To Grandma’s House we…
Stay:
J R McKenzie Trust have kindly sponsored the purchase of this book
and we have 600 copies available FREE of charge to send to you.
Written by Sally Houtman: who possesses degrees in English, Psychology,
and Rehabilitation Counseling. This is a practical and hands on
approach with many different strategies, very useful when one finds
oneself raising grandchildren or kin children who have been psychologically
damaged. We need to think outside the square and Sally has given
us the tools to do so in this book.
If you would like a copy of this book posted to you please either
email or write with your name, address and new postal code to us.
We ask that when you have finished this please pass on to another
carer or your local Library.
Advance Warning:
Start saving and make plans now, save those air points! A GRG conference
is being planned for April 2008 in Melbourne Australia by our sister
organisation. We at the GRG Trust are already putting in place workshops
and speakers to attend this, and we would love to see you there.
More on this as it comes to hand.
Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short
on criticism and long on love.
~Author Unknown
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Young Peoples Reference Group: Commissioner for Children’s
Office.
Good to see in the latest edition of ‘Children’ from
Office of Com for Children a photo of one of our children being
raised by his grandmother ‘Conor Young’ from West Auckland.
We look forward to hearing how this goes Conor.
Teenagers:
I have been looking after my grandson since he was 2, he is now
17 plus. My daughter, his aunt, lives with us now and what a problem
that is. She has never had children, not even to look after for
any length of time and is therefore very intolerant of his teenage
ways. Strangely, I can remember when she was a teenager. She may
not have had the same irritating ways, such as wet towels on the
floor, coffee cups everywhere but in the sink, and so on, but she
was a problem to get through teen years as well. She wouldn't go
out unless she had some new item of clothing on. Is it the memory
that fades in the 40's and not the 60's as some think? I find it
interesting to look back and realise that teenage problems are still
there but the different generations have different emphases. Grandparents
should definitely bring up their grandchildren; they get on better
with us than with their parents. Dawn
Tyler’s Renting out
Grand-dad:
Tyler is 12 and has lived with his grandparents since he was 3,
sadly his grandmother Judy passed away early this year. Tyler lives
with grand-dad Cyril Anderson, our GRG Co for Rotorua. Tyler has
a chance to visit Taiwan in December along with 25 other school
children. He came up with an innovative way to raise money: Rent
out Grand-dad.
Cyril has decided to help his young charge out and has agreed to
do 30 hours extra work to help raise the $3000 needed. Not only
is he the caregiver but also working part time himself, he, is now
looking for more work. If you can help or would like to support
Cyril in his rent ability then please ph 07 347 8163… Go Cyril!
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Thank you GRG Trust:
I just want to say a great big thank you to GRG and all the members.
Your website and stories has been such a big inspiration to us
and the kinship brochure was instrumental in us applying for (and
getting) a parenting order for our 6mth old Grandson. 3 months down
the track he has gone from no routine, undernourished, regularly
hospitalised for pneumonia and bronchialitis (twice before he was
8 weeks), transient living to a well adjusted wee man who after
2 days in our care was sleeping thru 12-13 hours per night. He is
eating well and learning to crawl (although this is a little hard
as he was born with club feet and has to wear specially braced shoes
all the time) learning to blow raspberries, say "Bub Bub Bub"
and clap his hands.
At first we were skeptical about taking on a baby - but we knew
if we didn’t - its likely he would end up a very sick little
boy or worse. Realising that we weren’t the only people out
there doing this and reading their stories, their advice, was a
huge help - it freed us to allow us to concentrate and be happy
about raising this little man and helping to forge his future in
a positive way.
I have gushed a bit I’m sorry but really, really THANK YOU!!!
Katrina
Information for Caregivers living
in Auckland: City Lights Project days are now a monthly on-going
experience and they need more projects to do.
Any caregiver (foster parents, grandparent carers, guardianship
carers, emergency and respite carers) that would like some help
with cleaning or do-it-yourself jobs around their home are invited
to get back to me with details.
A small list of some of the DIY jobs that have already been done
in caregiver’s homes are as follows:
- Small fence erected
- Garden put in
- Holes in the wall have been filled in
- Rooms painted
- Ceilings stripped and painted
- Bottles/rubbish removed
- Lawns mowed
- Trees pulled out.....
This wonderful team of helpers are prepared to help out in the
following main Auckland region:
Possibly - as far south as Papakura: East through Clendon: Mangere
Bridge: Titirangi: Henderson: North West to Kumeu: up North to Orewa:
all down along the East Coast and back down to Botany Downs.
So please...
Get back to me with your name, contact phone number or other contact
details, address where project is to be completed and details of
what is required!!
If too many jobs come in for the upcoming month, then they will
be delegated to another month.
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Allysa Carberry South Auckland Caregivers Association
Ph/fax 09 2670319
For those of you who have kin children under Child Youth &
Family Protection Orders:
Questions have been asked about payments and Policies, if you do
not have access to a computer please ask your social worker for
a 2007 Caregiver Manual:
Web site: www.cyf.govt.nz
- Look to your right for orange box click on caregiver. Then look
to your left for yellow box 2nd down is Caregiver manual April 2007.
It takes a while to download but what you need is in section pages
5-12.
Birthday money is ½ of the standard board payment. It is
advantageous for this document to be read entirely even if you have
‘Parenting Orders’ it contains useful information. Source
dated April 2007.
Tooth Loan. Source: Grey Power Magazine (abridged)
I wonder how many of your reader realise they may be eligible for
a $300 non-repayable loan for dental treatment per year from Work
& Income. (I think it is means tested – I had to take
along a bank statement)
Phone 0800 559 009.
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1.5 Million Thomas &
Friends Toys recalled...
1.5 million 'Thomas & Friends' toys have been recalled due to
lead paint used on some wooden toys manufactured in China
By NBC News
The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission announced a voluntary
recall of various "Thomas & Friends" wooden railway
toys.
The recall involves wooden vehicles, buildings and other train set
components for young children listed in the chart below. The front
of the packaging has the logo "Thomas & Friends Wooden
Railway" on the upper left-hand corner. A manufacturing code
may be located on the bottom of the product or inside the battery
cover. Toys marked with codes containing "WJ" or "AZ"
are not included in this recall.
Recalled Product Names
Red Holiday Caboose
Brown & Yellow Old Slow Coach
Red "Sodor Mail" Car
Red Fire Brigade Train
Red Sodor Line Caboose
Red Skarloey Engine
Red Musical Caboose
Deluxe Sodor Fire Station
Red Coal Car
Yellow Box Car
Red Stop Sign
Yellow Railroad Crossing Sign
Smelting Yard Ice Cream Factory
Red Fire Brigade Truck
Yellow "Sodor Cargo Company" Cargo Piece
Red James Engine & Red James' # 5 Coal Tender
Red Hook & Ladder Truck & Red Water Tanker Truck
Red Lights & Sounds James Engine & Red James' #5 Lights
& Sounds Coal Tender
James with Team Colors Engine & James with Team Colors #5 Coal
Tender
Red Coal Car labeled "2006 Day Out With Thomas" on the
Side Red Baggage Car
Sold at: Toy stores and various retailers nationwide from January
2005 through June 2007 for between $10 and $70.
Manufactured In: China
Remedy: Consumers should take the recalled toys away from young
children immediately and return then to the retailer.
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From USA:
Children of parents debilitated by methamphetamine addiction often
end up living with their grandparents, who must put off retirement
just when they thought their child-raising years were over, the
Chicago Tribune reported January 10.
Tennessee residents Delta Cottrell, 56, and her husband, Paul,
57, are caring for their 7- and 11-year-old grandchildren because
Delta's addicted stepdaughter lost custody of the kids. "When
this happens, your whole life is imposed upon, but it is by choice
because there is no other way," said Paul. "I would not
take anything for my children, but our new lifestyle means there
is no time for me, and more of my hard-earned money is going toward
things I had not planned for."
Often, "grand families" are seen as the only alternative
to foster care and child-welfare systems that are staggering under
the impact of Meth addiction and other problems. The 2000 census
showed the 4.5 million U.S. children lived with their grandparents,
up 30 percent from 1990, and another 1.5 million live with other
relatives.
In states like Montana, Iowa, and Oregon, the majority of foster-care
placements are due to Meth. "Because of Meth and other problems,
grandparents have become lifelines for so many hurt children,"
said Donna Butts, executive director of Generations United, an advocacy
group for grandparents.
The trend has prompted advocates to ask Congress to provide more
support to grandparents who are raising their grandchildren, as
well as asking states to give grandparents the same rights as foster
parents and ease licensing laws.
"In the foster care system, there are restraints on how many
bathrooms you can have. You have to go through parenting classes,
and there is oversight," Butts said. "Under current rules,
a grandparent would have to ask the court if the child can travel
outside the state or spend the night with friends. These rules are
outdated."
Grandparents also have to deal with the health problems often suffered
by children from homes used as Meth labs. Illinois has established
a "subsidized guardianship" program that gives grandparents
financial assistance as well as the same rights as foster parents
in raising their grandchildren.
NZ has similar problems but discrimination with Foster Care still
continues here.
Kapiti Coast Region:
A grandparent raising has phoned and asked could a GRG support group
be set up in her area. If anyone from this area is keen to do this
could you please contact Di at the Trust Office?
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The importance of Nursery
Rhymes:
On a visit to New York recently for the International Summit, for
Grandparents who are Raising their grandchildren, I was sitting
outside waiting for my husband to bring some coffees, when a small
boy and his daddy came along. The little boy was climbing on a structure,
and singing a well known nursery rhyme.
"Do you know the Muffin Man, he lives in Drury Lane?"
I can never resist chatting to children so I turned and asked him
"Do you know the Muffin Man?"
"Yes" he replied, and "Do you know where Drury Lane
is?" I asked.
"No" he replied.
"Well Drury Lane is in London, in England, the country where
I come from" I told him. His mouth fell open and his eyes widened.
"WOW" he said.
After a couple of minutes chatting with his daddy about the importance
of Nursery Rhymes, it was time for Josh to return to school.
"Say goodbye to the lady from England Josh" his daddy
prompted.
"Goodbye" he called, and as they walked away I heard him
say "WOW Dad wait till I tell mom that I met Mrs. Muffin Lady
".
How sweet the innocence of children it made my day.
Chris Leaves- The Second Generation Support Group - Peterborough
- England.
Grandmother, always made you feel she had been waiting to see just
you all day and now the day was complete. ~ Marcy DeMaree
Supporting Families in Mental Illness: SF
Support, Education, Information & Advocacy free phone 0800 732825
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Good Question:
I have been raising my grandchild and step grandchild for the past
2 years. (2yrs and 6yrs) I am very fortunate I can still work, but
find that the stresses of normal day to day is very demanding and
it has been a battle to keep my health stable.
Although I get assistance through Work & Income for unsupported
child support they don't assist in day care because my husband and
I earn a decent salary, but have to work very hard and long hours
for it - All our spare money goes to the children and find there
is no planning towards our pension day cause we pay between $840
- $1000 a month on day care. Now take that off my earnings then
I will qualify but that does not get considered. And the best thing
of all we did not have much of a choice - you have to just climb
in and support the children when you can clearly see there lives
are in danger. We just like other grandparents did not go out to
look for the extra burden and yet we are supporting the Govt. I
have been raising my grandchild and step grandchild for the past
2 years. (2yrs and 6yrs) I am very fortunate I can still work, but
find that the stresses of normal day to day is very demanding and
it has been a battle to keep my health stable.
Although I get assistance through Work & Income for unsupported
child support they don't assist in day care because my husband and
I earn a decent salary, but have to work very hard and long hours
for it - All our spare money goes to the children and find there
is no planning towards our pension day cause we pay between $840
- $1000 a month on day care. Now take that off my earnings then
I will qualify but that does not get considered. And the best thing
of all we did not have much of a choice - you have to just climb
in and support the children when you can clearly see there lives
are in danger. We just like other grandparents did not go out to
look for the extra burden and yet we are supporting the govt. by
taking care of these children - but is the govt. supporting us sufficiently
like we support them? Although I feel robbed by my life and hard
earnings I still cannot find it in my hart to disappoint the little
ones. We are the only family that can give them a healthy up bringing
- they have the right to have a normal life just like any other
child as they did not choose to be in this situation.
Then there is all the legal fees - we just have to keep paying.
I have cut my leaving costs down to a minimum and cannot even afford
to buy new clothes or go away a weekend. Then it is the parents
that give me up hill and mental abuse and I continuously have a
fear for them.
Is there any light in the tunnel and support for grandparents that
work too after all they are not our own children and should not
influence our own income - Who is going to take care of us, when
we cannot work anymore?
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Following on from International Summit: ‘International
Alliance of Relative Caregivers of Children’
Hosted by: National Committee of Grandparents for Children's Rights
(NCGCR)
The following proposals are being submitted:
This meeting with the directors of the Aging Program is a direct
result of the International Grandparent Caregiver Summit that was
held on May 6th – 8th. The International and national speakers
at the summit made one thing very clear and that is although kinship
care providers exist in every nation (each one with a unique culture)
our issues are very similar. A meeting will be the beginning of
a dialogue to ensure that our concerns are acknowledged and our
issues part of the United Nations Agenda.
Issues include:
1) Recognition of grandparents and relative caregivers by the United
Nations
2) Recognition of the new International Alliance of Relative Caregivers
of Children
3) Recognition that most children in kinship care are not in foster
care and that this alternative child welfare system needs supports
similar to the formal foster care system.
4) Focus on the best interests of children in judicial proceedings
where kinship caregivers seek to continue caring for children or
where they seek placement when children are in state care. Evaluation
of governmental treatment of kin to identify legal systems that
support kin and offer judicial deference.
5) Establish and support policies that address financial issues
that affect the ability of kin caregivers to care for children.
6) Discuss the feasibility of providing grandparent housing in nations/locations
with the highest number of kinship caregivers.
7) Discuss a second international conference for experts in kinship
care to develop papers and resolutions.
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The History of 'APRONS'
I don't think our kids know what an apron is.
The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath,
but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans
from the oven.
It was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was
even used for cleaning out dirty ears.
From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy
chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming
oven.
When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy
kids.
And when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her arms.
Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the
hot wood stove.
Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.
From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas
had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.
In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen
from the trees.
When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how
much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.
When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved
her apron, and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields
to dinner.
It will be a long time before someone invents something that will
replace that "old-time apron" that served so many purposes.
Remember:
Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill
to cool
Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.
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Consistency.: By Dr
Noel Swanson
If there is one word that is consistently heard about parenting,
it is the need for consistency: consistency in what you say and
do, and consistency between parents.
Indeed, if you fail I this, you give ample opportunity to your
children to manipulate you and play one parent off another.
But how on earth do you achieve that? And what if the other parent
has no interest in improving his/her parenting style?
Maybe these pointers will help:
o First off, the key to both staying calm and maintaining consistency
is to have a plan. Decide IN ADVANCE how you plan to deal with particular
situations.
o Having done that, when you find yourself in that situation you
will be able to calmly do what you had pre-planned.
o Without that, you will find yourself put on the spot and, not
having a plan, you will simply react with the first idea that comes
to mind (which often involves a lot of yelling and threatening!)
And next time you will probably react differently.
o Decide also which battles are worth fighting - and chill out about
the others. The rule here is that if you have a rule you MUST enforce
it - every time without fail. If you are not prepared to do that,
then clearly the rule is not that important, in which case you should
drop it.
o For example - putting their feet on the sofa. Allowed, or not
allowed? It is your choice - but whichever way you decide, stick
with it. Don't tell them to get their feet off one day, and then
allow it the next.
o If you think through all the conflicts that give you the greatest
stress, you will probably find that many of them are in these grey
areas. You can't keep sitting on the fence. Once you decide which
way you way to jump, you will find that much of that stress goes
away.
o But what if you have a plan, but your partner keeps undermining
it?
o No easy answers, of course, since this goes to the core of your
relationship as a couple. Are you able to discuss the children calmly
and rationally, or are they pawns in some kind of power struggle
between you?
o You don't even have to agree on everything - as long as you agree
to disagree. But even when you disagree, you DO have to back each
other up in front of the children. If your partner has said NO you
must say NO too; and then discuss it between you privately. If you
say NO, you would hope that (s)he would also back you up.
o Otherwise the kids will simply go from one parent to the next
looking for the answer they want.
o So, once again, the key to consistency between parents is the
same as being consistent yourself - plan ahead. Spend time discussing
your rules and expectations so that you can come up with a coherent
plan. One way to do this is to read a parenting book together and
then discuss it.
o But if you simply cannot agree on even fundamental ways of handling
situations, what then?
o You can only be true to yourself. The same for your partner.
o This may result in some very different parenting styles - one
being permissive the other being authoritarian. The children are
not stupid. They will quickly work this out, and will know what
they can get away with and with whom.
o The wider the gap between you, the more problems this will cause
in daily life. Often this results in one parent struggling with
the child's behaviour, while the other seems to have no problems!
In that case, the most logical thing to do is for the parent who
is struggling to see what he or she can learn from the other's style
(and, yes, usually it will be that they are more consistent!)
Ultimately it can get so bad that one parent completely destroys
any authority or credibility that the other parent might have. If
that is happening to you, it is time for some serious thinking (and
decisive action) about what is happening in your relationship and
what you are going to do about it. If you don't then your children
will learn to disrespect all types of authority, and you will gradually
loose all respect for yourself too.
Remember, if you always do what you have always done, you will always
get what you have always got... if you want something to change,
YOU will have to do something about it.
Trivia:
Did you know that in 1540 Henry the 8th married his 5th wife Katherine
Howard and she was raised by her grandparents, because her parents
were way-ward. Who says what we do now days is relatively new!
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Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
™ Trust NZ AGM Report 2007:
National Convenor’s Report by Diane Vivian
The GRG data base has increased nationwide, now standing at 3401
which equates to 350 new members joining this year and the Trust
office handled 2643 calls, an increase of 289 calls telephone calls
from last year not to mention the huge amount of emails.
The ‘National Training’ days in Auckland in March 2007,
were excellent and rewarding days for all who attended. Many thanks
to: COGS for funding this.
We wish to acknowledge in particular the financial support given
to the Trust by the
ASB Trust, Child Youth & Family Services and Lotteries Commission.
Your generosity has enabled us to continue with our increasing workload.
Thank you also to the many others who have contributed to our funding.
We also wish to acknowledge the Methodist and Presbyterian Women’s
Fellowship for selecting GRG Trust as its National Fundraiser for
last year. January saw as many as possible GRG charges off to a
wonderful summer holiday/school camps and enabled their Grandparents
to have a well deserved break from all over the country.
Our constant discussions for parity with Foster Care saw an increase
in the Unsupported Child Benefit but sadly this did not bring us
parity.
It is very pleasing to see different organisations getting behind
us and supporting us with our work in getting fair and equal payments
for grandparents who raise their grandchildren full time. To Grey
Power, National Council of Women, Age Concern, and Child Action
Poverty Group – we thank you sincerely.
It is very pleasing that we have secured funding to employ a part
time Field Officer, interviews for this position are taking place
now. This person will be working in the wider Auckland to Northland
region and will empower the support group co-ordinators and their
members.
This year we celebrated 8 years of existence, I will take the time
here to mention again that we still are a totally voluntary organisation.
Our Newsletter:
This year has seen the newsletter sponsored by Sentinel which has
benefits for both organisations. We are very happy with this.
GRG Support Groups:
This year has seen some changes in Co-ordinators but fortunately
others have stepped in to take over. Three new areas had groups
start up. We thank them all for their time and commitment.
Fellow Trustees:
Thank you for your time and for what you do for the Trust. The vision
of GRG is definitely becoming a reality.
I would like to take the time to acknowledge our voluntary Co-ordinators
who give of their time to help the many kin carers and Grandparents
via their support groups.
To BPS, we thank you and your staff for the professionalism you
have given us.
I am extremely proud, as I am sure you all are, in what we have
accomplished and what is yet to come.
Di
National Convenor and the team.
E te Atua, aroha mai….. O God shower us with love
Please feel free to send this report on to others whom you think
may be interested:
* Please pass this on to other grandparents/kin carers you know
of.
* Views expressed in this newsletter may not be the views of the
GRG Trust.
* GRG Trust Head Office hours are 9am-3pm daily. (We raise grandchildren
too)
* All donations to the GRG Trust are tax deductable.
* We are totally a voluntary organisation.
Abbreviations:
• GRG – Grandparents Raising Grandchildren ™
• H/O – Head Office
• H/B – Handbook
• BOT – Board of Trustees
• CYF – Child Youth & Family Services • Co’s
– Co-ordinator/s
• UCB – Unsupported Child Benefit.
• WINZ – Work & Income NZ now DWI – Department
of Work & Income
• Grands – Grandparents
• G/c – grandchild/ren
Web: www.grg.org.nz or www.kin.org.nz or www.raisinggrandchildren.org.nz
Email: office@grg.org.nz
Free Phone: 0800 GRANDS or 0800 472637 (not for use for Auckland
callers)
Tel: 09 4806530
Fax: 09 4806572
Postal Address: PO Box 34 892 Birkenhead, Auckland, 0626.
If you no longer wish to receive this newsletter please contact
the Trust Office as this is where the total mail out membership
is kept. Moved home or planning to? Be sure to let us know.
Te Tautoko i nga Mätua Tupuna, me nga Mokopuna.
Te Ao mai rano, aianei, a muri ake nei.
Supporting: Grandparents and grandchildren.
Our past: present and future.
We are a Charitable Trust
