Thru my endless tears I am smiling

Cause there is something I want to say

My teenage grandson made his life decision

He left my home today

So what did he do and where did he go?

I know he won’t mind if I told you so.

But first, he was my life for 16 years

But he’s 17 now and I still go to tears

He has made a start to his life’s great journey

It was his dream to join the Army.

He’s a young man now, no longer a boy

And has looked forward to this day, a life to enjoy.

But still I ponder, my memory aglow

With body stooping and step rather slow

I remember such pleasure as I raised this wee boy

Every day was a day for us to enjoy.

I raised him well and I am SURE he will be

As brave, and as fine, as Willie Apiti.

When Grannies get lost!!!!

The Christmas holidays are so wonderful - grandchildren appearing from everywhere - Whew!!

This Granny and Papa decided to take three little boys visiting from overseas- one 4yr old and two six year olds - to the Auckland Museum to see the Gondwana presentation. Dinosaurs are the interest of the moment, so thought it would be a good way of amusing them on a wet holiday morning, before they flew home in the afternoon. Four-year old has a tendency to disappear, and knowing we had to be at the airport early in the afternoon there would be no time for searching for lost children.  Granny sat them down before leaving the house and stressed the importance of staying together, and that if one child should disappear, when found, the outing would finish. She also stressed to the four-year old that if he needed the toilet to tell her or Papa and someone would take him - no skiving off by himself!

Arriving at the show, the children were separated from their caretakers and sat down on the floor in the front (about eight rows deep) with the adults behind on chairs, an audience of about 600 or so. Several times in the show, children shrieked and ran to the adults as colossal dinosaurs swooped over their heads, roaring and snarling in the dim light. Our four year old took refuge under some other adult's chair several times as he could not reach us a few rows back. 

When the show was over, the commentator came on the stage to talk about tectonic plates, volcanoes, and earthquakes. The four year old climbed onto the stage and stood beside the commentator who ignored him. To his grandparents (and brothers) relief he got down and resumed his seat! The commentator asked the children if they knew what to do if an earthquake struck. Several hands went up and the expected answers of under tables and in doorways were given. Four-year old again ascended to the stage and this time tugged on the trouser of the museum expert. He gave in and handed him the microphone - "Yes, little boy - do you know what to do in an earthquake?""No" was his response, "But, if you lose your granny and you need to do a pooh - just------" Well, just what to do was lost in the roar from the audience and the answer from the shocked museum man is not to be printed ****!!! .

One wide-eyed innocent little boy returned to us and said he thought everyone needed to know as it was so important!

AIN'T THEY WONDERFUL??

 ~ ooooooOOOOOOOoooooo ~ return to top

Methamphetamine passed via Breast Milk.

I was horrified recently to be told by a CYF social worker that "Methamphetamine does not affect babies".  Having watched for several months a baby affected by methamphetamine through breast milk and not being able to get any help for this child (because I am just the grandmother and have no rights) I would like to make known the following from a US Medical source:

Symptoms

Medical Notes

Carol Chervenak, MD, Medical Director.

References:

1. Wilton JM. Breastfeeding and the Chemically Dependent Woman.  NAACOG's Clinical Issues.  1992;3(4):667-672.
2. AAP, Committee on Drugs.  The Transfer of Drugs and Other Chemicals Into Human Milk. Pediatrics 108(3), September, 2001.
3. Nagorka AR, Bergeson PS. Infant methamphetamine toxicity posing as scorpion envenomation.  Pediatric Emergency Care 1998; 14(5):350-51.
4. Gospe SM.  Transient Cortical Blindness in an Infant Exposed to Methamphetamine.  Annals of Emergency Medicine. September 1995;26(3):380-82
5. Green LS. People v Henderson:  The Prosecution Responds.  JAMA. January 17, 1996;275(3):183-184.
6. Stewart JL, Meeker JE.  Fetal and Infant Deaths Associated with Maternal Methamphetamine Abuse. J Anal Toxicol. October 1997;21:515-517."

Advice from the same source is that methamphetamine testing needs to be performed by someone familiar with the duration of the drug in the body (usually less than 24 hours) and which test is most appropriate.  Often drug screening tests are negative because the cut off level is too high.  The American Academy of Pediatrics has designated that methamphetamine use is contraindicated for breastfeeding mothers.

 Granny Spice would like to correlate your stories either of your experiences and observations of drug abused babies/children, or grandparents' difficulties in getting urgent help for children at risk.  Please send them to me at grannyspice@windowslive.com or write to GRG Trust PO Box 34892 Birkenhead North Shore City. Mark the outside of the envelope with “Att: Granny Spice” and we shall forward it unopened to her.

 Did you know?

You can read this newsletter on line at www.grg.org.nz and also get heaps of other information.

 Hot Tip from Parents Inc

Children sometimes pick up a bad habit of scoffing at something their little brother has done, or dismissing a great effort by a sibling as inferior.

Explain to your children that in your family you don't put each other down– you only do “put-ups”.
If someone does a put-down - the consequence is that they must do the chores that day for the sibling whom they put-down.

Talk about what a put-up is and practice some affirming statements siblings could make to each other.
“You ran so hard and came third. I think you can run fast.”

“Congratulations on getting a certificate at assembly.”

 And… Every parent has at some time over reacted and said something to their child they wish they hadn’t. These instances are an invitation to acknowledge your mistake and to say sorry.
It is not weakness for a big person to say sorry.

You will create understanding and communicate to your child – that we all get things wrong sometimes but that putting it right again is the most important thing! return to top

 Donate NZ: A great way to give and receive:  Free stuff!

As the GRG Trust is a paid member of www.donatenz.com we are able to accept on your behalf items that you may require for yourself or grandchildren/kin being a GRG member. We have a volunteer who has offered kindly to co-ordinate this for you. We give thanks to Kim Graham her email kimg@paradise.net.nz This is an online service. You go to www.donatenz.com and click on browse. From there you select (show) all and (donation types) all or something specific. Click on local for area and that should display all items in your area.

Please note: that you may not be able to search your local area for all items listed. There are known problems hindering regional searching and uploading and for this reason, we are currently in the process of upgrading the website said DonateNZ.

The way to get around it at this stage is to narrow down your search criteria, for example search by local within a category, rather than all.

This problem should be fixed by end of April meantime just check the area of offer before accepting.
Goods accepted must be for your own use and are NOT to be resold.

Canadian Grand’s/Kin not so different from NZ

More and more grandparents in Canada find themselves raising children for a second time, but this time around they are raising their grandchildren. At least 65,000 children live with their grandparents in Canada. And most of those grandparents are raising the children on a small pension, living below the poverty line.

In Hamilton, Ontario 60-year-old Beverly McIntosh's retirement is a lot different than she imagined. That's because Beverly is raising her two grandchildren, six-year-old Austin and nine-year-old Rosina, two children are both damaged by Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. They are also two children left behind by their parents.

Beverly says she doesn't even know where her son, the children's father, is. "He was in Hamilton. I haven't seen him for three years. The mother, I haven't seen for two years. The mother has major, major issues with alcohol, drugs."

The story is not unusual as most of those children being raised by grandparents are suffering from problems. It could be attention deficit disorder or fetal alcohol syndrome or learning disabilities.

And the grandparents are doing this tough job on a tight budget. Before her grandchildren came to live with her, Beverly's house was paid off and she was living a comfortable if modest existence. Now she's had to take out a line of credit to pay her monthly bills. Her line of credit is almost exhausted. Beverly wonders what the future will bring then. Will she have to sell her house, will the government be there to give her a place to live? Saving grandchildren is Betty Cornelius's life work. It began with her granddaughter -- Ashley. Aware of her own isolation, she decided to do something about it and organized a network with a special purpose. They call themselves Cangrands. CANGRANDS NATIONAL KINSHIP SUPPORT www.cangrands.com

According to Betty, the purpose is to "give support, education and empowerment to grandparents that are raising grandchildren that are raising grandchildren to kinship families... And really what it is, is a lot of hand holding a lot of listening... it's a hard job, it's a club nobody wanted to join."

But they do join... there are now almost 600 members with chapters across Canada. They are bound together by the tragic tales of grandchildren they have managed to save. But it hasn't been easy. The average grandparent raising grandchildren in Canada is living on less than $15,000 a year.

These grandparents, who fight to keep their grandchildren out of the foster care system, are saving taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars but they are receiving little or no government assistance.

They'd get more help if they were taking care of a complete stranger... foster children... but take care of your own grandchild... and they call it welfare.

"I'm a registered foster family, it's $1,700 a month on average for my foster baby but I get $226 for my grandchild. Same overnment, but different department. And so I call that discrimination. And it feels like punishment for our kinship families," explains Betty.

Now the Ontario government says it's got a solution -- a proposed new law called Bill 210 promising to pay these grandparents $900 a month.

But, in Toronto, critic Lynn Cunningham says there's a catch, "Anybody who already has custody of their child isn't eligible. The child involved has to be in care."

Ontario's welfare minister, Madeleine Meilleur, says it won't work like that. Grandparents already doing the job can apply, If the courts decide that the grandparents are the best person to look after their children then they will receive this additional amount."

Money isn't the only solution and Canadians aren't the only ones struggling with the problems of raising grandchildren. In the rough neighbourhood of the Bronx, New York, there's an oasis called Grandparents Family Apartment. It's a place of refuge... a place where grandparents and grandchildren can build a new life.

The complex is one of a kind, and its working. David Taylor is the man who came up with the idea, and built it with mostly donated money from the organization he runs called Presbyterian Senior Services. "The 50 families came to this building in June of 2005 ... most of them were living in horrific conditions. Some of them were rat infested, gangs and drug infested building," says David

"The purpose of this house is to provide affordable, safe housing for grandparents raising grandchildren and also to provide an environment that children, the grandchildren can grow from and mature and become educated and be able to sort of go into the world and do their thing successfully."

Now David Taylor is challenging governments to step up and build more. He wonders why Canadian governments couldn't do the same.

Beverly McIntosh just hopes that help comes in time. "We are in desperate need of funds to raise our grandchildren. We are saving them millions of dollars. They can give us a little bit to help."

 Question:

Sadly my partner and I have decided to separate, probably due mostly to the stress in our role as a GRG, we have 3 grandchildren with us and they will be staying with me. Does he have to support them?

Answer:

It is our understanding that your partner would not need to support the 3 grandchildren.  The parent(s) of these children should be paying Child Support to you or IRD if you are in receipt of Unsupported Child   Benefit and this will continue after you separate. Unless of course, the children have been adopted, by you both.

Question:

I am named on the Parenting Orders but my partner is not, I am wondering should I die would my partner automatically take over the children.

Answer:

Not necessarily so, the parent/s could use this opportunity to go back to Court and go for custody/parenting Orders. Therefore it would be would be wise to speak to a Family Court Lawyer about this situation. You have the opportunity to do Testimonial Guardianship in your will naming your partner, but this also could possibly be contested.

If you are unsure of anything legal you should consult a Family Court Lawyer or make an appointment with your Local Community Law Office and arrange a 20 minute free consultation for advice.

Family Court judge alarmed at drug P's impact on families

By ESTHER HARWARD - Sunday Star Times | Sunday, 24 February 2008

 Couples are increasingly citing use of the drug methamphetamine or "P" as a reason for seeking protection orders, divorce and sole custody of children.

Family Court judges have told the Sunday Star-Times that allegations of P use in such cases were prevalent and rising.

Two judges said that a quarter of current applications for protection orders under the Domestic Violence Act involved the perpetrator of violence using P.

Problem areas included New Plymouth, Wanganui, West Auckland, Hawke's Bay, Palmerston North and Wellington.

Principal Family Court judge Peter Boshier said the trend was a "huge concern". "[This] is particularly ominous because it's such a hard drug to conquer in terms of rehabilitation... Where Meth is involved it produces such volatility that [judges] don't want to put children at risk, whereas some other forms of drugs and alcohol don't necessarily have the same alarming consequences."

Out of 66,500 cases dealt with by the 45 Family Court judges last year, 4351 involved protection orders and 21,391 were applications for care of children.

Several family lawyers said they had noticed an increase in the number of P-related family break-ups over the past five years, including affluent families who seemed to "have it all". In most cases, both parents had tried P socially but one had become addicted.

In one case, an Auckland couple in their early 30s started using P recreationally at a cost of $500-$800 a week. He gave up but she got addicted, which caused arguments and led to their break-up. She took their four-year-old child and lived transiently with friends, and started a relationship with a P dealer, which became violent. The woman's neighbours and family became concerned at her dishevelled appearance and reported her to Child, Youth and Family.

In another case, an Auckland woman in her late 20s, who was separated and shared custody of her two-year-old, developed a P habit. Her ex-husband found out and sought sole custody. At the same time, staff at the child's crèche

notified CYF over the woman's appearance. She failed a drug test and lost custody of her child.

Boshier said judges usually granted protection where P use was alleged or proven in many cases grandparents stepped in to care for children.I do not want to suggest there's anything wrong with grandparents bringing up children, but as a society we have a norm of the parents..."

Many judges direct parents accused of having a P habit to take a hair follicle test, which detects the drug months after it is taken. ESR carries out an average of three hair tests a week for Child Youth and Family, most for custody cases.

Boshier said alcohol was still regarded as the number one drug in protection orders, and cannabis was also often present.

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Toddlers Rules of Possession:

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must NEVER appear to be yours in anyway.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.

A Grandmother at 28!

It has come to our attention that NZ has a Grandmother at 28. It could be possible for this grandmother to be a great, great, great grandmother by 76 or even younger. Guinness book of records?

Powerful Ways to Show Love to Children - By Steve Brunkhorst

Our children are our most important legacy to the world. However, our love is our most important legacy to our children. Here are seven ways to show love that will help children build sturdy foundations for the future.

 1. Spend Time with Your Children.

Time is the most loving gift we can give to our children. It allows for the mutual exchange of ideas, emotions, actions, and words that help our children develop and learn to communicate.

 Enjoy a toddler's tea parties as well as a teen's ball games.

Help your children build things and create art. Begin new family traditions that you can enjoy together each year. Ample time spent in mutually enjoyable activities will create memories you will always treasure.

 2. Be the Primary Role Model for Your Children.

Children need examples to follow. Teach practical values to your children by modeling those values. Admit when you have made a mistake and apologize. Model being committed to the ideals you embrace. Demonstrate the advantage of integrity over peer pressure.

 We teach and influence children more through actions than words.

We are our children's first heroes; the ideals that we live today are the ideals that will influence our children throughout life.

3. Listen to Your Children.

A child's message is one of his or her most essential gifts. We build self-esteem in children when we show interest in what they have to say. Children need to communicate their pride of accomplishment as well as their needs.

Get down at eye level with very young children and listen with your eyes, ears, and heart. Listen most of all to the feelings conveyed through a child's eyes and expressions. If you listen to your children deeply, they will grow up listening deeply to you.

 4. Provide Your Children with Loving Discipline.

Children need guidelines and safe boundaries without being constrained unnecessarily. They need to learn the value of being accountable for their choices and actions.

 Let your children know that you disapprove of hurtful actions but will always love them as sons and daughters. Loving discipline enables them to recognize the best in other people. It allows children the freedom to explore the world safely and reach their highest potential.

5. Give Your Children Encouragement.

Encouraging words are powerful emotional deposits of confidence and self-esteem. Verbally acknowledge your children's special talents and accomplishments. Catch your children doing something great, and tell them what a great job they have done.

 Children need to know that we recognize and support their hopes and dreams for the future. Encouraging children to grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually provides the foundation for living a balanced life.

 6. Share Your Experiences with Your Children.

We each have valuable stories to tell, unique maps of our journey through life. These stories tell how our reactions to events created the life we are living now. Sharing the benefit of your experiences - the roadblocks and rewards - is a very loving way to guide your children.

Your children may face many of the situations you faced. Your experiences can help them make informed decisions and avoid unnecessary mistakes. Among the most worthwhile possessions that we can someday leave for our children are journals filled with the stories that shaped our lives.

 7. Love and Support Your Children Unconditionally.

Love is an unconditional gift from the heart; it is not a reward for good behaviour. Let your children know that you will love and support them in any situation. This message creates a sturdy bond of trust. Your children will grow to feel safe in coming to you with any problem they face.

Children need the freedom to make decisions, try new things, and learn that life requires personal responsibility and persistence.

They need the freedom to fail and learn from mistakes without being judged. Unconditional love helps them to acquire the decisiveness and resiliency required to become successful.

 If you could sum up all of our children's needs, hopes, and expectations in one word, that word would be love. We share love when we play a central role in our children's world of learning and discovery. Our legacy of love will have a guiding influence upon our children and grandchildren for many generations.

 © Copyright 2005 by Steve Brunkhorst. Steve is a professional life success coach, motivational author, and the editor of Achieve! 60-Second Nuggets of Inspiration, a popular mini-zine bringing great stories, motivational nuggets, and inspiring thoughts to help you achieve more in your career and personal life.

 Di

National Convenor and the team.

E te Atua, aroha mai..... O God shower us with love