SUBJECT: National Office NZ Report June 2008

Carer Data base: 3713
Greetings, Kia Ora koutou katoa hope this finds you all well.

GRG Trust and fantastic news:
We are delighted to tell you that we have secured full funding from Sky City to undertake the GRG/kin research 2008. This will go before the ethic’s committee and we have begun the task of compiling the questionaire, Jill Worrell will undertake this and will be standing down from the GRG Trust Board whilst this happens. We again ask you to express your interest in taking part. We especially are calling upon those who took part in the 2004 research and those who did not but have been caring for 4 years or more, even if the children have moved back with parent/s or on to independance. Please email, write to us or phone if you would be willing to partake. This is so very important. Come on folks we only have 48 registered to recieve this so far! We know you will rally to our cause.

Correction from June Newsletter:
NZ Families:
Web site should be www.nzfamilies.org.nz/parenting

GRG Support Groups Meeting news from around the Regions:
Christchurch/Rangiora GRG’s: Monthly Meeting:
When: 1st Tuesday of the Month. Where: 1st floor - "The Gables" 96 High Street, Rangiora Chambers of Farlaw: Norm Farquhar, Barrister. 10am -11.30am: Venue contact: 03) 313.7060
Bring yourselves, your grand’s, your good humour, your problems, and open mind. Enjoy a cuppa, a chat and a time to relax and meet others in the same situation!! Contact: Jan on 03) 3136487. Leave a message if unavailable,

Wellington Central GRG Group:
Terry has had to give up the co-ordinator role for her group due to 2 busy grandchildren, husband’s recent surgery and working full time. Sally Kabak has agreed to take over her role. Sally can be contacted on 027 499 0133 or 04 499 4708. Email Gparentswgtn@cs.com

Tauranga and Katikati meetings:
Meetings here are 1st Monday of each month at Palmers Garden Centre Bethleham 10am and 3rd Monday at Katikati Resource Centre Beach Road Katikati next to Kati College, we have some interesting speakers coming over the months: Colleen Tauranga GRG Co Ph 07 578 5341 email ROSSGE39@xtra.co.nz

Papakura/Franklin GRG Support Group Meeting dates:
Meetings to be held 30 July Wednesday at the old school hall for 10.30am and 6.00pm, come along and meet others in the same situation. I am having two meetings to cover the working grandparents. Aylson Wilcock Ph 09 239 1096 or 021 948508 email alyson.wilcock@xtra.co.nz

And there after the last Wednesday in every month.

Calling East Auckland GRG Members:
Panmure, Glen Innes, Howick, Tamaki, Glendowie, Remuera, Kohimarama, Pt England.
A combined meeting has been organised for you by Anne van der Straaten ( East Auckland co-ordinator) and Alison (our GRG Field Officer) at the Glen Innes Community House, 96 Line Road, Glen Innes at 10.30 am on Monday, 28th July. Parking is in the car park in front of the Community House. return to top

Future Silver Fern:
Yeah for us, our year 3-4 netball team won their game today. A long time coming, but got there today. I was so pleased for them. Next term we play for the Netball Trophy, so need to win all our games (or at least the majority). We had a team playing together. Guess who had player of the day? No not me, our little one. No, I had nothing to do with it. I was the umpire and a fair one. I am so proud of her! our girl deserved her trophy she played really well. Grandma Shirley

Magic days:
School Holiday’s: another perfect day, the grandchildren spent the afternoon at the beach gathering starfish and putting into the one pool, so they would be together as a family and not frightened or lonely. Children make interesting examples don't they Gran C

”He’ll be OK”, By Celia Lashlie:
This book has been highly recommended by our Te Awamutu GRG grand’s.
“Before Your Teenagers Drive you Crazy Read This” By Nigel Latta
Nigel (Clinical Psychologist) has seen it all, and he has a way of bringing even the most difficult situations into a fresh perspective. return to top

Food Budgeting Tips:
Years ago before soft butter we used to beat the butter up with hot water and kept in the fridge, it stayed soft to spread and went twice as far. I cannot remember the water butter ratio. Can anyone help?

A suggestion for making the milk go further: I buy cheapest milk ( it all comes from the same place just different labels) tip half into another bottle and top up with skim milk powder one cup to one litre water. The children commented on the slightly different taste for the first bottle (I told them it was a different brand, quite true "Grandma's special") it seemed different but after that never noticed.
The milk powder costs 1 dollar a litre so I save that amount on each 2 litre bottle. Grandma M

Wrinkly, soft Apples
You know the ones that always end up in the bottom of the veg draw and the children won’t eat. Don’t throw them out. Peel and core and boil; in water, they re-hydrate then use for pies, sauce or stewed fruit for pud’s.

Email us with your budget savings ideas. It has come to our attention that there are a number of web sites containing budget tips and if you register with this one, they will email weekly tips. www.simplesavings.co.nz check it out and www.kiwifamilies.co.nz Also www.powersavers.co.nz examples:
If you're home in the evening, put on another layer of clothing or get under a blanket before turning on your heater.
When you're not using it switch it off!
Only light the room you are using & switch off all appliances when not home.
Rinse dishes in cold water.
Unplug cell phone chargers.
Fill a Thermos full of boiled water & use for tea & coffee during the day instead of boiling the jug each time.
Shut down your computer at the end of the day.

School Uniform:
After 1 year and ½ the uniform had got very thread bare in the back, I simply could not afford a new $84 one and they had no second hand ones,
So I picked up a large iron on patch of the same colour, and it worked perfectly. return to top

Painful Injection Site: Flu Immunisations etc.
Put a warm (but not hot) flannel on the area - and take 2 Panadol, if too bad.
Don't overly exercise the area and don't rub too much, as if its internal bruising, it can make it worse.
Nurse Jan

Awareness to parents and caregivers:
I would like to share with parents and caregivers an experienced I had with my twelve year old grandson. My grandson purchased a cell phone with out our permission to the value of $300 from a local business retailer.
Yes! as a caregivers we should know what our grandson’s activities are. However, no questions were asked from the retailer, a direct purchase transaction was made. My grandson was given an invoice with his name, item and cost printed on the docket. Yes! A lot of money for a twelve year old!
After speaking with the owner of the business he stated, he had no moral responsibility or rights to question our grandson. e.g ask for prove of identification! The owner stated in some situations some parents allow their child to purchase $300 - $500 cell phone, if he had asked questions, some parents would get upset. I explained that I would rather have an upset parent who is aware of the purchase, than a parent, caregiver that is not aware of their twelve year old purchasing a $300 cell phone.
A refund on the phone was an option but only if the phone was not used, what teenager is not going to use a cell phone that they have purchased.
With, the problems we have with teenage text bullying! Don’t retailers have some responsibility! Or is it all about money! Mrs C.

Tip From Parents Inc:
Change your mode of communication. Some children get resistant to hearing requests made verbally – or act if they have not heard you. Use a ‘stick it’ pad or a message on a clip and write the instruction out for them and put in a place they will see. This could be the fridge, the mirror in their bedroom or even on the television screen. ‘Please bring in the washing before soccer practice ’It is hard to argue with a written instruction and easier to cooperate with one.

Smile.
An elderly gent was invited to an old friend’s home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names." The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said.
"Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!!!" return to top

Guidelines for older people; Preventing Elder Abuse and Neglect
- Communicate needs and develop interests
- Set clear boundaries and discuss these with the people involved so they don’t take advantage of you.
- Keep in touch with family and friends and maintain your community networks.
- Talk to family, friends and other people you trust about your wishes and write them down.
- Develop interests that you can continue if your health or other circumstances change.
- Keep your property safe
- Keep your cheques, cards, PIN numbers and other important documents in a safe place and don’t give them to other people.
- Seek advice
- Seek independent advice about making an Enduring Power of Attorney from a lawyer of your choice, the Public Trust or a Trustee company:
– Explain your needs and carefully consider your choice of attorney(s) and their responsibilities, for example, how, when and to whom the attorney(s) will report.
– Review your Enduring Power of Attorney as your circumstances or relationships change.
- Make a Will and review it as circumstances change.
- Seek independent legal advice to make sure you are protected if you provide finance for a property owned by family or others, even when you intend to live with the owners.
- Plan ahead
- Consider your future housing needs and find out about other options before you become unable to manage in your current home.
- Think very carefully about moving in with family/friends or having them live with you. Discuss it with someone you trust who is not directly involved.
- Consider future transport needs to help you to remain independent for as long as possible.
- Find out about available support services in your community before a crisis arises.

Guidelines for families and carers
- Respect the older person’s wishes
- Remember that older people have the right to make decisions and remain independent for as long as possible.
- Talk with older family members about their wishes while they are able to participate fully.
- Communicate openly
- Ensure older family members have information, or know where to get information, about matters that affect them.
- Encourage positive relationships between the generations and ensure that boundaries are openly discussed and agreed.
- Consult extended family members about the care of an older family member.
- Think through the issues
- Consider the needs of your own family before taking an older family member into your home, for example, how the arrangements will affect you, your partner and children.
- Consider the practical details of providing care in your home, for example, bathroom and toilet facilities, cooking and sleeping arrangements, privacy and time out.
- Consider the implications before moving in with an older family member, such as different lifestyles, values and beliefs.
- Delay making permanent, long-term decisions in a crisis. For example, on the death of one parent take time to consider and discuss options with your remaining parent before taking any action.
- Consider your own needs and plan ahead.
- Talk to support services
- Find out about the support services that are available in the community to assist older people, their family and carers.
- Be kind to yourself
- Do not feel you have failed if you are unable to provide care or need to relinquish care.

Help is available
Many situations involving elder abuse and neglect can be resolved by talking with someone who understands the issues. Contact Age Concern New Zealand (04 801 9338, www.ageconcern.co.nz) or your local Age Concern listed in the White Pages, to find an elder abuse and prevention service near you.

These Guidelines were first published by the Families Commission in their publication fact sheet ‘Preventing Elder Abuse and Neglect’ and were provided by Age Concern New Zealand. They are reprinted here with permission. For a copy of the fact sheet, contact enquiries@nzfamilies.org.nz return to top

The Big Buddy Programme
(Grandmothers can access this service)

Prepared by Richard Aston, Big Buddy Mentoring Trust Chief Executive - Aug 2004.

The Big Buddy mentoring programme is based on the simple philosophy that boys need good male role models in their lives to become good men. Unfortunately, many boys do not have a father or other male role model and while their mothers do courageous work in raising their boys alone, they cannot model maleness. And above all else, boys learn through modeling.

A simple solution is to find these boys a male mentor to foster a relationship similar to that of say an uncle, which can turn into a relationship for life. To this end, Big Buddy recruits and rigorously screens men from the community to act as mentors to these fatherless boys. The Big Buddy mentor contracts to spend at least two hours a week with a boy or adolescent (Little Buddy, aged 7-12) for at least a year. They spend quality time together, doing ordinary things like kicking a ball round a park, fishing, walking on the beach or visiting a museum. The content of the outings is not important - just showing up regularly and listening to a Little Buddy is probably the most important gift a Big Buddy gives. They can both have a lot of fun in the process! A regular weekly phone call adds continuity to the relationship. Big Buddies and Little Buddies are screened before they are matched and Big Buddy provides ongoing support for the relationship.

The idea is simple yet profound in its reach. It simply involves a good man showing up every week into a boy’s life, assuring him another man cares for him and giving him a model of what it means to be a good man. No coaching, no psychological behaviour management, no blaming of parents.

Knowing there is a man he can trust to show up and to listen will increase the boy’s self-esteem and improve his relationships. He will do better at school and he will be less inclined to crime and abuse. The statistics on positive mentoring are compelling.

In a world increasingly overwhelmed by social problems, men often ask what one man can do to help. At Big Buddy we witness the outstanding results of one man simply taking one boy out once a week. It’s profound. As our brochure says “One man can’t save the world … but he can make a world of difference to one boys life”. It’s that simple.

The programme currently covers the Auckland region of New Zealand but due to increasing demand planning is under way to expand the programme to the Upper North Island of New Zealand. return to top

How the programme works
The Big Buddy Programme has run successfully in Auckland since 1997. We have developed a safe and effective programme, accepting male volunteers and boys from a wide range of backgrounds.

Our main criteria for men wanting to become Big Buddies are:
• They are men of good character
• They will be good male role models
• They are safe and trustworthy
• They are reliable
Our main criteria for boys needing mentors are:
• They have very little or no contact with their natural father
• They are aged between 7 to 12
• They are not considered severely at risk
• They are ‘on board’ with the idea.

Before a potential mentor applies we ensure they have good information about the programme through our web site, brochure and a personal orientation talk (in person or by phone). Once an application is received we go into a screening and training process.

To establish that volunteer men are of good character and will make good role models, we screen using the following process:
1. Character references - we talk to three referees the applicant provides
2. Police check - reveals any criminal record and pedophile alerts
3. Doctors reference - a written opinion from the applicant’s doctor
4. Home interview - one to one interview in the applicant’s home deeply exploring their motivation and personal background
5. Clinical assessment - psychological profiling questionnaire and a one-hour session with an experienced psychotherapist exploring the applicant’s integrity around sexuality and emotional expression.

Having established good character, the man will be invited to attend a training/educational session (3-4 hours). While the screening process itself has a strong educational element this session provides the mentor an opportunity to recognize his innate mentoring skills and how they are connected to his own fathering. It also provides an opportunity to meet other potential Big Buddies. Nuts and bolts issues are addressed in this session.

A decision is made to accept or decline the applicant based on the results of the above processes, then a 'match' will be negotiated between the man and the mother of a Little Buddy, culminating in a match meeting with the Big Buddy worker, Mother, Boy and Mentor. If all are in agreement, the relationship begins at that point and the mentor and boy will begin meeting for about 2-3 hours a week. The mentor makes a commitment of a minimum of one year, though most relationships continue well past that. The relationship is supported through monthly phone calls and other support as required. return to top

Funding
The Big Buddy programme receives funding from three primary sources
1. The New Zealand Government – Child, Youth and Family
2. Various charitable trusts.
3. Donations from individuals and businesses.

Web site references
For more on big buddy see: www.bigbuddy.org.nz
Or contact the writer: richard@bigbuddy.org.nz
40 Strid Road, Te Atatu South, PO Box 83-031, Edmonton, Auckland 0612 Ph (09) 838 4448
Big Buddy is presently operating in the wider Auckland area, Rodney and Wellington, they are expanding their services thru the country as funding permits. Auckland – 09 838 4448 Rodney – 09 488 3181 Wellington 04 384 4888

Important info: “Phobic Phone Line
The Phobic phone line is available for support. If you experience Panic, Depression, OCD, Stress related disorders, Anxiety, Phobias or PTSD, you are welcome to call and talk to someone.
The number is 0800 1 4 ANXIETY (operates 24 hours, 7 days a week) that’s -0800 1 4 2 6 9 4 3 8 9
We do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. I knew there was a good reason for raising our Grandchildren

Sent to us by a number of members:
Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time..

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. return to top

Unjust for grandparents and kids
By PAT BOOTH - Auckland | Tuesday, 24 June 2008

Thousands of grandparents took a well-deserved bow when Ruth Dyson told the country on Budget night:
"Many grandparents around the country are playing an especially valuable role in caring for grandchildren when they cannot be with their parents. They are sharing their skills and experience with younger generations. They can be great mentors and role models and can make such a difference to young people’s lives."

Later, the grandparents read the fine print.

As Social Development Minister she was announcing a decision to give $24.6 million more over four years to more than 7500 caregivers, including many grandparents, who are parenting more than 10,300 children who cannot be looked after by their parents.

She defined that $24.6m as "not only a positive investment in our children but also recognition of the valuable role played by caregivers such as grandparents, and the costs they face".

That fine print revealed the first of two flaws.

Those "valuable people, great mentors and role models who can make such a difference to young people’s lives" – who are currently getting less than other foster parents – will wait until April 1 next year for parity and that pay rise.
Even then, the increase is not likely to change their lives or the lives of the children they care for.
Sample increases: Up $5.49 to $127.99 (what a strange figure) a week for a child up to four years old, up $8.80 to $148.53 for a child up to nine, up $21.27 to $179.19 for those 14-plus.

But there’s more – or to be precise, there’s less. A second major flaw in the system has still not been fixed. It involves an official ruling that there are apparently three categories of people doing all those good things that Ruth Dyson praised.
There are what are known in the ministry jargon as "non-kin foster parents" who are caring for children they are not related to as the result of a formal CYF care and protection decision. They also get "add-on" payments from the ministry because of "support orders".

Those allowances paid to them include a quarterly clothing allowance of $376.15 each fostered child, pocket money of $12.93 a week (another odd amount) and $89.60 as both Christmas and birthday money.

That’s group one.

Then there are grandparents or other relatives who parent children from their family or whanau under the same CYF arrangement.

And there are others, grandparents or other family who understandably, without hesitation, see themselves as duty-bound to parent related children, but, are not covered by a ministry "support order".
They are family members who step in with no CYF involvement, often long-term, who parent children who are their relatives, actually or effectively made orphans by domestic crisis.

Defined simply as "kin carers" they are still missing out on extras worth $2356.16 a year for a 14-year-old in formal foster care. They continue to fall between the cracks in the grand plan announced by Ruth Dyson for next April.

It’s almost as if the minister and the ministry believe: "Well, family should care for family anyway."

The children on the outer because of this are also penalised.

As it stands – and as the government seems to want to go on – they could look longingly across a suburban fence and see others of their age and background with clothes, presents and the teenage must-haves that they and their family carers cannot afford but which the state finances for the others next door.

Most grandparents, who find themselves in this predicament, raising their grandchildren, make huge financial sacrifices to provide a safe, stable and loving home for children who so often are physically and/or psychologically scarred by the rough, uncaring and sometimes dangerous years they have lived through.

Often too those same caring grandparents have to wage their own bitter legal battle to prevent the children they love and care for from being returned to that terrible environment and dangerously neglectful parents.

They often face huge legal bills to establish safe custodial arrangements for the children – while their proven faulty parents, frequently on a benefit, get legal aid.

Unlike legal foster parents, who are younger than them and mostly have at least one income to draw from, the "grans" spend what was going to be their retirement nest egg and re-mortgage themselves to buy the bigger home needed and meet the many costs of raising children.

They lose what they believed would be the golden years of their retirement.

Where the plight of the children reflects events in their family life they could never have foreseen, grandparents have to weather a double grief.

And there is the heartbreak of facing sons and daughters across courtrooms believing that the children they once shared should never be allowed into the custody of parents who now cannot cope, perhaps suffering the aftermath of drugs, violence, abuse and jail.

Diane Vivian, 58, of Birkenhead, see the issues from many disadvantage points. She and her husband Erin, 59, have been "no kin" grandparents to two sisters, now aged 15 and 17, for the past 10 years, and for nine of those years Diane has been a driving force as national convener of the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust which she founded.

From her experience she talks without personal details about common problems and also extremes – like a couple with eight "kin" kids in their care, the youngest of them autistic.

Diane knows what a difference those $2356 annual add-on payments make. Because of the legal arrangements involved in the care she and Erin give their "two granddaughters – that’s how we think of them" – they don’t get that much-needed cash.

They don’t argue the case for themselves but for those blood grandparents who are carrying the same responsibilities and don’t qualify either.

Diane: "What really presses my button is the situation of these elderly carers, often on fixed incomes dealing with traumatised children, having, for instance, to decide against spending money on their own health and welfare so that little Johnny can go on a school trip."

So she praises the April payments which will then match across foster and "non-kin" households.

But she is far from happy that people in real need have to wait all those months for that money to arrive.

And she is very clearly upset – even angry – over the failure to fix the "add-ons" issue.
She will continue fighting this injustice.

She believes the discrimination involved in the two different payment systems is a breach of UN Rights of the Child rules.
To say nothing of it being an injustice to, in Ruth Dyson’s words, the "great mentors and role models who can make such a difference to young people’s lives" but unfairly have to cope with less.
As do the children they share their love and their life with. return to top

Ruth Dyson: Press Release:
17 JUNE, 2008
New Complaints Process to launch in July
Child, Youth and Family are implementing an improved process for responding to complaints.
"The new system is being implemented to establish a consistent nationwide process that will ensure Child, Youth and Family is a responsive organisation prepared to listen to complaints, investigate them fairly, learn from any mistakes and continually improve their service," said Ruth Dyson, Minister for Social Development and Employment.
"The complaints process needs to be fair, more transparent and more accessible to the clients. That means Children, Youth and Family will have the same processes in all sites and tell people what that process is, so people will receive the same positive treatment right throughout New Zealand.
"The first part of the process is to ensure that Child Youth and Family listen to all concerns at a local level and try to resolve the issues there and then. If the issue remains unresolved, clients can then apply in writing to have an independent Advisory Panel review their complaint.
“This new Advisory Panel creates another level of accountability, but we hope that Child, Youth and Family resolve the issue before it comes to the attention of the Chief Executive and the panel.
“Panel Chair, Mel Smith and panel members Druis Barrett and Jacky Renouf have been appointed on the basis of their credibility, community standing and professional respect and are independent of Child Youth and Family. Their reputations alone lend confidence to the process and I am very pleased that three people with such mana have agreed to contribute their time and effort," said Ms Dyson.
The Complaints Process is part of a larger body of work including a revised Service Charter and the Charter for Children and Young People in Care, which was launched last year. The three initiatives are designed so that the children and families know their rights and understand social workers' commitment to work positively with them.
The revised complaints process will be fully operational by the end of July once staff training is complete.
“It’s important that children and their families are told their rights and reassured that social workers will treat them with care and respect. I am confident that the review of the complaints process and the establishment of the panel, will ensure families and children have an improved way to resolve any issues that arise for them,” said Ms Dyson.

Di
National Convenor and the team.
heoi ano, na

E te Atua, aroha mai..... O God shower us with love
Ka kite

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