Incredible people doing incredible things: greetings and Kia Ora. Membership 3070 families

Phone calls to the Trust office:
For the year of 2005 was 2889.Phew we are busy.

Auckland Regional Co-ordinator Report:
The wider Auckland area was successful in gaining grants from the local area to send 88 GRG children to camps over January. They also received 100 food parcels donated by Harcourts in Auckland and delivered to Co-ordinators by the ICAN Trust. Of the 100 food parcels, 40 went to West Auckland, 29 to North Shore & 31 to South Auckland. ASB Trust donated money to purchase food vouchers which were posted to 40 lucky GRG families Auckland wide. We have been truly blessed this Christmas and sincerely thank all who have assisted. A special thank you, to the GRG co-ordinators, who have assisted us with this also.

Upper Hutt Reports:
They were very well supported with toy parcels from the Red Cross.

North Shore Support Group:
Some needy members received toy parcels from Salvation Army and food parcels from St Vincent de Paul.

Helensville Support Group:
Waitakere Salvation Army supplied Christmas food parcels, toys for both grandchildren & Grandparents.

National Co-ordinator training: March 2-3rd 2006.
This training will see 28 of our 41 Co-ordinators fly and drive up to Auckland for a two-day training session. We even have two grandparents coming from England - they organised their NZ trip to coincide with this. Areas to be covered will be: Sexual Health, Funding, Dealing with stress, Family Court Lawyer, Running support groups, Navigating our web site, Strengthening Families, Understanding Special needs, and SKIP. Hopefully your co-ordinators will be able to take this information back to share with you all.

A GRG Co-ordinator writes:
Right now, with two children to look after, I am feeling quite low, with everything that is going on and the holidays.
I realise that a lot of people are on holiday or visiting family.

You know as co-ordinators we do a lot of organising and running around for our g/parents and yet unless these grandparents are in strife they never give the co-ordinator a second thought, and yet we ourselves are in the same position and need just as much help and support. Please do not ignore us. Give us a call from time to time see how we are doing. Like all other g/parents we are also vulnerable to life and legalities and of course the bios. Maybe in the New Year these other grandparents may become more caring to those who are trying to help.

Please remember that our Co-ordinators are mostly all raising Grandchildren as well. return to top

International GRG Conference in USA:
Grandparents for children organization USA have gained funding to invite International organizations to speak at their conference in New York and they have asked Diane to represent NZ on this International conference in October of this year. Delegates from Canada, USA, Africa and England will be attending as well as New Zealand.

Our GRG Bulletin Board Conversation:
This is a running conversation from our members posted on our web site. We thought we would share it with you.

Post subject: Friends not comfortable with having young kids around

This is one of the hardest things I find to have to cope with. Went to visit one of my best friends of the last 20 years. Her family is all grown and so far no grandkids. I have two adult kids and two teenagers plus now my grandson. When I went to visit over Xmas it was so plainly obvious that she didn't want my young grandson inside, it hurt. This would be one of the hardest parts of taking on your grandkids when your kids and your friends kids are grown up. Your friends have moved on from kids and you have moved back to them. How many others have this problem.

Oh YES

his is just SO TRUE. We have all experienced this and yes you are so right it does hurt. We give up SO much for these children, BUT look on the bright side you have found US!
Hugs

Post subject:

It does hurt, you're right about that. I think we will all face this at some time or other. I have a friend of about 20 years & she doesn’t do kids either. Her grown children live in other states so she has no little ones around her. In fact, as you sensed in your friend, I think she would rather little ones not be around. If I want to go visit her for a couple of hours dear husband will watch g/c for me or I go while she's in school. She used to feel sorry for me but I feel sorry for her. Her life is empty compared to mine. Her house is always clean, she always has nice clothes, hair always done but I have the joy of knowing my g/c is well taken care of & happy. There's happy laughter in my home & in yours & there’s not a sweeter sound than the laughter of a child. Blessings to you.

Yep you got us, and you get to keep us!

I actually have lots more friends now and younger ones too!
At first it was funny being the oldest parent helper at the play centre and then on the PTA but they don't make distinctions about age so I don't either.
An older friend heard me on talkback the other day when they were discussing the P epidemic and she sent me this email:

Hi L....,
For some reason I turned on the radio at 2.00 pm and am still listening at 6.59.
I just wanted to say thanks for being strong enough to make a life for T.... and through him obviously being able to support many others.
I have never been involved in the drug scene and possibly this is due to living a fair distance from town and the pressures this can put on children and parents.
Take care.
W.

So even if they would rather not have the little ones scuffing up their carpets and furniture, they can see that we are doing a very needed service for our treasured grandchildren.

Our life is enriched by grandchild

My friend thinks it is wonderful that we took on our grandchild and like a lot of others says she couldn't do it. It amazes me when people say that they wouldn't do it because what choice do you have but to take on the grandkids unless you want to leave them in foster homes. My life has always revolved around my kids and having the little one with us does enrich our life plus the lives of our other kids living at home. Even thou having grandchild has changed our lives if I had to do it again I would in a heartbeat. return to top

Knowing the signs and symptoms of meningitis could save lives!

DID YOU KNOW…
• That New Zealand has had epidemic proportions of this disease since 1991?
• That 80% of this disease effects the under 20 year old age group?
• That we can carry this bacteria around in the backs of our throats?
• That the bacteria can be spread by coughing, sneezing, sharing drinks

A difficulty with the signs and symptoms of meningitis is that they are similar to teething symptoms in babies. For babies, children and adults meningitis symptoms can look like the flu. Even though the majority of people affected by this disease are under 20 years of age, it is also important to be aware of these symptoms for yourselves as we are in contact with people from all ages and ethnicities who have been affected by meningitis.

A septicaemic rash (blood poisoning) may develop also but we recommend that you do NOT WAIT FOR THE RASH as this is often the last symptom to occur and indicates damage occurring to the internal organs, blood vessels and tissues that can lead to extensive organ damage, amputation of limbs or even death. Quick action can reduce the amount of damage and after-effects that people experience and many go on to live a normal and recovered life.

The Meningitis Trust is a nationwide organisation which aims to raise awareness and educate people about the signs and symptoms of meningitis to ensure prevention and early detection of the disease so that long-term after-effects can be minimised. We have a range of informative pamphlets that are available free of charge.

We also have a range of support services available for those people and their families who have been affected by the disease. These support services are:
• One-to-One Support Network- a network of people who have had meningitis who are there to support others going through a similar experience
• Financial Support Grants- people can apply to us for financial support with regards to rehabilitation costs or bereavement costs e.g. we have approved funding for house alterations for a quadraplegic who lost her limbs from meningitis, a mobility scooter, glasses and hearing aids, and also have funded headstones and funeral costs.
• Nationwide Counselling Service- This is a network of professional counsellors who have been trained on the after-effects of meningitis. Initially we provide 6 free counselling sessions with the option for more should the person or their family need it.
• We also have a 24 hour helpline that is staffed by trained nurses who are also telephone counsellors for those people needing information and support after-hours (0800 446 087)
So… please contact us for any further information or if you would like some of our pamphlets. If you or someone you know has had an experience of meningitis, we would love to hear from you! Even if you feel you do not need any support at this stage, there are people in similar situations that may benefit from hearing your story.
Contact Beth Jenkinson- Community Development Officer Meningitis Trust Ph: (09) 428 2051 or email cdo@meningitis-trust.org.nz

Meningitis Symptoms in babies Meningitis Symptoms in children and adults

? Fever- hands and feet may also feel cold
? Refusing feeds or vomiting. Diarrhoea
? High pitched moaning cry or whimpering
? Dislike of being handled, fretful
? Neck retraction with arching of back
? Blank and staring expression
? Bulging fontanelle (soft spot on top of head)
? Difficult to wake, lethargic
? Pale blotchy complexion
? Vomiting
? Fever
? Headache
? Stiff neck
? Light aversion
? Drowsiness
? Joint pain
? Fitting

I have a rather dirty and smelly subject for you, so if you are of a genteel disposition, you might want to avert your eyes - or at least wear nose plugs! We do not wish to offend you but this is something that many GRG’s have to deal with in raising their grandchildren. This article may be of assistance to them and also for your information should this occur. return to top

Why Children Soil Their Pants and What you Can Do About it.
By Dr. Noel Swanson, MD

NORMAL TOILET TRAINING
Most children learn control of their bowels at about age 2 or 3. If they have NEVER learnt control by the time they are four year old this is known as "primary encopresis" (as opposed to enuresis which refers to wetting). If your children are in this position you should seek help from a pediatrician.

Much more common, however, are children who have learnt bowel control, and then seem to lose it again. Not surprisingly this is known as "secondary encopresis".

There are, of course, a number of reasons why this might occur. In older children it may be a sign of severe emotional disturbance (eg from abuse) and may be accompanied by smearing the faeces on walls, or depositing them in strange places. Again, this probably requires expert help from local child mental health and/or protection services.

The most common problem, particularly in younger children (anything from 2 to, say, 7 or 8) is related to constipation.

Here is what typically happens:

Food is eaten, digested, and passed along the intestines.
Eventually they arrive in the large intestines (colon) whose job it is to dry the stool from liquid to a soft putty texture. When this is done, the stool is passed on to the rectum.

The rectum is normally empty. It has nerve cells in it that detect when it is full, and it is this that give you the urge to go to the toilet.

Toilet training is about recognising those urges and responding to them appropriately.

But suppose, for some reason, that you don't go to the toilet. For example, sometimes children get constipated.
When you are constipated, the stool stays in the colon longer, which means it dries out more, which makes the stool more solid.

Such solid stools can be difficult, and even painful to pass. They may even cause a slight tear in the anus, which is very painful.

This might put a child off the idea of going to the toilet next time, since every time he goes, it is painful.

So, what does he do? Instead of responding to the rectums signals, he "witholds" his stool, and just tries to avoid the whole issue.

The problem of course, is that more stool continues to come down the pipe. Pretty soon you get the whole colon backed up with stool waiting to be passed. And, of course, the longer it hangs around the drier and hard it gets and the harder (and more painful) it is to pass.

A true vicious cycle.

But it gets worse.

First, as I said, new stool is coming down the intestines. At this point, it is still very liquid. This liquid stools comes up against a colon full of solid bricks. But, since it is liquid, it is able to leak past the solid lumps - all the way to the rectum, and out the anus. The result is frequent uncontrollably soiling with small amounts of liquid.

Second, since the rectum is habitually in a state of being full, it gradually stretches, just like a balloon being blown up. As it does so, it loses its strength (just like a balloon, which gets easier to inflate the bigger it gets). It also loses its sensation.

The end result of this is that the child can no longer sense that the rectum is full and that they need to go to the toilet.

And even if they do try to go, the bowel has lost all its strength, making it difficult to pass the stool.

The net result of this?

1. Child does not know that he needs to "go".
2. Frequent soiling of pants with liquid.
3. Occasional passing of more formed stools (when the loading becomes too full) - often without warning, since the child has lost sensation.

Then, in response to all of this, the child may become embarrassed, and try to hide the evidence by hiding dirty pants etc.

This then becomes a chronic condition that can, literally, last for years and years, even forever, if it is not properly dealt with. The longer it goes on, the weaker the bowel becomes, and the harder to correct.

TREATMENT
So what do you do?

The big problem is the flabby, insensitive bowel. So the goal is first to empty it, and then to retrain it back to normal functioning.

To empty the bowel will require positive assistance, ranging from simple suppositories, to laxatives, to enemas, to manual clearance in hospital. So your first step is to go to a doctor - and don't let them brush you off!

Once the bowel has been emptied, it then needs to STAY empty. But since the child has no sensation telling him when to go to the toilet AND a weak bowel even when he does, this stage will also need positive assistance.

You do this by:

a) Developing a clear routing of going to the toilet EVERY day. Since the child will be nervous about this - because of previous negative experiences with toileting - you will have to encourage this by means of various rewards and incentives. My book can help you with this: http://www.good-child-guide.com/index1.html

It is VERY important that you avoid punitive responses. That will only make the child even more fearful of the whole toileting issue.

I suggest that you have a set time each day for toileting, and that this be after a meal. Why? Because the body has what is called the "post-prandial reflex". Basically this means that when you put things into your stomach, your body automatically shunts things along the system, and out the other end. So let's make use of this reflex by training the child to pass a motion at the same time.

This avoids the problem of the child waiting for the "need" to go to the toilet, which won't happen because sensation has been lost.

2. Because the bowel is overstretched, flabby and weak (like a deflated balloon), it needs help in moving stuff along. The best solution for this is to use a mineral oil type of laxative. This is usually available as a pleasant flavoured liquid (mint flavoured liquid paraffin - available in UK), or even as a raspberry flavoured jelly (Lansoyl - not available in UK).

This works literally as a lubricant. It makes the stool so slippery that it CAN'T stay inside, and so gets passed.

Now, the trick is to use this correctly - and very few physicians will tell you this:

Your goal is to achieve a successful bowel motion EVERY day. So you adjust the amount of laxative to achieve this.

If you increase the dose, then there will be more, and easier, bowel motions. It will also leak slightly into the pants. If you decrease it, then there is a risk of no bowel motion. My suggestion is that you give enough laxative that it DOES leak slightly. It is vitally important to get that regular bowel motion even at the expense of some dirty pants.

You MUST do this every day.

If there is a single day that passes without a bowel motion, this requires emergency action. You CANNOT afford to allow the bowel to get backed up again, otherwise you will rapidly return to the same problem and will have undone all the good work up to that point. I cannot stress this enough!

So, if a day passes without a bowel motion, go to the pharmacy, buy some glycerin suppositories, and insert one.
That normally produces action in an hour or two. Then increase the daily dose of laxative slightly.

If ever more days than two pass without action, then it is time to go back to the doctor for more intensive help.

Gradually, provided the bowels stay empty, they should return to their normal strength and sensation. Be warned however, that this normally takes AT LEAST a year, and often two years or more, depending on how chronic the condition was to start with.

Where most people go wrong is to assume, after a few months of success, that the problem is resolved. They then stop monitoring it and, before they know it, their child has missed one, then two, then five bowel actions, and it's all back to square one.

Yes, you can gradually reduce the dose of laxative as you achieve success over the months. But you must still monitor it. Only when you have had a good few months, without laxatives and with no further problems can you begin to relax!
----
Dr. Noel Swanson, MD is specialist child psychiatrist who has treated many children with encopresis. His free newsletter is available from http://www.good-child-guide.com Copyright 2005. This article may be freely reproduced provided this resource box is included. return to top

Teen Poverty: ?
We just spent several hours observing teenagers hanging out at our local mall. We came to the conclusion many teenagers in America today are living in poverty. Most young men we observed didn't even own a belt; there was not one among the whole group. But that wasn't the sad part. Many were wearing their daddy's jeans. Some jeans were so big and baggy they hung low on their hips, exposing their underwear. I know some must have been ashamed their daddy was short, because his jeans hardly went below their knees. They weren't even their daddies' good jeans, for most had holes ripped in the knees and a dirty look to them. It grieved us, in a modern, affluent society like America, there are those who can't afford a decent pair of jeans.

I was thinking about asking my church to start a jeans drive for "poor kids at the mall." Then on Christmas Eve, we could go Christmas carolling and distribute jeans to these poor teenagers. But here is the saddest part...it was the girls they were hanging out with that disturbed us most. Never, in all of our lives, have we seen such poverty-stricken girls. These girls had the opposite problem of the guys. They all had to wear their little sister's clothes. Their jeans were about 5 sizes too small! I don't know how they could get them on, let alone button them up. Their jeans barely went over their hipbones. Most also had on their little sister's top; it hardly covered their midsections. Oh, they were trying to hold their heads up with pride, but it was a sad sight to see these almost grown women wearing children's clothes. However, it was their underwear that bothered us most. They, like the boys, because of the improper fitting of their clothes, they had their underwear exposed. We had never seen anything like it. It looked like their underwear was only held together by a single piece of string.

We know it saddens your heart to receive this report on condition of our American teenagers. While we go to bed every night with a closet full of clothes nearby, there are millions of "mall girls" who barely have enough material to keep it together. We think their "poorness" is why these 2 groups gather at the mall; boys with their short daddies' ripped jeans, and girls wearing their younger sisters' clothes. The mall is one place where they can find acceptance. So, next time you are at the mall, doing your shopping, and you pass by some of these poor teenagers, would you say a prayer for them?
And one more thing...Will you pray the guys' pants won't fall down, and the girls' strings won't break?

We thank you all,
Two Concerned Grandmothers. This phenomenon is happening here too. return to top

Di
National Convenor and the team.
E te Atua, aroha mai..... O God shower us with love
Ka kite