SUBJECT: National Office NZ Report May 2008

Carer Data base: 3638
Greetings, Kia Ora koutou katoa hope this finds you all well.

GRG News

Budget 2008 provides more support for grandparents raising grandchildren
The Government is investing an additional $24.6 million over four years in additional assistance to more than 7,500 caregivers, including many grandparents, who care for more than 10,300 children who cannot be looked after by their parents.

“Many grandparents around the country are playing an especially valuable role in caring for grandchildren when they cannot be with their parents,” said Social Development Minister Ruth Dyson.

“They are sharing their skills and experience with younger generations. They can be great mentors and role models and can make such a difference to young people’s lives.

“This additional funding is therefore not only a positive investment in our children but is also recognition of the valuable role played by caregivers such as grandparents, and the costs they face,” said Ruth Dyson

This additional support will take effect from1 April 2009, when the Unsupported Child’s Benefit and the Orphan’s Benefit weekly rates will be increased to align with the Foster Care Allowance (FCA) weekly board rates.

Age of Child Weekly UCB/OB rate from 1 April 2008 Weekly UCB/OB rate from 1 April 2009
0-4 $121.50 $127.99
5-9 $139.73 $148.53
10-13 $148.83 $163.91
14+ $157.92 $179.19

Calling East Auckland Members
Panmure: Glen Innes: Howick: Tamaki: Glendowie: Remuera: Point England. A combined meeting has been organised for you by Alison (our GRG field Officer) at the Remuera Community House 4 Victoria Avenue; Remuera at 10am on Wednesday the 11th June. Parking is not available at the venue, but there is a New World car park nearby which you can use. There will also be an opportunity at this meeting to set up other groups in this wider area if distance is a problem for you. return to top

Te Awamutu GRG Group News
All is well down here in the Waikato! recovering from the Big V 8 Cars Chiefs win against Crusaders!
Grandparents had a Big Day out this month to the Waikato District Health Board development of the new 8 level car park, transit lounge and emergency department followed by a cruise on the V8 track and a visit
to the Tamahere explosion site.
In May we will have guest speakers Lawyer Mandy legal matters, Ada rep - Alzheimer / Dementia.
We are no longer meeting in Te Awamutu, the group has decided to remain in Kihikihi.
Every 2nd Wednesday of the month. Contact Rangitaia on 07 8713781 021 521950

GRG’s Central Wellington
A need has been identified for a Central Wellington coffee group to meet during the day by our Regional Co Terry. Sally will host these, phone 027 499 0133 or Terry on 04 4706618.

Waitakere GRG Support Group
Dominique Young has retired as Co after many years of wonderful service and we wish her well on her new adventure. Thanks for all your hard work over the last 6 years. Judy Johnston is the new Co for this area Ph 09 838 3662 email jjohnston22@xtra.co.nz We extend a warm welcome to Judy.

Raglan (new GRG Support Group)
A need has been identified in this area. Diane Cooper will initially facilitate this group, they will meet in the Raglan Community Centre every week during the month of June. Starting June 4th (Wednesday) at 10am. Contact for Diane is 07 825 8147. Thank you Diane.

Email Members: Get Yourself Added to the Address Book: We please are asking you to add our email address to your address book or “white list” so that when your email arrives it goes straight to your inbox.

Who are the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust NZ and what do we do
Voluntary roles: - Board of Trustees, National Convenor, Regional & Local Support Group Coordinators, Volunteer worker
Paid Positions: - Secretariat, Field Officers

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust New Zealand
A Summary of the Roles Performed by the GRG Trust:

Board of Trustees – Diane Vivian (Chair), Nicolette Bodewes, Debbie Gillies, Trevor Pugh, Mere Tunks, Kate Woodd, Jill Worrall
• Assist with strategic planning and direction of the organisation
• Interpret and enforce the polices and protocols set out by the GRG Trust
• Maintain full responsibility for all funds, securities and expenditures of the GRG Trust
• Attendance at the 6 weekly Board meetings and the Annual General Meeting

National Convenor – Diane Vivian
• Liaise with Board of Trustees, Secretariat, Field Officers, Regional and Local Support Group Coordinators, Social Service Networks and Members
• Report to the Board of Trustees
• Promote and represent the Trust at a national and international level
• Attendance at events (national and international) to present on behalf of the GRG Trust
• Maintaining relationships with appropriate government departments and stakeholders
• Networking with other like-minded organisations
• Contact as required with funding organisations and sponsors
• Media and public relations
• Public speaking
• Information gathering and dissemination
• Marketing plan implementation where applicable
• Involved in the organisation of special events
• Maintenance of website bulletin board
• Day-to-day administration
• Correspondence received
• Database management, record keeping and record storage
• Creation of monthly newsletter and distribution of Trust resources
• Maintaining the 0800 telephone line and office@grg.org.nz email address

Secretariat – Business Professional Services Limited – an Association Management Company
• Board liaison – Attendance at meetings, minutes, agendas, meeting arrangements, subcommittees, AGM, revision and amendment of constitution and rules, operations manual, statutory duties, ensuring compliance with organisation policies and regulatory requirements
• Financial Management – Annual budgets and cash flows, financial statements, budgeting, bookkeeping, accounting services, invoices, banking, cash flow management, purchasing and stock control, credit management and debt collections, liaison with auditor, management of funds and bank accounts, compliance with IRD, OSH, Statistics, Companies Office
• General Administration – Event planning and management, routine correspondence, day-to-day administration, mailing and distribution, printing, record storage, secretarial services, provision of meeting room, HR support (advertising, interview liaison, contract preparation, wages)
• Communication, Marketing and Relationship Management – Publications (newsletter, graphic design), professional contact with stakeholders, funders and sponsors, organisation of special events, information gathering and dissemination, media relations, public relations, marketing plan implementation where applicable
• Fundraising – Fundraising applications, sponsorship proposals, accountability reports for grants, annual funding plan
• Membership – Help desk as required (answering calls), database management support, information systems, record keeping
• Planning & Strategy – Organizational development and consulting, assistance with strategic business plan where applicable
• Risk Management – Managing any conflicts of interest, insurance of assets, insurance programme management

Field Officers – Robyn Corrigan, Alison Cuthbert
• Liaise with Regional and Local Support Group Coordinators, and the Social Services Network
• First point of contact for coordinators/members in a specific region
• Report to the National Convenor
• Promote and represent the GRG Trust at both local and national level
• Expansion of membership base

Regional Support Group Coordinators – Lorraine Colvin, Samina Corbett, Lynn Falconer, Terry Ututaonga
• Liaise with their Field Officer or the National Convenor as appropriate
• Provide Support to Local Support Group Coordinators

Local Support Group Coordinators – Nola Adams, Cyril Anderson, Wendy Archer, Tricia Barker, Myna Bristow, Lynette Dickinson, Cecilee Donovan, Rangitaia Crowley, Fran Edwards, Paula Eggers, Lynn Falconer, Jan Farquhar, Shirley Faulkner, Maree Hemana, Denise Henman, Sandra Horton, Barbara Jeffries, David Johnsen, Judy Johnston, Kathryn Kanara, Dianne Kinsella, Lodi Liebert, Rangimahora Mahu, Christine Marsh, Carol Martin, Sue McGregor, Nanette Mckendry, Jennifer Miller, Margaret Pearson, Virginia Peebles, Colleen Pene, Janet Puriri, Trisha Reader, Colleen Ross, Jan Spinley, Sue Stannard, Leonie Tirrell, Tammy Tuakimoana, Bromwyn Turner, Irene Turner-Crombie, Terry Ututaonga, Anne van der Straaten, Aad & Leonie Vogel, Bonnie Williams, Diane Cooper
• Liaise with Regional Support Group Coordinators, Field Officers or the National Convenor as appropriate
• Maintain contact with members and other Local Support Group Coordinators
• Networking at a local “grassroots” level
• Hold meetings/get-togethers for members as appropriate/arrange speakers
• Feed names and addresses of new members, meeting dates, times and news back to National Convenor
• Support members in their areas

Volunteer Worker – Birgitt Rehbein
• Posts handbooks and information out to new members

Website targets Youth Depression
A new interactive website, www.thelowdown.co.nz which is part of the Ministry of Health’s National Depression Initiative aims to help young people recognise and understand depression, and encourages them to seek appropriate help, or puts them in touch with trained professionals.

It’s not Easy
Last month there was an article about a grandmother raising her grandchild at 28yrs old. I had taken over the care of my daughter’s children (my grandchildren) when I was 46 and now at 56 I am the court agent for my great grand daughter 19months old that came to me when she was 10 months old and had been made a ward of the court, I think I must have been mistaken or heard wrong when I was told raising my own children was the hardest thing one has to do in life as I am on to the 3rd generation it seems to me that raising the first was the easiest and as time has gone on the generations have got harder to raise . I know that I am probably not the only one out there and I am really grateful to be able to read your news letters as they have some very helpful information in them and some story's that make one feel very much less isolated in the world. Keep up the good work Regards, Louise

To say that parenting a child with RAD and/or PTSD is extremely challenging, intense and exhausting, is a vast understatement. But like any undertaking, the rewards are equal to the difficulty of the task.
Reactive Attention Disorder & Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
There are many excellent books on parenting, including some specifically on parenting children with attachment, trauma and adoption issues. Attach-China favorites include:

Attachment Specific Books:
Adopting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck, PhD and Regina M. Kupecky, LSW; Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck, PhD and Regina M. Kupecky, LSW; Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio
Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray, MSW; Attachment Center Northwest
Building the Bonds of Attachment by Daniel Hughes, PhD
When Love is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD Reactive Attachment Disorder by Nancy L. Thomas; Nancy Thomas Parenting return to top

General Parenting:
How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline, MD and Jim Fay
Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child by Burton L. White

Control and Limit Setting:
One thing that many of these children have in common is their extreme need to be in control of their environment and of the people in it, especially their parents. When they were infants or young children in the orphanage or foster care, they didn't have an opportunity to complete the bonding cycle, which is where trust develops. Or perhaps the move to their new adoptive home interrupted that cycle, and therefore they don't trust adults to take care of them. In addition, when the adults were in charge, the child was abandoned, neglected or possibly hurt. So these very smart children have figured out that to feel safe, they need to be in control.

But it's a Catch-22: The child wants to be in control to feel safe. But a child who is in control is, by definition, not safe, because she doesn't have the cognitive capabilities nor experience to be the leader. This need to control can manifest in non-compliant (oppositional) behaviour, such as not obeying parents' requests, talking back, arguing, constantly interrupting, constantly demanding attention and telling parents what to say and where to sit. Even refusal to eat or toilet train can be efforts at maintaining control at all costs.

Children need parents to set limits so that they will feel safe. In ‘Parenting with Love and Logic’, Foster Cline, MD and Jim Fay describe what firm limits feel like to a child:

Imagine yourself plopped down on a chair in a strange, totally dark environment. You can't see your hand in front of your face. Your only security is the chair. You don't know if you're on a cliff, in a cave, in a room, or wherever.

Eventually you muster enough nerve to move away from the chair and check your immediate surroundings. You find four solid walls. What a relief! Now you feel a little more secure and safe enough to begin exploring the rest of the room, knowing that you won't fall off the edge.

But what if you tested the walls and they crumbled? You would move quickly back to your chair for security. And there you would stay. Your entire environment is mysterious and threatening. . .

Some parents build walls in the form of firm limits for their children; others leave their kids to feel insecure and afraid by providing few limits, or limits that crumble easily.

In ‘Parenting the Hurt Child’, Gregory Keck, PhD and Regina Kupecky, LSW explain that it is even more important for the hurt child to learn to follow their parent leader, rather than to rely on themselves. It is only then that they will be able to learn about "reciprocity, cause-and-effect thinking, being valued, being contained, being safe, or being directed constructively" and about being nurtured. They need to learn that to follow a parent's direction is safe. "They need to know both for their childhood and later on in life that to yield, to cooperate, to surrender, to follow does not signify weakness. Instead, these things may signify wisdom and strength."

Some parents start out by setting firm limits, but the extreme tantrums and opposition of their RAD child may lead them to back off or find a "work around," so that every interaction with their child is not a fight. Sometimes this becomes necessary just to get out of the house and get to work! On the other hand, "There are parents who seem to believe it is so important to encourage a child's independence of mind that they should be very careful about forcing their will on them," writes Burton L. White in ‘Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child’. "Others seem to be afraid that their two-and-one-half-year-old will throw a tantrum and cause them embarrassment." White has found that those parents who have extremely kind and gentle temperaments have the most difficulty being firm limit setters because they hate to see their child unhappy. And setting a limit for a child is going to make that child unhappy, at least temporarily. He recommends that these parents be mindful of their temperament, and suggests, "When in doubt, you can safely assume you are inclined to be overindulgent, and you should therefore try to draw the line a bit more firmly."

White also suggests taking into account the infant's point of view about limit setting. Parents have no problem setting limits when danger is involved, like a child running into the street. An infant doesn't know the difference between running into the street and kicking while being diapered. All she experiences is a parent preventing her from doing something she wants to do. When a child insists on doing anything at all in spite of your serious opposition, your response should be consistent, regardless of the reasons, whether we're talking about eating crackers on the sofa or playing with a sharp knife.

In addition, the adopted child has experienced what attachment therapist Dr Walt Buenning refers to as the "Eternal No." Birthmother said "no" by giving the child up for adoption. It's permanent and it's the ultimate "no." So when mom or dad sets a limit and says "No," the adopted child often equates that with "You don't love me" and responds with a tantrum. The adoptive parents get the anger that rightfully belongs to the birthmother.

It is therefore important for parents to lovingly enforce limits. This may require simple holding and comforting if the child tantrums, (which becomes a wonderful opportunity for attaching).

This is an excellent web site and well worth a look
http://www.attach-china.org/parenting.html

Also check out:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/parenting_bonding_reactive_attachment_disorder.htm
http://www.emedicine.com/ped/topic2646.htm
http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/reactive_attachment_disorder

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids- Derrick, age 8 return to top

Hitting Rock Bottom: March 2004: Remember this article?
After 6 months of asking and visiting the Mental Health team these grandparents have hit rock bottom. But it can be fair to say they have hit rock bottom a number of times over this past 6 months. But the Mental Health team is very proficient in buoying them along. They have tried 2 sorts of drugs with no success for this severely disturbed child. Death threats to the grand’s and other sibling and indeed herself still continue. Rages are explosive and spontaneous. Trashing of the grandparents home has occurred and the police have been called. Requiring, the need for one of the Policemen to restrain her.

She has had the CATT team called in due to her constant running away and violent threats, these grand’s have had psych nurses living in their home at various times keeping a close watch on the child. They too have been threatened by the child as have the Police. This child when in this agitated state has no consequences and is a danger to her self and indeed has the potential to harm others. Yes the Mental Health team, are aware and still they do nothing, their answer is call the Police or the CATT team. After the grandchild had trashed the Mental Health team’s offices and the head Psychiatrist had to restrain her, still nothing happened, eventually, because of the state of the grand’s, the mental Health team decided to call a meeting of all concerned. CYF also attended, the plan was that she would be given 2 weeks hospital stay in the children’s unit and a tracker (person who stays alongside child from CYF) would be supplied over the school holidays in the home. The child was placed on anti psychosis drugs. It was said to the grand’s that the hospital stay would take time to organise. But they were required to go and visit the hospital unit, which the grandfather did. He was told by the Charge Nurse at the hospital it would be no problem and they would keep her there for two weeks in the special child and family unit, get her medication right and that she would have a nurse in this unit with her. She would attend daily therapy. They were in a position to take her.

There was the light at the end of the tunnel. Respite for these exhausted grand’s and indeed peace for the other sibling. This little family walked on egg shells with this child waiting for the hospital stay. Over the week-end the child went from an 11 year old back to a 2 year old mentally, still they coped…just. The child’s obsessional disorder raged, manifesting itself in a cleaning fetish. She scrubbed and cleaned herself, her clothes, the bathroom, toilet and even the car. But whoa betide anyone if she did not get her way. Then, on the Sunday, after her older brother could take it no longer, an argument erupted between them. The grandparents could not placate her nor contain her, she was screaming obscenities and death threats, she was placed in the hall way. The next thing the family heard was a very loud thump and smash. Grandfather raced into the hall way to find the front glass door smashed thru. Grandmother found a child covered in blood. She had smashed both her hands thru the glass, with some force too as it was a lead light glass and was all buckled outwards. The child’s wounds were dressed of which there were two, one, a deep slice to the fleshy part under the thumb. Grandmother being an ex nurse had the necessary equipment to deal with this. Her older brother was hysterical; in fact the whole family was in shock. The child itself went into shock also. She then broke down and sobbed whilst been held tight by a shell-shocked grandmother.

The mental Health team was duly notified the next day and at grandparents insistence reluctantly agreed to get an admission under urgency to the hospital. The hospital agreed and it would be happening not that day but the next day. Plenty of egg shell walking was done yet again, they barely managed to contain her. Phone calls were coming thick and fast from the Mental Health team to the grand’s. By 4pm the next day and no word about hospital admission then came the final straw. No, we can not get her admitted to where the hospital said, only to the High Dependency Unit, where she would be locked in with Psychotic teenagers and we are very concerned as there was an assault in there yesterday. What happened to the unit where the grandfather was shown they asked? Oh well it is nearly school holidays and this closes down (pardon me) and they do not enough staff for her to go there. Hmmm not what the grandfather was told. So these grandparents are now at a stalemate with the 3 Agencies concerned. Still the child concerned rages and the poor little soul, it must be agony for her. It is also agony for the grandparents whom now realise they can not keep this child safe from herself no matter how much they want to. The older brother said he can not stand this much longer. He told the grandparents, you both are adults and you can barely cope can you imagine what it is like for me. You see they must also remember that he too is a damaged child from past abuse and this rage and violence this child is creating is taking him too back to a place from long ago in his abusive childhood.

Grandmother has had to give up her part time job as she now can not think straight; grandfather has had to reduce his work hours as he is needed at home at 3pm to help contain this child. It appears to these grandparents now they are being caught up in 3 Agencies. If they are not careful they will suck all the essence out of these grandparents and they will be left with 2 empty shells and then what becomes of the grandchildren concerned. Back to CYF…? What will become of the other grandchildren whom also love and need these grands?

Grandmother’s asthma is rampant and grandfather’s diabetes is out of control due to stress. Grandmother can not eat and now feels sick all the time, she shakes as it nears home time from school. Grandfather is trying to hold all together, but he can see it is still falling apart. He struggles with his feeling of concern for the child but also for the welfare of the other child and indeed his wife. How do they reach the hard decision to sacrifice one and save the sanity of the others and live with themselves? Or do they just wait until the younger grand-daughter does fatally or seriously injure her self or even one of them.

Finally a meeting was called with the two Agencies and the Grandparents. The question was put to the hospital as to why when they had a unit for younger children why was it not utilized the answer came back that is was empty and they did not have the funding to staff it. .It was agreed by all that the child would be admitted to the High Dependency Unit for 11 days the next morning and issues arising from this were the safety of the child in this unit with teenagers. CYF arranged a tracker to be in there with the child. The grandparents felt relief at this for the child’s safety from the other older young adults in the unit with her. They after admission were to find out that this was only for one day. These grand’s had to take the child over to the unit and leave her there, one of the hardest things they have ever had to do, but there was no other choice. After two days she was moved from the High Dependency Unit into the open Adolescent ward but with a tracker in case she does a runner and they are sure it is for her safety as well. They ask the question what becomes of the broken hearted and why when there is a child unit is it not utilized. Out of all of this these Grandparents want something done about the funding for this child unit to get it operational. They have been told from their social worker that CYF (her office) has 3 children on their books that require this service. So if there are 3 and they have 1, it stands to reason there will be others.

They have asked GRG Trust to lobby on this issue of lack of funding to get this unit staffed. It is unacceptable that a child should have to be placed in with older teenagers. She is just 11 years old and the teenagers range from 14-18 years of age. It must be said that CYF did their bit to keep her safe by placing in a tracker and the staff at this Unit did make sure they kept her away from disturbing situations with other patients. They also stopped letting her drink coffee and tea and put her to bed at an earlier time than 10.30 after the grandparents alerted to them that this was not allowed at home. They have no doubts that having a child in this unit placed a heavy strain upon the staff. return to top

People thus far who have seen this child loose the plot and have been subject to her abuse and violence:
• Grandparents
• Extended family
• Sibling
• Police
• Psychiatrist
• Therapist
• CYF Tracker
• CATT team Nurses

And still nothing is done! The mental health team says the only option is to place her is Foster Care. Her diagnosis is: Borderline Child Syndrome, Obsess ional conduct disorder, Dissociative disorder and Multiple Complex developmental Disorder, Post traumatic stress, High anxiety disorders, tells clearly untruthful things to others, control issues, running away, threatens violence, ambivalent feelings towards caregivers. She views the world in a disjointed paranoid - schizoid way. These Grandparents are now aware of residential care which is available for this child. Dingwell Trust, Richmond Fellowship, Youth Horizons Trust and Youthlink, but getting her in will be very difficult and it also means placing her back under CYF.

Update April 2008 - 4 years later.
We can not believe how we all survived this looking back, but somehow we did. We plunged into weekly therapy sessions which have now lasted 5 years and still continue today. Grandmother also attends Family therapy to learn how to deal with this child. She is still on anti-psychosis drugs (2 types) and we can honesty say if it was not for these drugs, would we still be together today, possibly not. She still has obsessional disorder and will go over and over the same thing for weeks on end, collecting bags, pens, pencils, pencil cases, lip balms etc are still her thing. But hey we can live with that, right! We have learnt how to temper this. She still does have aggressive (note: not violent) outbursts, but instead of lasting 6 hours they are confined to perhaps 20 minutes. She will then go away and think about what she has said and come back and apologize. Where there was no compassion, nor, remorse, we now have the definite beginnings of compassion and remorse, something we work on daily.

We have broken through (almost) the barrier of anger and rage and are moving into the deep sadness, which the Mental Health team are very pleased about. They tell us she is moving into her healing time. After going weekly to Mental Health she is finally doing some actual very good therapy instead of trashing the place and abusing them. Perhaps that has something to do with her age being 15 now, I don’t really know, but we will take it. She no longer blames herself for what had happened in her early formative years, she was born perfect and did not cause this trauma to happen. We had our 2 other little grand-daughters over to stay for the week-end aged 3 & 5 years, she was playing with them and suddenly said, Nan how could any mother or father hurt 2 beautiful girls like this, (she was reflecting on her own experience) I agreed and gently told her that she and her sibling were almost the same age when they came to live with us. That really had an impact!

Grandmother’s therapist who has remained consistent through this 5 year period, of being under their wing, so to speak, has at times been the life line. She has taught me so much in dealing and caring for these types of conditions. It is OK to say I will think about this and talk about it later. These children LOVE to get a ‘rise’ out of you, they then feel they are in control and safe. Ohhh, Ummmmmmmm, goodness me, are phrases that are used a lot in our home. And as hard as it is, do not buy into their tales of horror and drama, she will say the most outrageous things, they are waiting for you to react, so they can climb even higher.

We have also learnt to look for the underlying feeling, she may rant and rage about something that seems inconsequential but if you ask, how does that make you feel sad/angry/upset you will usually really find out what is bothering her and then can sympathize and acknowledge that feeling or emotion.
As hard as this all has been, I guess I am saying that if you notice things are escalating with your grandchild then get early help, it is much easier to get a say 9 year old to therapy than try much later with a 15 year old. Don’t get me wrong life is not a bed of roses here, she still is very loud and talk’s non stop, has high anxiety but as the therapist said, compare it to early years and how bad is it? Yes, that puts it in perspective. Nanny R. return to top

Grandmother's tale of P-lab hell
The Press | Saturday, 03 May 2008 DEAN KOZANIC

A Christchurch woman is nursing her grandchildren through their second-hand addiction to methamphetamine
The grandmother of four children raised in a P lab has exposed the cruel reality of Christchurch's methamphetamine explosion. While they lived with their P-dealing father, three of the children were exposed to the toxic chemicals involved in the making of the drug as well as the social effects linked to the Meth scourge.

The oldest of the four, her 17-year-old grandson, is in prison for P-related crime, while the three girls deal with the legacy of a childhood living with addiction. The girls, who are eight, 10 and 16, went to stay with their 59-year-old grandmother three weeks ago when their father was arrested for producing methamphetamine in his Christchurch home. Their grandmother said the effects of the chemicals used in P production were still evident in the house.

"When I went back to the house to pick up some things for the children, my mouth and fingers went all numb," said the grandmother, who did not want to be named. "The children said their mouths and fingers had been tingling for ages. They said it was as though they had been stung by something but they did not know what." Apart from the effect of noxious substances used in production, the children also had to contend with visits from their father's clients.

"They talk about being out in the car for hours at three in the morning because their dad was doing deals and seeing his friends who were on the drug," the woman said. "They weren't safe a lot of the time. The 16-year-old ran away from home. She said she was sleeping and she was woken up because someone was in her room. When she woke up her dad and his friend were standing over her." This friend later gave the girl a present of a box of marijuana buds. Although she did not say she had been abused, the girl admitted the episode "freaked her out a bit".

On another occasion, their father beat the 10-year-old's puppy so badly it suffered a broken pelvis and broken ribs. "She said that when he woke up the next morning he couldn't remember how it got like that because he was so wasted," the grandmother said. "A lot of the time they are happy children and what I would call normal, but their behaviour can change. I have had the eight-year-old child hitting herself in the head because I have told her off for spitting on the carpet."

The woman said the children were happier in their new home. "They said it is because they feel safe and they can go to sleep and they don't have to worry about anything going on in the house at night," she said. "It has been hard, but they are my grandchildren and I have to look after them."

This is not the only example of children living in these conditions in Christchurch. In November, Child, Youth and Family (CYF) workers took four children into care from a P lab in Bryndwr, including a two-week-old baby. Alcohol Drug Association of New Zealand (Adanz) chief executive Cate Kearney said there could be serious health or behavioural implications for children brought up in P labs.

``To manufacture methamphetamine you need toxic sub stances. Not only would they experience health effects but also the ongoing risk of fire or an explosion,'' said Kearney.``The social consequences of children being exposed to that environment and people coming in to purchase it is not something we like to see.'' Witnessing parents on P could also leave children with mental scars.

``Children are incredibly resilient and just because their parents might have cooked P in all other areas they might be OK,'' she said. ``But when they are taking P there are extreme highs and lows, mood changes come at quite a fast pace and people are going to be moody and bad tempered. That will also impact on the children.''

In general, Kearney said the number of people accessing the Adanz service was not increasing despite the worrying statistics on P use. ``What we want to see for people like those children's father is for him to do a drug-treatment programme while he is in prison so he comes out and can do things differently,'' she said. return to top


An early childhood education service for
CHILDREN • PARENTS/GUARDIANS • CARERS

Philosophy
"Our desire is for every child in New Zealand to be inspired to learn, and have fun doing it!"
• We believe in listening to children’s voices, including those children who have suffered trauma and neglect in their early years, and being advocates for their holistic development, learning and wellbeing.
• We believe in offering strength based early childhood home based care service that will be inclusive of all communities.
• We believe in supporting and encompassing home based educarers/caregivers in their role as the educator of enrolled children in their learning and development.
• We believe in the value of documenting each child’s unique learning journey as an avenue to enhance their sense of belonging, wellbeing, communication, exploration and contribution, to serve as a pathway for their steps toward a positive future.
• We believe that families/whanau; educarers/caregivers and associated agencies have a right to feel they have a sense of belonging and are valued as partners in the learning journey for individual children.
• We believe that the development of collaborative relationships with specialist services, community agencies and other early childhood services maximizes the opportunities for the holistic development of the child.
• We believe that children have a right to be guided in their understanding to maintain confidence in their own culture and to be sensitive to the cultures of other people.

To qualify for the free education programme:
? Carer must be 20 years of age or older.
? The carer must not be the legal parent or guardian of the children.
? A basic Health and Safety check is completed on the caregiver’s home as per The Education (Home-based Care) Order 1992 and amendment 1998. This is for the safety of the caregiver and the child.
? The children must be between the age of 0-6 and not enrolled at a primary school.
? The guardian or arranger of care is required to authorize the enrolment of the child in our service.
? There are no registration or joining fees if you qualify for our service.

NATIONAL SUPPORT OFFICE
0800 Linmark (0800 546 6275) or email: info@linmark.co.nz

Family Dynamics
Q: My 3 yr. old son is confused about his grandparents raising the other grandkids, any suggestions?
The grandparents have 3 grandchildren they are raising, one that is my son’s age. Their house is filled with toys and junk food and everything a kid wants. Our son has been crying hysterically when it comes time to leave or when they visit and all the other kids get to go home with grandma and grandpa but he stays with us. They never ask him to come over and rarely give him any one on one attention. I feel like I should say something, he really is missing out on having true grandparents.

A: It's obviously your siblings’ fault for not being able to raise their own children. Why don't you suggest switching for a day or night? You take the kids that your parents watch and go do something and suggest your parents take just your son out.

They are busy raising children again. I am so sure they love him. I am sure it’s really hard for them to spend 1:1 time with each of the grandkid they have custody of.

Be honest with your child. He might not understand because he is so young. For the grandparents, I was in the same situation. They did more for the granddaughter whose father wasn't around, than for mine. I feel you should treat all your grandchildren the same. I know they are all different but give them the same amount of time.

Now how would you answer this, send us your replies and we shall let you all know in the next newsletter your words of wisdom. Or do you experience the other side of the coin, where the other grandchildren’s parents demand that you have to take care of their children as well as the ones you raise? return to top

Members Request for this again in our newsletter
This poem is the most asked for poem on Colin Magee's (Radio announcer) list of thought provoking emails.

I AM P
I destroy homes, I tear families apart,
take your children, and that's just the start.
I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold.
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.

If you need me, remember I'm easily found.
I live all around you - in schools and in town, I live with the rich, I live with the poor.
I live down the street, and maybe next door.

I'm made in a lab, but not like you think.
I can be made under the kitchen sink.
I have many names, but there's one you know best.
I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is Crystal Meth.

My power is awesome, try me you'll see.
But if you do, you may never break free.
Just try me once and I might let go.
But try me twice, and I'll own your soul.

When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie.
You do what you have to just to get high.
The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms.

You'll lie to your mother, you'll steal from your dad.
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.
But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised.
I'll teach you my ways.

I take kids from parents, and parents from kids.
I turn people from God, and separate friends.
I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride.
I'll be with you always right by your side.

You'll give up everything - your family, your home, your friends, your money, then you'll be alone I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give.
When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.

If you try me be warned - this is no game.
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.
I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind.
I'll own you completely, your soul will be mine.

The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed.
The voices you'll hear from inside your head.
The sweats, the shakes the visions you'll see.
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.

But then it's to late, and you'll know in your heart.
That you are mine, and we shall not part.
You'll regret that you tried me, they always do.
But you came to me, not I to you.

You knew this would happen, many times you were told.
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.

You could have said no, and just walked away.
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?
I'll be your master, you will be my slave.
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.

Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It's all up to you.
I can bring you more misery than words can tell.
Come take my hand, let me lead you to Hell.

This was written by a young girl who was in jail and addicted to Meth. True to her poem the drug owned her and on her release from jail Meth found her again. She was found dead from an overdose not long after her release.

How would you make a marriage work?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. -- Ricky, age 10 return to top

You wrote
Can I please request you tell all about receiving their information files from CYFS? This can be done under the Freedom of Information Act and should take 21 working days.

Di
National Convenor and the team.
heoi ano, na

E te Atua, aroha mai..... O God shower us with love
Ka kite

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