Incredible people doing incredible things: greetings and Kia Ora.
Proudly supporting 3149 families
Wellington GRG’s:
A request please: If you are interested then please make direct
contact with Neil.
I am currently working for the Ministry of Social Development to
develop a photo library of images of New Zealanders.
We have a need for photos that show grandparents with grand kids.
We would quite like to show several different ethnic groups as well.
Do you have any people that would be prepared to be photographed
in Wellington region?
We are happy to supply you with set of images you could use to promote
your organisation.
My number is 04 9341012 or 021719355 neil.mackenzie@paradise.net.nz
Neil Mackenzie. www.nzphotography.co.nz
GRG Hamilton: meets on the third Tuesday of the month at 10.00
am at the Methodist Centre Lounge, 62 London Street, Hamilton. Contact
Lynn 07 855 7280. Lynn reports she has been active in the GRG speech
arena with very successful results and feedback. Way to go Lynn
Nelson GRG Co reports:
Well Nelson has gone crazy, I went and gave a talk to Methodist
Women’s fellowship group a couple weeks ago, then a another
church contacted me - I’m giving a talk at a dinner held on
Saturday night, there is going to be 70 people there. Then on mother’s
day another church is having me as the guest speaker at their church
during the service, now that’s a bit scary, all on GRG. People
are very interested which is great, this is so good as people don’t
know half what we go through. Then in approximately 6 weeks time
I have been invited to speak in Takaka at a ladies church group.
This is wonderful Paula a great way to spread the word and also
educate the public at large!
Whangarei GRG Co reports:
Who is talking ? well I am .........At St John's United Church,
at Trinity United Church and tomorrow at St Paul's Co-operating
parish, all in Whangarei. I have also received a few phone calls
from Grand’s who have heard about us either directly or indirectly
as a result of these talks. At one of the church groups I talked
to they gave me a large container of home-made biscuits as a thank-you
gift - my moko’s would have liked for me to go back the next
week!
Don’t blame them Janet!
Auckland GRG:
Both Samina (Auckland Regional Co) and Di (National Convenor) have
been out and about giving speeches to many Methodist and Presbyterian
Church groups. As many of the attendees at the talks belong to other
organisations we are in hot demand. One of the talks saw 100 people
attend!
Whakatane GRG Co reports:
I would like to say thank you for my supporters at my talks, my
husband Brian, Colleen, Bob and Lorraine, Noeline and Wendy and
of course new comer Jan, these members have encouraged and supported
me, (even though I have been shaking in my shoes).
Thank you people keep it up and our group will go far. Well done
Shirley.
Who is out giving speeches for GRG?
Whangarei, Southland (Regional Co), West Auckland, North Shore City,
Christchurch, Wellington, Upper Hutt, South Auckland (Regional Co).
East Auckland; Tauranga, Whakatane, Carterton: Martinborough: Masterton,
Hamilton, Nelson, Te Awamutu, Matamata and Huntly. There will be
other area’s we have not heard from yet.
Remember this is all part of a charitable drive to get funds to
send as many GRG children as we can to summer camps. The GRG Trust
will be paying the camp fees direct to the camps concerned for GRG
children nation-wide from our support groups as funds allow. As
per the agreement with these church National Committee’s the
funds will be divided equally amongst all our support groups.
We sincerely thank Presbyterian/Methodist Women’s Fellowship
for organising this.
*********** Media Articles for June 06:
Keep a look out for “The Aucklander” and 50+ Magazine.
GRG features in both.
2006 Budget:
What did it deliver for us???
Nothing that we can find! We are calling to you to honour what you
said.
Remember this is the NZ Herald just before election:
Help for grandparents
06.09.05 By Simon Collins
Grandparents raising their grandchildren have won the right to
the same allowances paid to other foster parents - but only if they
are on the pension.
The Labour Party's social development policy, unveiled by Prime
Minister Helen Clark at St Mary's Family Centre in Otahuhu yesterday,
removes a longstanding anomaly where grandparents have got about
$3000 a year less than other foster parents. But the party would
pay foster parent rates only to about 700 grandparents who are on
Superannuation, and not to about 6300 others who are not yet 65.
The national convener of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, Diane
Vivian, said she was pleased for super annuitants but worried about
those under 65 raising their grandchildren on benefits or in the
workforce.
Unrelated families who take in foster children for Child, Youth
and Family Services (CYFS) are paid between $111 and $159 a week,
depending on the age of the child. They also get clothing allowances
averaging $950 a year and can claim for school and medical expenses.
Grandparents and other "kin carers" who take on custody
or guardianship of children get only the unsupported child benefit
of between $95 and $129 a week - an average of $22 a week less than
the foster care payments. They get no clothing allowance, and have
to pay for all school and medical expenses.
Social Development Minister Steve Maharey said it would raise "more
difficult policy issues" to extend foster parents' rates to
all kin carers. Relatives who care for children informally do not
get any state subsidies except for family support payments available
to all parents.
But Mrs. Vivian said a survey of 323 kin caregivers in March found
that 37 per cent of them were living on less than $20,000 a year,
mainly on benefits.
National spokeswoman Judith Collins said she would push for a National
Government to pay grandparents who were pensioners too, and would
look at extending payments to those under 65.
Allysa Carberry, of the South Auckland Caregivers and Foster Care
Association, said the Government should pay the same allowances
to anyone caring for children who have been removed from their natural
parents for care and protection.
And remember this also:
Media Statement
Tuesday, 6 September 2005
Turner welcomes cash for grandparents, but more to be done
United Future deputy leader Judy Turner today said she was pleased
the Government had responded to United Future’s continued
calls to pay grandparents raising their grandchildren the same as
CYFS foster carers by at least raising payments for super annuitants
raising their grandchildren.
“It’s a step in the right direction and a strong acknowledgement
of United Future’s policy as the only party that’s been
pushing this issue for grandparents, but it’s not enough overall,”
Mrs. Turner said.
“It needs to be for all grandparents raising grandchildren.
“Recent studies have shown significant physical, emotional
and financial impacts on these grandparents, so it is not enough
just to target super annuitants, although it is a positive start,”
she said.
Mrs. Turner has repeatedly challenged the Government in Parliament
on this issue over the last two years.
“Effectively, these loving grandparents step into the breach
and do the same job as CYFS carers but for $30 a week less and with
none of the extra expenses that foster carers get taken care of.
“This is simply about fairness,” she said.
A recent Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust survey found that
more than 40 percent of those looking after their grandchildren
were doing so because of drug abuse and addiction issues with their
own children.
“They are doing a job that would otherwise fall on social
agencies. They should not be hit hard for being loving grandparents
doing society and their families a big favour,” Mrs. Turner
said.
From One of our families:
On September the 6th 2005 the article by Simon Collins was published
in the NZ Herald reporting on a new policy for "Grandparents
on a pension raising their Grandchildren".
After reading the article we were over the moon, as we have had
custody of our two Granddaughters for the past 13 years.
When we retired in 1992 we were debt free, mortgage free and had
a tidy nest egg in the bank for a rainy day, now we are the not
so proud owners of a sizeable bank loan with more to come as we
were advised by the Orthodontist this week that the youngest girl
needs between 3 and 4000 dollars worth of orthodontic work.
Upon reading the article we visited Work and Income to apply for
the extra assistance only to be told that there was no such assistance
available.
I then sent an email to Steve Maharey who was the then Minister
involved, he passed it on to Ruth Dyson who passed it on to David
Benson Pope, who had enough troubles of his own at that stage, we
finally got a reply from his office in December that the matter
would be dealt with in the budget.
I've waited patiently for last nights budget to see what the outcome
of your promise would be however after listening to the Budget,
reading this morning papers and today scouring the internet I'm
yet to find any reference to the announcement which was made by
you on the 5th of September 2005 in the St Mary's Family Centre,
and we would really like to hear from the person who made the announcement
when and if we are to get the much needed promised help.
We have received many letters and emails in regard to this and
have also sent emails, and STILL we wait for answers.
Reply: To GRG Office:
The Minister for Social Development and Employment, Hon David Benson-Pope,
has asked me to acknowledge your email dated 19 May 2006 concerning
grandparents raising grandchildren.
The Prime Minister, Rt Hon Helen Clark, has referred your email
to Hon David Benson-Pope for response as the issues you raise fall
within his portfolio responsibilities.
Consideration is currently being given to the matters you raise
in your email and you may expect a reply at the Minister's earliest
opportunity.
Yours sincerely
Still we wait………….. ***********
Latest on CPAG legal action against discriminatory child policies:
Child Poverty Action Group NZ alleges the generous new In Work Payment
is discriminatory. This is because children whose parents cannot
meet a work test are denied the support needed to keep them out
of poverty. CPAG is bringing a case before the Human Rights Review
Tribunal. Read more on www.cpag.org.nz
As mentioned in our last newsletter this impacts upon GRG’s
too.
Fun, Facilitators and Fantastic
children:
“We are looking for people who have good facilitation skills,
a passion for parent education and a commitment to positive non-physical
child rearing methods to deliver our latest parent education programme”.
Says Viv Gurrey, Chief Executive of Parents Centers New Zealand
Inc.
“If you are interested, or you know of anyone who may be
interested, we would like to hear from you”.
The programme, entitled Parenting with Purpose, will focus on non
physical ways of bringing up children because all of us know, and
research supports this knowledge, that children are nurtured best
by a non physical approach to child rearing, children respond positively
to discipline that teaches values, and they respond to clearly articulated
consistent messages.
There are two education packages within the overall programme.
These are:
“Parenting with Purpose - creating a positive future for children”
“Magic Moments – communication for co operation”
The first programme looks at what sort of adult we want our child
to be and how we can get there, while the second looks at positive
communication which will encourage the “Magic Moments”
we experience with our children to increase.
“Currently the programme is in its final edit, and we are
looking for suitable people who would like to facilitate this exciting
programme” continues Viv.
Facilitators will be supporting young parents to make the right
decisions on child rearing, and supporting grandparents when they
face the challenges of raising their grand children.
Facilitators will be volunteers, although some centers may be in
a position to meet some costs. Facilitators will learn new skills
through the two day training offered facilitators, meet a set of
new people who share the wonderful experience of raising children
and grandchildren, and increase their knowledge on strategies for
raising children.
Programme information, including the facilitator application process
can be found on the Parents Centers New Zealand Inc website http://www.parentscentre.org.nz
If you would like to talk with someone, you can telephone Joan
Hay, Volunteer Services Manager (04) 2332 022 or Sheryn Elborn on
021 509 605
If you are not interested in facilitating the programme, you may
wish to attend. If so, look on Parents Centers website to get the
details of the centre near you so you can talk to them regarding
their training timetable.
“We look forward to seeing you at the programmes either as
a facilitator or as a programme participant” concludes Viv.
Please pass this information on to anyone who would be interested
in the programme. This will go Nation-wide.
***********
Skylight proudly announces…
A new New Zealand book for children impacted by any form of domestic
violence or hurt
MY STAR DADDY
By Kerry Francis, Illustrated by Crispin Korshen
A new, colourfully illustrated and simple story designed to be
used as a starting point for discussion with children who have experienced,
or witnessed, some form of domestic violence or hurt. It aims to
honour the painful stories, and at the same time give voice to the
many other stories that also belong to the relationship. It is not
intended to encourage children to only focus on happy memories,
or to insist that they ‘think positively’ about their
situation. It is the author’s hope that with careful and curious
discussion the many stories that make up a child’s relationship
can be given space to be heard and grown, and therefore not be silenced
by overwhelming, negative descriptions of people who have hurt them.
However, if a child chooses not to discuss a person who has hurt
them, and does not want to continue a relationship with them, then
it is essential that their decision be respected.
This book will be a valuable tool for children’s workers
to use with children 5 - 11 years old. A ‘star activity’
at the end invites children to remember star times they’ve
shared with someone.
Feedback from professionals supporting children through difficult
family times has been outstanding. This book will make a very valuable
contribution to the lives of children impacted by some form of domestic
violence and Skylight is honoured to be able to distribute it. (Skylight
supports children, young people and their families through times
of change, loss and grief - whatever the cause. See www.skylight.org.nz
)
About the Author
Kerry Francis is a counsellor and trainer in Nelson, New Zealand.
She has worked with children and families in a variety of contexts,
and has a passion for writing therapeutic stories to help children
understand difficult life circumstances. She believes in the power
of story telling to promote change in people’s lives, and
to support people to create and live their preferred stories.
About the Illustrator
Crispin Korshen is a freelance illustrator, and lives on the Kapiti
Coast.
This new book is only available from skylight for $16.50 plus postage.
To order this, or other skylight resources, please:
Order online at www.skylight.org.nz
or call free phone during business hours Mon - Friday 0800 299 100
or email support@skylight-trust.org.nz
or fax 04 939 4759
or write to skylight, PO Box 7309, Wellington South.
***********
Does Your Child Have Obsessive-Compulsive
Disorder?
Introduction
Worries and doubts are part of normal everyday life. However, when
these concerns affect normal functioning, it is a sign that there
might be a greater problem.
Modern psychiatry classifies Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
as one of the Anxiety disorders. Currently, 1 in 200 children and
adolescents in the United States has Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
Fortunately, there is a lot that you as a parent can do to help
your child.
Symptoms
Obsessions are persistent and recurrent impulses, thoughts, or images
that are unwanted and cause distress. These are usually irrational
and are not the normal products of daily living. Compulsions are
repetitive actions, like washing hands or hoarding things, or mental
actions, like counting or repeating words silently. As the name
implies Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is characterized by both.
Typically, the person is plagued by repetitive thoughts, images,
or impulses that are disturbing, illogical, and out of the person’s
control. In an attempt to make these obsessions go away the person
develops and performs compulsively a set of actions to relieve the
discomfort caused by the obsessions.
For example, a person who is obsessed with sickness may develop
compulsive hand washing. A person who is obsessed with fear of fire
might continually check to make sure that the stove is off. The
person gets no pleasure from doing these actions. Rather they provide
temporary relieve from his unpleasant thoughts. The person may spend
hours over the course of the day doing compulsive actions to relieve
his obsessive thoughts.
At some point, most people realize that the anxieties are only a
product of their own minds and have nothing to do with reality.
However, they are unable to control the thoughts or the behaviours.
Description
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder can start as early as preschool age.
The way OCD shows itself in a child will vary with the child’s
age. A younger child may have anxiety that harm will come to him
or a family member. He may repeatedly check to see if the doors
of his house are locked.
An older child may be afraid of germs and that his food is poisoned
or that he will get AIDS. He may constantly wash his hands or food.
The child may even know and can verbalize that it doesn’t
make sense. However, the compulsive behaviour is beyond his control.
Children with OCD frequently don't feel well physically. This may
be because of the stress their anxieties cause or it may be due
to lack of sleep or poor nutrition. These children often have stress
related disorders such as headaches or stomach upset.
Frequently, children are angry with their parents. This usually
occurs when the parents are unable to comply with their child’s
behavioural quirks. These children usually have trouble keeping
friends because of their behaviour make them stand out. These children
often suffer from poor self-esteem.
Diagnosis
To receive the classic the diagnosis of OCD a person must have obsession
and/or compulsions that cause the person anxiety or distress and
cannot be attributed to another cause, such as substance abuse.
The obsessions or compulsions cause a lot of distress and interfere
with normal living.
The diagnosis usually goes unrecognized for a very long time. Studies
show that most people don’t receive the diagnosis of OCD until
9 years after the symptoms first appear. It may take an additional
8 years before they receive adequate treatment. The reason for this
is two fold. Most patients are embarrassed by their condition, so
they avoid telling anybody. Secondly, many doctors are not familiar
with the condition, so that they are not quick to recognize it nor
do they know how to treat it.
Causes
The current research indicates that OCD is a neurologically based
brain disorder. Studies show that there seems to be a communication
problem between the frontal lobes of the brain and the brain’s
deeper structures. These areas of the brain use the neurotransmitter,
serotonin to communicate. People with OCD have lower levels of serotonin
in these areas of the brain. Drugs that increase the brain serotonin
levels also improve OCD.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder has also been linked to strep infections.
Recently, a study was done giving OCD patients anti-strep antibodies.
Patients showed a significant improvement in their OCD symptoms.
Related Disorders
Children with OCD commonly have other psychiatric problems. Below
is a list of psychiatric conditions that frequently occur along
with OCD:
? Other anxiety disorders ? Depression
? ADHD ? ODD
? Learning disorders ? Hair pulling
Treatment
Most children with OCD can be treated effectively with a combination
of psychotherapy and certain medications, particularly serotonin
reuptake inhibitors. Family support and education are also central
to the success of treatment. Antibiotic therapy may be useful in
cases where OCD is linked to streptococcal infection.
Psychotherapy
Cognitive behavioural psychotherapy is the psychotherapeutic treatment
of choice for children, adolescents, and adults with OCD. This method
helps the patient internalize a strategy for resisting OCD and has
lifelong benefit. This therapy focuses on changing the person’s
thoughts and feelings by first changing his behaviour.
This form of therapy has only moderate success. 25% of patients
are unable to finish the course of the program. Of those that do
finish, between half and three quarters report some degree of benefit
after three to five months. These benefits last after the therapy
has stopped.
Therapy usually is administered on a weekly basis for at least two
months. There is an intensive form of therapy in which the person
works with the therapist in 2-3 hour periods three times a week.
If the person chooses the faster approach, he can complete treatment
in three weeks.
Medication
The serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SRIs) are uniquely effective
treatments for OCD. These medications increase the concentration
of serotonin, a chemical messenger in the brain. Five SRIs are currently
available by prescription in the United States:
? Clomipramine (Anafranil) ? Fluoxetine (Prozac) ? Fluvoxamine (Luvox)
? Paroxetine (Paxil) ? Sertraline (Zoloft)
? Citalopram (Celexa)
Most people notice some benefit after 3 to 4 weeks. It takes 8-10
weeks before these medications take full effect, but most people
say they are significantly better. 20% of people don’t do
well on their first medication and are forced to try a different
SRI.
SRI Side Effects
The most common side effects are:
? Nervousness ? Insomnia ? Restlessness
? Nausea ? Diarrhea
Clomipramine has a broader action than the other drugs and carries
with it additional side effects including:
? Dry mouth ? Sedation ? Dizziness
? Weight gain ? Blood pressure problems ? Irregular heart beats
Medications control symptoms, but they do not cure the disorder.
When a child stops taking medication, the symptoms usually return.
For this reason, the current recommendation is to use cognitive
behavioural therapy in conjunction with medication.
No two children respond to anti-OCD medication in exactly the same
way. Some children don’t respond to any medication. Side effects
also vary from person to person. For this reason, your child may
need to try more than one medication. Although we still don’t
know for certain, no one has identified any long-term problems from
taking these medications.
Newer Treatments
Recent studies have linked certain cases of OCD with the presence
of anti-strep antibodies. In a study performed at the National Institute
of Mental Health, a number of children with OCD and who tested positive
for strep were given a treatment to remove circulating anti-strep
antibodies. Within a few weeks some of the children’s symptoms
lessen and in a few cases they disappeared completely.
Treating for circulating strep anti-bodies is still considered experimental.
However, this new treatment might soon be changing the way we treat
some people with OCD.
Conclusion: What You as a Parent Can Do
1. If your child has Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, the most important
thing you can do to help your child is to learn as much as you can
about the condition.
2. Children and adolescents often feel shame and embarrassment about
their OCD. Many fear it means they're crazy. Good communication
between parents and children can increase understanding of the problem
and help the parents appropriately support their child.
3. Family problems do not cause OCD, but the way the family deals
with the symptoms can affect the child. If your family is having
difficulty dealing with a member who has OCD, you should try to
consult a Family Therapist for direction.
4. Try to be as kind your child as possible. This is the best way
to reduce the symptoms of OCD. It will not work to command your
child to stop the behaviour. Your child is unable to stop and he
will only feel even greater distress if he is reprimanded or forced
to stop his rituals. Remember, as much as your child’s behaviour
bothers you, he is suffering even more.
5. You have to be your child’s advocate in school. You must
make sure that the child’s teacher and the school administrators
understand the disorder.
6. Use support groups. Sharing common problems with other parents
is an excellent way to help you feel that you are not alone and
is great support. You also might gain so practical insights about
what you can do to deal with the daily problems that come up.
7. Make time for yourself and your own life. You must not let yourself
be trapped by your child’s rituals. You child does not need
a martyr as a parent.
Anthony Kane, MD
***********
IT’S NOT EASY BEING ME
You make me sick, I said
Can't you get it through your thick head
What you did to me, I suffer dearly
I can't get it out of my head, it happens yearly
I go on my highs I go on my lows
But no one knows
When it can happen
It can happen in a snap and over time
And as I sit here and write my rhyme
I sit here, with my feelings
If they were objects, they would be piled to the ceiling
I just wish you were changed
But your so different and deranged
I need you to hear me and hear me loud
I am not proud of what you've done
Or what I've become
You need to listen to me
You need to see through my eyes
That I see it’s not that easy being me
I wished you'd understand
But you never will and never would
You should realize what you did
See how you treated me as a kid
I am not the same
I never will be, as you can see
It’s not easy being me
Mariana Walton aged 15 won Third prize at her school with this poem,
she lives with her Aunt.
***********
Grandma’s Hands: The Fine
Art of Aging Gracefully
When I was a kid I used to look at my grandmother’s hands
with curious fascination. They seemed so timeless, so capable, so…old.
They were so different from my own youthful hands. People would
often tell me that I had piano fingers – long and slender,
agile and eager. I knew they held great promise, designed solely
for performing remarkable feats of delicate dexterity. Perhaps they
would one day pen a best selling novel or dance across the keys
on the stage at Carnegie Hall. They had aspirations of greatness.
They were so nimble, so ambitious, so…I.
Through the hazy lens of my youth, my grandmother’s hands
appeared like tools – claw-like instruments designed for grasping
or scraping. They were a continuous blur of activity, busily baking,
folding, scrubbing, scolding. They were capable of commanding instant
respect, springing us to attention with the swift snap of a twig
from the front bush; her fingers perfectly proportioned for wagging
in our small, mischievous faces. But they had healing qualities
as well, deftly wiping tears and noses, and skilfully splinting
the impromptu broken bone. They were standard-issue, no frills,
all-purpose tools of her trade. My hands, on the contrary, would
be preserved for slipping into smart leather gloves. I would ensure
that they would not suffer the same punishment as hers.
My grandmother would often lift her hands from a bucket of soapy
water and proclaim proudly, “It’s the detergent that
makes my nails so strong.” She would drum her incredible,
talon-like nails on the countertop to punctuate the point. Those
long nails made her hands bird-like, years of toil thinning the
skin, the veins and bones protruding like a network of tree roots.
I envied those nails but thought it a pity to be imprisoned at the
ends of such unceremonious hands. Nails like that should have a
more fitting showcase.
Through the years, these hands remained steady and strong, unwavering
in purpose. They shucked corn, ironed uniforms, clipped coupons,
applied bandages and fastened more than their share of fugitive
buttons. When I turned twenty-one, these hands helped me select
an assortment of mismatched dishes from the cupboards, wrapped and
unwrapped the newspaper around them and lovingly placed them on
the barren shelves of a dingy Boston studio apartment. And when
it was time, the same hands that had held on for so long, performed
their most remarkable feat – they pulled the door closed on
that tiny apartment and let go.
I returned home years later and my grandmother reached out to embrace
me. Those familiar hands extended like a pair of old friends. Through
the sharpening focus of experience, I saw them for the first time
in a very different light. They seemed less like objects and more
like living memorials of the lives they had shaped. The folds and
creases that once detracted from their beauty now stood out like
silent souvenirs of a life’s journey. Their voice, once mute,
now spoke to me in volumes.
The erosion of those once beautiful hands told a touching story.
These could only be the hands of a woman who had endured the opposing
forces of holding on and letting go, who had cheated the cruel pinch
of poverty, who had braved seasons of uncertainty, tearing down,
building and rebuilding anew. These were hands which had been wrung
too many sleepless hours in nervous wait for the faint sound of
a car on a gravel drive. These were hands which had swaddled two
generations of babies with no glory, hands that had buried a husband
and a mother, and hands that had mastered the fine art of squeezing
a penny until it begged for mercy. These were proud hands which
could clasp one another loosely at day’s end knowing they
had done an honourable day’s work. My hands had not yet known
this sense of purpose.
One day not long ago I looked down and I saw something startling.
There they were, perched prominently at the ends of my arms, plain
as day – my grandmother’s hands. I don’t know
how they got there. I don’t know when they arrived. Somewhere,
somehow in the midst of the hustle and bustle of family and career,
they had come without ceremony to take the place of my own. My supple
piano fingers had been quietly replaced with the weathered and worn,
standard-issue, all-purpose, no-nonsense instruments of experience.
Instead of sadness, though, I felt a smug sense of accomplishment,
like I had achieved some indefinable goal, some unwritten rite of
passage. I had finally arrived.
I expect that one day my tow-headed toddler and his baby sister
will furrow their brows at my hands with the same inquisitiveness
and complacency I once felt. Some day, too, I hope they will learn
to read the ridges and contours of my hands like the relief map
of my life, its story continuously unfolding. Scattered amongst
their hills and valleys my hands will display for them the battle
scars of a true survivor, a stubborn soldier unafraid to fight the
odds to win. Maybe they will marvel at these fingers as they now
dance fluidly across a keyboard as if it were the elegant baby grand
they once longed to play. And between the clasp of those hands they
will feel the distant memories of both the helplessness of holding
an inconsolable child and the lingering joy of skipping across a
picture book to light on the tip of a pudgy nose. These are hands
that will never tire from their task of pressing themselves tightly
together in silent prayer for the continued safety of these children.
I look now with amazement at my children’s hands, so small,
so awkward, so….perfect. In their smooth surfaces I see both
promise and disappointment, heartbreak and healing, and I see the
vast expanse of endless possibility. I see hands clutching schoolbooks,
hands mastering the monkey bars, hands waving hello, hands waving
good-bye. And I wistfully imagine hands grasped in the hand of a
stranger who will one day become a husband or a wife. I have learned
to read the unspoken language of hands. They are the architects
of history, the cornerstones of today, and the forgers of paths
ahead. They form the chain that connects generation to generation
and past to future. My grandmother’s hands undoubtedly arrived
that humbling day when another tiny, fragile hand wrapped itself
around my finger and the missing link between yesterday and tomorrow
was finally complete.
Sally Houtman, possesses degrees in English, Psychology, and Rehabilitation
Counseling. She is the author of ‘To Grandma’s House
we Stay’…originally from the USA she is now residing
in Wellington. NZ. She was raised by her grandparents.
As times goes on you will be hearing more about Sally and her book.
***********? ? ? Why dogs & cats are better than kids because:
they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train,
usually come when called, never drive your car, don't smoke or drink,
don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear
your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if
they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
Di
National Convenor and the team.
E te Atua, aroha mai..... O God shower us with love
Ka kite
