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ph: (09)480-6530
9:00am - 3:00pm
fax: (09)480-6572
email: office@grg.org.nz
Trust Head Office:
PO Box 34-892
Birkenhead,
Auckland
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren ™ Charitable Trust 2005
| SUBJECT: National
Office. NZ. Report June 2005
Greetings and Kia Ora you amazing people. Membership: 2958 (families) Our 0800 number: This can no longer be accessed via a mobile phone. The kids and their cell phones have been active again with their idiotic abusive calls. Apologies to all grand’s, who may have used this number via their cell phones. We simply can not sustain the cost involved with these silly calls, not to mention the waste of time for me. Respite Care Auckland region Masada Respite Quality Care A four bed setting in a luxury family home in Bucklands Beach provides an introduction to supported and independent living. We offer a caring, nurturing family environment – “a home away from home” where young children, teens and adults are able to utilise these service weekdays, weekends and also in emergency situations: Permanent and term placements will also be considered. Partaking in recreational activities which include movies, games, tenpin bowling, sailing, beach walks etc clients are encouraged to partake in family activities e.g. table setting, cooking baking etc and enjoyment in a happy and secure environment. Focusing on social interaction, life skills and communication skills, young people come together establishing friendships and enjoy the fruits of fun whilst affording parents the much needed break. We do accept carer support funding. Booking is essential. For more information contact: Norma-Jean Vickers, Phone: 09 576 5229 Fax: 09 537 1822 Mobile: 0274 642 683 E-mail: Masada.c@xtra.co.nz Or visit Masada’s website: www.masada.org.nz Red Alert: Emergency Benefit For goodness sakes! Do they not realise how tired one gets in raising children at our age! Do they not realise that the children we care for have been through some very rough times and need us to be at home for them for their security! Adopt the child, good grief, do they not realise to adopt a child you need the ‘parents’ permission to do this, which will plunge all concerned back into drama and stress, not to mention the safety issues! At our age…well how hard is it to get a job when you are over 50! For what we are doing for these children concerned we do not need this added stress. So if you get this sort of letter take it to a Benefit Advocate, your local MP. This is madness! We have since heard from other grandparents that they are getting the same letter. Gisborne it appears is a bit of a hot spot for this. We have also heard that this is a standard letter they send out. Footnote to this - Grand concerned went along to the meeting and WINZ agreed she could not go out to work. Where is the common sense in all of this unnecessary stress? Need help and don’t know where to turn GRG Trust or your local GRG Support Group can help in so many ways with issues you face, but we do not believe in re-inventing the wheel. So therefore we work and network with many other agencies. In this newsletter we are focusing on the Salvation Army and what they do nationwide. The services listed here, may or may not be available in your local Salvation Army office, but do give them a call or pop in to see what they have to offer. The Salvation Army is listed in your telephone book. · Counselling services: Donation Grandfathers In our last newsletter I asked to hear from some Grandfathers, we certainly did not expect the call we got. What a sorry state of affairs when a Grandfather whom was in hospital at the time had to ring for support in their custody issues. To this particular Grandfather we sincerely hope you are at home and fully recovered and coping in the amazing job you and your wife are doing for your Grandchildren that live with you. Music for soothing the agitated child Available from the Warehouse these tapes are $4.95. Jeff Clarkson (Sounds) & (Butterflies). Also Yanni works for both adults and children, Yanni (Live at the Acropolis). Also Strauss works well. If your youngster is shouting and yelling at you, try whispering in your answers back, they have to quieten down to listen to you. Keep this up until peace reins. Obsessional Conduct Disorder Our Grand-daughter has OCD and at different times it rages usually involving cleanliness. One day it may be teeth and tongue and bad breath. So we will have her cleaning her teeth over and over again. Another day may be germs everywhere. At different times she refuses to help with the dishes because someone has touched or used them. Her clothing will at times be thrown out just because they do not smell right. Vacuuming in her school bag is not uncommon and usually 5 minutes before school. Along with this, comes the frustration, anger and over reacting. Other times she will clean and scrub the home like there is no tomorrow. This I do not mind as it saves me work. We always have to find the bright side in this child’s torment. But it can be very weary for us as caregivers, not to mention the expense because once she decides that there is something wrong with her clothing out is goes and she blankly refuses to wear it again. Thank goodness for op shops, but they can not be given to her until they have been washed with a double dose of soap powder, as the first thing she does is smell them. If they smell strongly of soap powder then all is well, till the next time. Thus far she has been diagnosed with Paranoia- Post Traumatic Stress- Obsessional Conduct Disorder- Oppositional Deficit Disorder. “And I’m a teapot”, says grandma! (Standing with one arm up in the air for the spout and the other arm tucked into hip as the handle) Yikes! Tauranga Samaritans Ph 07 578 1002 Confidential, emotional support 24 hours a day, every day of the year. They listen, don’t judge and don’t offer advice. Area covered: Tauranga and the Western Bay of Plenty sub-region. Sandwich Generation: From our Hamilton GRG Support Group Have you heard of the Sandwich Generation? Are you perhaps one of us? My elderly parents are really in the years of needing care but they are refusing to be cared for by us. They moved six weeks ago from a three bed roomed house with detached garage to a two bed roomed house with the laundry in the internal access garage. The amount of space lost has meant lots of stuff has still not found a permanent home. We are still not sure why they did it! Mother says that Father has Alzheimer’s disease. She does have Manic Depression and is very unwell physically and in great pain after a fall that has jarred her severely arthritic back. Although four out of their six children and their spouses were on hand to help over the two days of the house moving, and the others have been since to do things, I have just been told that we are all unhelpful and have not been there for them! My sister and I are braving the wrath of our parents and going to meet with their doctor on Wednesday morning to discover just what the health situation is and how we can or if we should seek help for them. If there is no newsletter next month you will know that I perished in a fiery blast from Mother when she finds out! That folks, if you did not know, is the sandwich we are in, the elderly on one side and the grandchild and other children on the other. If you also know the feeling of being in the middle too well, I feel such sympathy for you. New GRG Support Groups: Masterton, Whangamata & Waiheke Island We welcome the following: · Erin Bradley from Masterton Phone 06 304 9981 email erin.bradley@clear.net.nz · Pirihira Kaio from Waiheke Island Phone 09 917 7642 email Pirihira.Kaio001@msd.govt.nz · Sue McGregor from Whangamata Phone 07 865 6321 This brings our GRG support groups up to 40. Grey Power Magazine dated July 2005 We noted with interest that at the Grey Power Conference Winston Peters’ (NZ First) speech contained the following: “Ensure that, where Grandparents provide for their grandchildren under circumstances similar to Foster care, they receive appropriate benefits.” GRG Trust would much rather this said, “the same benefits”. Seasons Growing Through Grief Is available in these parts of New Zealand: Auckland, Howick, North Shore, Henderson & Manurewa. Then Napier/Hastings, Tauranga/Mt Maunganui, Opotiki: Taupo/Turangi, Whakatane, Rotorua, New Plymouth & Timaru. There are several different programmes available: Children 5 - 12 years Teens 13 - 18 years Enquiries in the first instance to either: Donation if able: or no charge. Media Wellington GRG’s appeared on Dr Tom on Monday 30th at 11am on TV2. Cecile and Evelyn did extremely well in this ½ hour show. The article above is a direct result of this television show. From the Ministry of Social Development on Child Care Q I need help with pre school care, can I get help? Child Care Subsidy is for pre schoolers. Q I need help with before and after school care, can
I get help? It was a small provincial Town The Grandmother was giving her grandson a treat at McDonalds. Alongside her sat a woman with a small child. The grandmother concerned could not believe what she was hearing. This woman was from CYF and was a social worker she spoke to the child in a very loud voice. She continued to call this small lad by his most unusual name and then proceeded to tell the child that his parents were ‘rat bags’. The surrounding tables were all able to hear her conversation with this unfortunate child. This grandmother was horrified at what she had heard. Having been recently involved with CYF herself she was afraid to make an official complaint just in case it came back at her 10 fold (this is not unusual a lot of people who have had dealings with CYF are afraid of them). We will say this was South NZ. Appalling! Sex Education for our preteens & teens: As grandparents we never thought we would be put in the position of going through sex education with our grandchildren, this was something their parents should be doing. But for so many of us this is simply not the case and it becomes our responsibility. Now I am sure for many of you this is not a problem. But for some it is, so here is an alternative. You can phone your local Sexual Health clinic for an appointment and they will give the pre & teens advice. There is no cost for this. If you can not access this service then visit your local library I am sure they will have books to cover this subject. And yes they probably know more than we realise. Fight Frustration Help your child learn the patience, practice, and perseverance he needs to overcome obstacles. Five-year-old Mateo sits in front of the mirror, blowing air through his pursed lips. He wants to whistle, just like his grandpa. At first, as he blows gently, the faint notes seem promising. Excited, he blows a little harder, clenching his mouth into an O. But the more he tries, the worse he sounds. Suddenly he shouts, "I'll never learn to whistle!" He bolts from his chair, flips it onto the floor, and launches himself onto his bed, where he lands in a sobbing heap. Hearing the commotion, his grandfather peeks in and asks, "What's the matter?" "I stink at whistling! I'll never be any good," Mateo shrieks. Frustration is inevitable in childhood, especially when a child struggles to master something new or when he's told he can't do, or have, something he wants. Most of us can remember these moments from our own childhood, such as when we first tried to tie our shoes, ride a bike, or hold our breath underwater. We all get frustrated when we are unable, or forbidden, to do what we've set out to do. The resulting feelings of anger, discouragement, and despair can be overwhelming, particularly to young children. The good news is that the challenges that lead predictably to frustration can be turned into opportunities for learning. With your help, your child can learn how to confront and overcome frustration and the feelings that go with it, a valuable skill that he'll need his whole life long. When She Says "I Can't Do It!" Depending on your child's temperament, frustration might result in tears, silent seething and steaming, or blood-curdling shrieks and flying objects. The intensity of a child's frustration is magnified by how insurmountable the barriers seem and how badly she wants to succeed. Until she does, her self-esteem is at stake. For a young child surrounded by adults who are competent in so many things she has yet to master, it is hard to believe that one day she, too, will master the same skills. "I'm no good at this", is only a short step away from, "I'm no good at all", in a young child's mind. As a child faces each new challenge, he needs to learn three things: 1. How to control feelings of frustration. You can help him learn to soothe himself by demonstrating patience and self-control, and by suggesting self-calming strategies, such as cuddling with a favourite stuffed animal; singing a favourite song; taking a break and doing something fun; or beginning the task again with a smaller step so that there is a first success to build on. Your long-term goal is for him to learn to recognise when he's frustrated and what he can do about it on his own. 2. How to believe in herself. You can help her hold on to her sense of self-worth by helping her remember her past successes -- and the struggles that preceded them. Put her current struggle into perspective by recalling other times that she thought she'd never succeed, until she did. Help her learn to notice the strengths that she can count on to help her triumph -- guts, determination, endurance, careful observation (no matter how fledgling some of these qualities may still be). 3. How to keep on trying. You can help your child recognise that learning involves trial and error. Mastering a new skill takes patience, perseverance, practice, and the confidence that success will come. To a young child, achieving success, whether it's writing his name or hitting a baseball for the first time, can seem monumental. Instead of recognising that failure is temporary, a child often concludes, "I'll never succeed." That is why encouragement is by far the most important gift you can give your frustrated child. Take her dejection seriously, but help her look at her challenge differently: "Never," you might reply, "is an awfully long time." Eventually, she'll learn from your encouraging words to talk herself out of giving up. Helping Your Child Cope with "No" The other form of childhood frustration arises when "I want" meets "You can't." When you tell your child that he can't have that candy bar, or stay up past his bedtime, he's bound to struggle. Once he gives in to your requests, of course, he'll be angry and disappointed. Every day your child invests so much of his energy in fulfilling his desires, and he usually expects your support. But in these situations, you play a very different role: You say, "No. And I mean it!" Now rather than encouraging him to persevere when he can't have his way, you need to help him let go of his wish and accept reality. Though she may hold you responsible for her frustration, you still need to help her get it under control. The first two lessons she will need to learn from these types of experiences are similar to the ones she will learn when facing new challenges: how to cool down heated emotions and develop an understanding that her value as a person is independent of always getting what she wants. The third lesson, though, is for parents. When your child can't get what he wants, you must learn perseverance and endurance. If you have wavered in the past, for example, about candy at the checkout counter, your child will be even more frustrated the next time you try to say no. You can certainly empathise with your child's wish at first, even if you've decided that it can't be satisfied: "I know how badly you want it, but I just can't let you." Then, if you stick to your guns, your child will learn that he can balance his wishes with the demands of reality, just as you do. A child who fails to learn these lessons is bound to be unhappy. She'll take such frustration personally, focusing on what she can't have rather than learning to accept that she can't always get what she wants. Teaching these important lessons takes a delicate balance of empathy and limits. When you remain calm, it is easier for your child to be reassured that her desires will not be allowed to rage out of control, and that not getting this or that may turn out to be less important than it first seems. If you are hesitant about saying no when you must, you miss out on teaching your child that living with unsatisfied wishes is a necessity, and not necessarily such a terrible thing. Try these strategies to help your child live with the reality that all his wishes cannot be satisfied, while still sustaining his motivation to express and fulfil his needs: · Be firm, and stand your ground. · Pick your battles. Look for opportunities to balance no with yes. · Offer choices that you can live with -- which book to read, which ice cream flavour to eat, and so on. Don't give choices that you'll need to take back. · Empathise with your child's frustration, and let her know that it is understandable. But don't give in to dramatising her disappointment. She needs to learn to put it into perspective. · Make it clear that other people's needs are important, too, even when facing them, means dealing with frustration. Help your child feel proud that he can handle his own frustration in order to be fair or helpful to others. · Don't protect your child from her own frustration. She may come to feel that she can't count on herself to face reality, and that you don't think she's up to learning to manage her feelings. · Remember that your child will feel reassured both by your limits and by your respect for his growing ability to settle down and control himself. With each new accomplishment, your child learns the indispensable value of patience, practice, and perseverance. With each drama of unfulfilled desire overcome, she gains confidence in her ability to withstand frustration and disappointment, to be the master of her feelings rather than a victim of them. Joshua Sparrow, M.D., a child psychiatrist and assistant professor at the Harvard Medical School, is co-author with T. Berry Brazelton of the new book Mastering Anger and Aggression - The Brazelton Way. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD) · having frequent memories of the event, or in young children, play in which some or all of the trauma is repeated over and over · having upsetting and frightening dreams · acting or feeling like the experience is happening again developing repeated physical or emotional symptoms
when the child is reminded of the event worry about dying at an early age Child and adolescent psychiatrists can be very helpful in diagnosing and treating children with PTSD. With the sensitivity and support of families and professionals, youngsters with PTSD can learn to cope with the memories of the trauma and go on to lead healthy and productive lives. From Our GRG Trust Research NZ – Excerpt Psychological problems More respondents noted the presence of psychological difficulties than physical issues. Seventy four (22.91%) respondents stated that the children in their care exhibited severe aggressive behaviour and 58 (18%) stated that the child was destructive towards their property and that of others. Fifty six respondents (17.34%) cited that their child/ren had been diagnosed as having Conduct Disorder, however, whether this was an actual DSMIV diagnosis was not recorded. Thirty children (9.29%) were noted as having Attention Deficit Disorder, and 40 as having Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (12.38%), some caregivers noting that the children were receiving medication for these conditions. Seven children were recorded as having some type of autism and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was considered as an explanation for behavioural problems by 18.58% (n.60) of caregivers. Six children had dyspraxia and four had Obstructive Defiant Disorder. ‘Other’ conditions noted by the caregivers were eating disorders, reactive attachment disorder, learning disabilities including dyslexia, skin shredding, paranoid obsessional disorder, developmental delay and night terrors. Grandparents Raising Grandchildren ™ Charitable Trust AGM Report 7th June 2005, National Convenor’s Report. This year has been very busy but also very exciting for the Board. The GRG Membership has increased to 2930 members nationwide and the Trust office handled 2571 telephone calls not to mention the huge amount of emails. This year has seen the final development of a new logo for the Trust and we are now identifying our brand with the Trade Mark symbol ™. Applications are being made under the Trade Mark Act to seek full registration and protection. We saw the production and publishing of our GRG Handbook translated into Te Reo. The ‘National Training’ day for our Co-ordinators in Auckland in April 2005 was a most successful and rewarding day for all who attended. The long awaited, and first for NZ, release of our extremely valuable research happened in March 2005. For which we publicly wish to thank and acknowledge our fellow Trustee Jill Worrall and indeed our members who took the time to fill in and return the research questions, Kate Woodd (Trustee) who formatted the final document. This research confirms what the Trust has known anecdotally for many years. Early plans are underway for a national GRG/KIN Conference in October or November 2006. This was supposed to have been held this year but due to financial constraints this became impossible. Media and Radio coverage has been high through out the year with many Members of Parliament taking up our mantel. It would be very fair to say, we, as an organisation have lifted the profile of Grandparents and Kin carers nationally. It is not only our members and other new carers we hear from, it is also Schools, Churches, CYF Social Workers, Psychologists, Lawyers and many other Community organisations who are referring their clients or calling to check what services we supply. I will take the time here to mention again that we are a totally voluntary organisation. Funding: This is a time consuming exercise and a worrying one as one never knows if we will be successful. We need the money to keep the working home fires burning, postage, administration, phone plus our 0800 number (which is doing brisk business) and email accessibility, paper, ink and all the various other items that come with a cost. We have been extremely lucky to have the services of Jenny Kirk who has done a sterling job in the voluntary role she has undertaken. Jenny, for you we give thanks. We also appreciate the many funders who have supported us this past year, long may they continue to do so. Web Site: www.raisinggrandchildren.org.nz . To Liz Douglas who also gives her time freely to this site, we give thanks. Shortly we will be undertaking a total rebuild of this site. Different colours and with all the new user-friendly gadgets available. Secretarial and Financial: Joachim Rehbein, who takes care of the Treasurers job, thank you for all of your voluntary time and effort into this. Business Professional Services Ltd who take care of our valuable newsletter in its production and other secretarial services, thank you. Fellow Trustee’s: Thank you for your time and for what you do for the Trust. Your commitment is nothing short of superb. I would like to take the time to acknowledge our voluntary Co-ordinators who give of their time to help the many kin care and Grandparents via their support groups, of which we have 39. I am extremely proud in what we have accomplished and what is yet to come. NZ Herald June 17 2005 Friday (One of our GRG members) Autistic teens fall through health care 'service gap' By Simon Collins
Marsdan Jacobsen, of Glenfield, has needed frequent hospital care for epilepsy and for heart and lung problems since he was born 14 weeks premature in 1989. During his last stay at Starship in August, Marsdan bit a nurse. Last year he went through a glass door at the Arohanui Special School he attends in Te Atatu after a new teacher aide took him to the pool. His turbulent behaviour led to Starship fitting out a room with safety glass windows for his visits. His paediatrician, Dr Rosie Marks, said that no one in New Zealand offered the type of outpatient service to people with intellectual disabilities that her service provides to children. Dr Marks said she continued to see patients with intellectual disabilities until they are 18 because of a "a service gap". "It would be harsh to say that these children are being banned from Starship. I don't think that is the case," she said. "But there is a conflict of interest between a behaviourally challenged teenager who weighs as much as the nursing staff, and the three-month-old baby in the next room who maybe has just had a delicate neurological procedure." She has agreed to "explore options" for Marsdan to be treated at North Shore Hospital from now on because of his "challenging" behaviour. Marsdan's grandmother and primary carer, Amy Jacobsen, says she needs to know where she can take him next time he has a crisis. "At New Year he was quite badly ill. I didn't have any hospital to take him to," she said. "He needs to be at Starship, but not where he's unwelcome." Marsdan, who has a mental age of 18 months, bites his grandmother at least once a year. He also bites himself when he is anxious or in pain. His grandmother's home has been fitted with plate-glass windows and steel railings to protect electric appliances, but Mrs Jacobsen says Marsdan's hitting and biting don't mean he is angry. "He's good here. He's gorgeous. I love him to bits," she said. Young people with intellectual disabilities used to be cared for in a dedicated hospital at Mangere, but the hospital closed in the early 1990s because of a philosophy that people should be cared for by their families. Carers NZ chairwoman Jan Moss, whose daughter Becky also has high needs, says the parents need help. "The idea of inclusion is great, but it's going to need quite a bit to make sustainable services available to kids like Marsdan and Becky," she said. Deputy director-general of health Geraldine Woods said the Ministry of Health was creating respite services for people with high needs, although she did not offer changes in acute hospital services. Another pilot service will provide support for young people diagnosed with ASD between last month and next January. The Ministry of Health plans to open two centres offering respite care for teenagers with physical disabilities and high and complex needs by the end of the month. The Ministry is also launching a project next month to provide "early communication support" to prevent children with Autistic Spectrum Disorder from developing behaviour problems. "To address the immediate needs, two facilities in central Auckland and North Shore will specifically target young people (aged 16 and over) with physical disabilities and high and complex needs, as well as those with Autistic Spectrum Disorder. "These two facilities will provide both emergency and planned respite care and are due to be open by the end of the month." We have many grandparents raising their Grandchildren with a similar story to Amy’s. Older people are having to raise the most difficult of children with no respite and minimal help. It would be fair to say that we have grandparents who are being abused by grandchildren who are mentally unwell, both physically and mentally. Their lives have become a living hell in some instances. We also ask the question what about the pre teen children? We have spoken to Amy (one remarkable Gran) and we are happy to report that since this article appeared people have swung into action. MAY 2005 Carers Summit: “Earth Angels” Photographer Terry Winn. Amy and Marsdan – Amy is a grandmother who has been looking after her grandson Marsdan virtually since birth. I think Marsdan is now 14 or 15. This was the second shoot in the project. I turned up and I had all these wonderful things in my head as photographers do about how you’d like to put things together and do such and such, and we walked into her home and it was like entering a war zone, to me that is. There was no glass in any of the pictures on the walls, the kitchen had grills that came across, all the doors had locks fairly high up, in Marsdan’s room all the wall paper was scratched and ripped. Thomas the Tank Engine obviously was a favourite subject and in the exhibition there’s a picture of Amy with Marsdan as Thomas the Tank Engine is playing on the video. Amy sat there and sang the song, as I’m sure she has watched the video many, many times, but still she watched as if it was the first time she had seen it. And while I was concerned about how to make this photographic piece, not of art but just to try and capture the moment, Marsdan kept on picking up my camera bag because he thought I was the taxi man wanting to take him to his special school. So I got my camera bag back and Amy settled him down. I picked up the camera and Marsdan picked my camera bag up and started heading for the door again. So as I said, she put on Thomas the Tank Engine in his bedroom, the video up fairly high where he can’t reach it, and through all of this craziness to me she said some beautiful things. She said that people don’t understand the joy these children bring. We have reproduced the following article from Anthony Kane MD due to the number of calls we have had of late regarding this problem: What to Do When Your Child is Stealing Introduction: My Child, the Thief Young children do not steal. Children below the age of four or five do not have a concept of ownership. They do not understand that it is wrong to take things that belong to others. By the time a child enters elementary school, he should know that stealing is wrong. Often children at this age take things because they lack self-control. A preteen or teen may steal for the thrill of it or because that is what friends are doing. He may be trying to gain a feeling of control over his life or to fill an emotional void. Whatever the reason a child is stealing, the parents need to approach the problem with wisdom. If the parents just react according to their natural inclination, their response will almost certainly be wrong and destructive. Why a Child Steals Younger children have difficulty with self-control. A child may take something although he knows that stealing is wrong simply because he can’t help himself. You have to give your child the ability to get what he wants in an honest way. Also, you must try to minimize the temptation. 2-Child’s Basic Needs are Not Being Met Children are completely dependent on their parents for all of their needs. A child who feels that his needs are not being met will eventually take the matter into his own hands. The easiest way for a child to do this is to take what he needs. What a person needs is subjective. Even though a parent may not feel that a child should have something, it might be a real need for the child. For example, if the child’s school friends have pocket money, then your child could have a need for pocket money. He will feel a lack if he doesn’t have it, even if you provide him with everything that he wants. This type of child may be tempted to steal money just so he has money like everybody else. 3-Child Needs More Attention Probably the most common reason that children steal is that they feel an emotional lack in their lives. A child who does not have his emotional needs met, feels empty inside. He may take things in an attempt to fill the void. Often children who steal are lonely or having trouble in school or with friends. They lack the tools or the opportunity to express their feelings. Many children do not get the attention they need. Such a child may feel unloved or that the parents are not interested in him. This may or may not be true, how your child perceives your attention is more important than the amount of attention that you give. These children may translate their emotional needs into material desires. Stealing is their way for these children to express their discontent and to seek gratification. 4-Child Needs to Have Control Over His Life Children are acutely aware of their vulnerability. They lack control over their lives. Some children have difficulty with this. If the child has trouble feeling dependant, he may steal to gain a sense of control or to rebel. 5-Peer Pressure Older children are pulled after what their friends do. If the child is with a group of children that feel stealing is exciting, the child may steal to be part of the group. Sometimes, a child may steal to show bravery to friends. What to Do When You Suspect Your Child is Stealing Don’t overreact. When a child steals it does not mean that he is a thief or is headed for a life of crime. It is really no different than any of mistake that your child makes. 2-Do not Take it Personally Children steal to get attention. If your child is stealing from you and you take it as a personal attack you are reinforcing the reason the child stole. 3-Do Not Accuse or Confront Your Child This point must be stressed. You must catch your child in the act so that the situation speaks for itself. You can never challenge your child with circumstantial evidence. Either the child will lie and you will reinforce his dishonesty or he will confess. If he tells the truth and you punish him, you will be teaching him that it pays to lie. Either way you are stuck. Circumstantial evidence won’t do. Hearing that your child stole from a third party won’t do. If your child denies it, then you are forced to believe your child. If you don’t, then you will show your child that you don’t trust him. Nothing encourages a child to be dishonest more that knowing that his parents don’t trust him. If the child confesses, you will not be able to punish him. Even if you are 99% sure your child is stealing that is not good enough to accuse him. For example, say that you look in your purse and the brand new $50 you took out from the bank yesterday is missing. You put your child’s laundry away and you find hidden among his things your brand new $50. You did not catch your child. Maybe someone else also lost a new $50 bill and he found it. Maybe your $50 fell out of your purse and your child found it on the street. Unless you see your child reach into your purse and take out the $50 you did not see him steal. 4-Make Sure that Your Child Knows What He Did is Wrong This is particularly true of a younger child. What to Do When You Catch Your Child "Stealing is wrong. You would not want anyone to take your toy. So it's wrong for you to take this toy." Never imply that your child is bad. Stealing is bad, not the child. Do not call your child a thief, dishonest, or a liar or any other name that you do not want him to become. When you give your child a label, he will grow to fill that label. Correcting the Wrong If Your Child Stole Money from You Hide Temptation Putting the Incident into the Past Continue to Trust Your Child Be a Model of Honesty Conclusion Caregivers course application form Send one application per course per person, four weeks before course commencement Applicant to complete – please print clearly Course Details Course title: ........................................................................................................................ Course location: ........................................... Course date/s: ................................................
Applicant’s Details First name: .................................................. Family name: ................................................. Address for correspondence:................................................................................................ ........................................................................................................................................... Contact phone: ( ): ................................. Mobile: ( ) .............................................. Email: ................................................................................................................................. Ethnicity:...................................................... Iwi:................................................................
Care Details Are you a caregiver: Yes/No Number of years caregiving:........................... Type of care: Kinship o Whanau/family agreement o Name of care organisation/agency:........................................................... Area:...................
Special Requirements Assistance required for: o Childcare o Travel Do you have any special requirements (e.g. disability, transport, childcare, etc.)? ........................................................................................................................................... ........................................................................................................................................... We will provide morning and afternoon tea and biscuits. Meals will not be provided.
Signature:..................................................... Date:.............................................................
Free phone 0800 care 0k (0800 227 305) or ( (04) 913 2168 Fax 04 914 4473 Return application to:
CYF Training for July (Free of Charge) To register contact Maxine Carroll 0800 227 305 fax 04 9132168. CYF will reimburse petrol money and childcare costs. 01 & 02 July LOWER SOUTH School holidays are approaching fast; we hope you and your charges have a happy safe holiday. Di National Convenor and the team. E te Atua, aroha mai..... O God shower us with love Ka kite return to top |