheer love that we do it. We don’t
want to see them go into foster care. I couldn’t bear the
thought of my own flesh and blood being brought up by strangers
and the uncertainty of how they will be looked after.”
Ms Bishop said the board allowance from the Department of Child,
Youth and Family had been raised by a couple of dollars per week
recently, but it was still nowhere near enough to support a family.
The allowance paid varied from person to person.
“It’s roughly half of what the foster parents get,”
she said.
“Well over half are single grandparents looking after one,
sometimes two grandchildren. It makes it very difficult to cope.
“We want the financial assistance given to grandparents to
be equal with the foster care allowances.”
Ms Bishop said part of the inequity problem was because some families
had abused the system and the Department of Child, Youth and Family
automatically expected the family to gather around and support each
other.
“But our situation is different. We don’t have extended
family to help us.”
Ms Bishop said there were 41 members of the North Dunedin and South
Dunedin Grandparents Raising Grandchildren groups, and believed
there could be as many as 200 people raising their grandchildren
in the city who were not members. Nationwide, the organisation supported
3285 members.
However, grandparents were not the only caregivers struggling on
lower benefits. Aunties, uncles and unofficial foster parents also
suffered from inequality in benefit payments.
A Department of Child Youth and Family spokesman declined to comment.
Mr Benson-Pope said he was aware of the manifesto commitment made
by the Government. “People will know how good the Government
has been at keeping promises and this is one the Government intends
to keep. “The difficulty is delivering the support to those
whom I believe are entitled to it, without breaching the Bill of
Rights Act in terms of discrimination by age. It’s a very
technical issue. “The commitment remains absolute and I have
people working on the issue right now.”
Playing I Spy:
With a just turned 4 year old grand son. The word begins with M.
Well after many guesses at many M words, we gave up. His answer
was. ‘It is mvelope’ That just cracked us all up. Would
never have got that in a million years!
Handy Hints:
Wrap Celery in tinfoil and keep in fridge, it will stay fresh and
crunchy.
Zip sticking? Run a lead pencil along it several times.
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things
that matter.” - Martin Luther King Jr.
National Convenor and the team.
E te Atua, aroha mai..... O God shower us with love
Ka kite
* Please feel free to send this report on to others whom you think
may be interested:
* Please pass this on to other grandparents/kin carers you know
of.
* Views expressed in this newsletter may not be the views of the
GRG Trust.
* GRG Trust Head Office hours are 9am-3pm daily. (We raise grandchildren
too)
* We are totally a voluntary organisation.
Abbreviations:
• GRG – Grandparents raising Grandchildren ™
• H/O – Head Office
• H/B – Handbook
• BOT – Board of Trustee’s
• CYF – Child Youth & Family Services • Co’s
– Co-ordinator/s
• UCB – Unsupported Child Benefit.
• WINZ – Work & Income NZ now DWI – Department
of Work & Income
• Grand’s – Grandparents
• G/c – grandchild/ren
Membership: 2963 (families)
Web: www.raisinggrandchildren.org.nz Email parenting2@xtra.co.nz
Free Phone 0800 GRANDS or 0800 472637 (not for use for Auckland
callers)
Tel: 09 4806530 Fax: 09 4806572 Postal Add: PO Box 34 892 Birkenhead.
Auckland
If you no longer wish to receive this newsletter please contact
the Trust Office as this is where the total mail out membership
is kept.
Moved home or planning to…be sure to let us know.
Te Tautoko i nga Mätua Tupuna, me nga Mokopuna.
Te Ao mai rano, aianei, a muri ake nei.
Supporting: Grandparents and grandchildren.
Our past: present and future.
