SUBJECT: National Office. NZ. Report April 2004

Supervised Access Center’s:

Together Time / Salvation Army have contacted us to say their policy for any use of addictive substances is zero tolerance. They can be contacted on (09) 441 2554.

This was a fantastic conference and one I was privileged to attend. Listening to the many qualified speakers all I can say is that for our future children, who find themselves in situations of violence and abuse, all is not lost. If, with the added advantage of information gained from Dr Simon Rowley from the Brainwave Trust, Gary Poole with his detailed understanding of P (Methamphetamine) use and its effects upon the children. If the Legal profession, Judges and Councel for Child whom attended take onboard this valuable information we have hope. Real hope that the children’s best interests will really be put first.

These people whom attended are all very well aware of the before and during for these children in court cases but not quite so aware of the after and by after I mean once they have gone into grandparents care or kin care. I was able to in my speech impart the difficulties faced by us all. The difficulties the children face thru accesses, their mental health issues and the special needs that so many of them have. I was also able to impart just how much the grandparents were given financially to raise these special children. Most, if not all were shocked that a 14 year old boy for example only got $112 per week via Unsupported Child Benefit and this was to cover every aspect of his existence, including Psychological Counseling if necessary and to be honest a large number of our grandchildren do. Judge Andrew Becroft spoke with passion about the Youth Law Justice system. If our grandchildren do not get access to counseling to heal past abuse I am fearful that these children will come to the Youth Justice’s attention in the future. .

A number of Lawyers came and spoke to me afterwards and said that they needed to place "Service Orders" when grandparents and others took on the children. I would also suggest that there needs to be court ordered Psychological Counseling for all children who have suffered abuse and neglect. And I did not forget the Legal costs to the grandparents either.

It was wonderful to catch up again with Trish Grant from the Commissioner for Children’s office and to meet Shannon Pakura from CYF. What I was surprised at, was the number of times different speakers referred to Grandparents in their speeches. I feel we are no longer the unrecognized and this is very encouraging, but we still need more support.

I do know that Butterworth’s Law Journal will be reproducing, copies of this conference’s speeches over the oncoming months and this also will filter information out to other Lawyers and Counsel for Child. To the organizers of this conference we send our congratulations on the very high standard of informative guest speakers.

Check out the BrainWave Trust on www.brainwave.org.nz

LexisNexis have sent us our results in regard to our performance in the evaluation of speakers. 38% was excellent we rated at 65% for excellent.

120 Delegates from all over NZ attending this conference. Helen Clark and Ruth Dyson were guest speakers along with me (good grief). Once again I was able to impart the difficulties and the humour in the role of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren. What astounded me was how many from the audience either knew of someone or indeed themselves had raised or was raising their grandchildren. We are just everywhere. I came away with the distinct feeling that Grey Power would be backing us all the way. You see, there for the grace of God go them. Thank you to the organizing committee for inviting us to attend. We know you have a better understanding now of what we face. We have since this conference been contacted that the remit for parity, legal fees and permanent placement for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren was unanimously passed by Grey Power. We have been assured that G/Power will not let this go. We are blessed and the aroha never ceases to amaze me. So take heart all GRG’s we now have an extra 78 thousand people behind us.

Foster Care Federation Conference 16-17 April 04:

It was wonderful to catch up with and to meet again some of our GRG Co-ordinators at this conference. Trish, from Geraldine, Lorraine, from Invercargill, Lynn, from Hamilton and Jill Worrall one of our BOT’s. Plus many others from other organisation I have met over the past 5 years since GRG’s conception.

Both Lynn and I ran 2 courses with CYF’s Richard Mathews and Ian Matheson attending. It was very pleasing to see CYF caregiver Liaison workers attending and social workers plus caregivers too. I explained the harder issues where grands have had children under CYF and then to their care in a legal way. Lynn spoke from an informal point of view. The feedback from those that attended was extremely positive. Again I know those that attended have a better understanding of what we all face in our valuable role. Often CYF know about the before and during in their involvement but the "after" is also very important for the continued well-being of the children.

Dr Cindy Kiro was a guest speaker at this conference and I was very impressed to hear her speak of the issues for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren at a time in their lives where their earnings were diminishing and the costs involved for them in their role in the children’s lives.

Thank you Foster Care Waikato for inviting us to speak.

My goodness we are becoming well known and not just in NZ. We had contact from Peter Ward from England who is doing research in NZ for both CYF and England. He had completed his interviews with Kin carers and grandparents and called in on us for a 2 ½ hour chat.

Also Peter Harris President from a Grandparenting group in England made contact. They obviously are a big organisation, as they not only care for GRG’s but also Grandparents who have lost contact with their grandchildren thru divorce, adoption and other reasons. We too have been asked to take on that mantle, but being voluntary there is only so much we can do and sad as it is for these Grand’s, our priority lies with GRG’s.

We also are being kept abreast of developments via email from Grandparents and grandchildren Society (G.A.G.S.) Australia on their GRG issues. We regularly hear from Cangrands an organisation in Canada.

Is now: 2222. WOW!

This is for the lovely time we all had at a recent 'Easter picnic' arranged by Barbara.  This was just one of several 'get-togethers' that she manages to organise on top of her already busy life. Just thought you'd like to know the Upper Hutt branch is far from 'static' and all involved continue to appreciate Barbara's commitment. With thanks - Margaret Pearson

More importantly, we are with others who face the same or similar issues, through our

GRG support group we all have developed close friends and our grandchildren interact

with other grandchildren who are also being raised by their grandparents. Nanny Sue

To Clem, Grand dad, we send our kindest wishes for a speedy recovery. You take care of yourself. To Grandmother (wife) Shirley, you also take care of yourself. We are thinking of you both.

We have had contact this month from a number of grandparents who have been caring for their grandchildren full time with no formal (court) agreements. They have come unstuck where parent/s has come back in and taken children back, usually after a disagreement. In some cases the children have lived with grand since birth and for a number of years. Now we are aware that some grand’s care for the grandchildren informally due to the fact that Mum is still getting the DPB and they know if they do anything to upset this, the grandchildren will be taken back into a potential dangerous situation, so they stay quiet.

For others that have stepped in and usually to begin with, this is in agreement with the parent/s. But be warned this can and often goes terribly wrong. Particularly where there are mental health issues with the parents or they are users of substances. They are not thinking rationally. What we are about to suggest may sound cold and calculating but it is something we need you to consider. To protect the children in your care you need to get additional guardianship. This gives you standing in the family court. It will make your job easier and less expensive when and if the crunch comes. It does help if the parent/s is agreeable to this additional guardianship, so we ask that you think about this if you are caring for whanau member in a potential explosive situation.

If nothing is done you are in an impossible position. The Police will not help you as the parent/s still has custody; they are within their rights to take the child. This situation leaves the child concerned traumatised at the often sudden upheaval and the grandparents devastated. Lately we have had cases where the parent has uplifted the child from the school, unbeknown to the grand and grandmother had no formal guardianship. We also are aware of cases where there is, no formal arrangements and grandparents are being blackmailed with, "if you do not do this or give me that (usually money) I shall take the child away from you". This is surprisingly common, but then again some will do anything for drug money. Please take care out there. We are aware that some grands that have raised the grandchildren for many years and informally, they have had no problems and do not wish to rock the boat, as it were. This is a judgment call that only you can make.

It came to our attention that a child over 12 years could not be placed under CYF without their consent. Surely this can not be so, we thought. From Minister Dyson’s office we have reproduced the reply:

Under section 140 of the Children, Young Persons and Their Families Act, a
parent may enter into an agreement with CYF, an Iwi or cultural social
service or a Child and Family Support service to care for their child for a
period exceeding 28 days, but not exceeding 6 months (if the child is under
7 years) or 12 months (if the child is 7-16 years).

Section 144 of the Act states that no agreement under section 140 can be
entered into in respect of a child 12 years or older unless that child
agrees in writing to the agreement……..Good grief ! Where does this leave parents and indeed other caregivers who are doing the hard yards?

Web site: www.occ.org.nz or free phone 0800 224453 Monday to Friday 8.30am – 5pm.

Their web site is undergoing radical changes and may not contain the correct information at present. They expect it to be put right over the next 2 months.

On line Law related catalogue. www.lawaccess.Isa.govt.nz

Disability Information:

If you are hunting for disability information free phone 0800 693 342 or email dis_help@xtra.co.nz

Ph/fax 09 488 0210

We can not stress to you as to how important this is for us. Please return this back to us in the pre paid envelope as quickly as possible once you have received this. We are extremely excited about this research. You will get this by the middle of May 04.

We are thankful to Lotteries for the funds to enable us to employ a part-time secretary. This will let your ‘little Red Hen" (Di) have a bit more free time to do other things, which will benefit GRG’s.

Dominique Young has been elected for the position of Co-ordinator for West Auckland. Her contacts are Ph 09 817 8762 email domnjim@xtra.co.nz. Welcome Dominique.

CYF Wellington has been supplied with 180 of our GRG handbooks for their Caregiver Liaison workers:

• To give them an understanding of GRG issues
• So they can make the caregivers aware that this publication exists
• An application form for ordering this handbook will also be supplied

A poignant article on an Individual Education Program (IEP) written by Helen Morgan (A Parents Perspective) but grandparents will be able to relate, for we too have gone thru this gate.

I entered slowly into the room
They looked, wondering where I had parked my broom
Six of them, with papers stacked high
My heart missed a beat, I let out a sigh
You see, like a fool
I just want my boy to go to school
To learn what he is able, and to socialize
That is when they rolled their eyes
They gauge things on a scale of normal
Academic achievement a structure they know is far too formal
Professionals with years of training
Great ideas and strategies
Yet our simple demands would not appease
So many reasons for "why not," "It’s not possible," "no we can’t"
It was beginning to sound like the school chant
And so I sat and heard them say
Everything my child could not do in the normal way
Those words like acid poured into my heart
Finally I did it, I fell apart
As tears rolled freely down my face
The meeting took a different pace
"You know we don’t know how you cope"
Was the next most pathetic thing they spoke (God, I should have stayed at home in bed)
We just never give up hope that is how we cope
Maybe one day with the right medication mix
His behaviour and seizure control we might just fix
Out of his shell he will come
With eyes sparkling and full of fun
Finally they will see the beautiful child inside
That drugs and epilepsy has done its best to hide
The love he gives and the joy he brings
You see, they don’t notice the most important things
And so to all you professionals out there
I ask one thing……..
Please take care
When you speak about our children
You do not need to tell us what they cannot do
For we live with them and know them better than you
In my shoes you would not walk for a week
So don’t you dare judge me when you speak
With a lot of patience, understanding, compassion and creative flair
We can all get what we want and meet in the middle somewhere!

From the Vivian home: School Holiday Camp:

My girls have returned from a 6 day long stay at Shakespear Camp. I really enjoyed my time without them, but at times the silence was almost deafening. As I drove to pick them up I was not looking forward to the tiredness fighting in the car. One came back covered in spots and the other with a big chunk of skin missing from under her foot. We staggered in the door with their bags full of stinking wet clothes. Why is it that even though you supply spare plastic bags they still throw their wet, dirty washing on top of the clean? Too busy having fun, one supposes. The constant scratching of the hair called to me loud and clear. Showers were first order of the day, their feet black with dirt, which looked as if it had been there for a week. Attendance of the wound and those spots took priority over the critters that they had bought home. The first load of washing had been put on with another 9 to follow. Armed with the trusted old bottle of vinegar and baby oil mix, fine toothed nit comb, towels, and magnifying glass (eyes find it hard to spot these small creatures) and over tired children, we began the laborious task.

An hour later, and nit free, with the washing machine still humming, and husbands comment "looks like a Chinese laundry in there" dinner was on it’s way. Two very tired girls clean, fed and watered went early to bed. I am still washing and looking at the growing pile of clothing that needs folding and ironing. The eldest grand-daughter called to me sleepily as she departed "I feel sorry for you Nan with all that washing" So, my darling do I, (the price we pay.) Worth it? I will let you know after all washing, folding and ironing has been done.

and

Saturday morning working away quietly on this newsletter youngest Grand-daughter came over and holding a bright red Bottle Brush flower announced. "I went down to the gate to get this for the parrots and two people, a man and a woman pulled up in a green car and asked my name, then they said to get in the car" Well this certainly got my attention. I asked her was she telling the truth. "Yes" she said. A quick 111 phone call was made. Within 10 minutes there were 3 burley policemen at the door. Young grand-daughter had a look of total shock on her face, when she saw them, but proceeded to tell them what happened. The Policeman (why do they all look like they are 18) told me they had found the green car she had described with the people in it that she described also. They were going thru the inorganic collection people had left on the street and were just down the road. We had some too, at our gate. All these poor people had done was say to her "Hello what’s your name?" as they had a look thru the inorganic. But her mind had taken this indeed a lot further. She is a concrete thinker and their joke comments, "well you look good enough to pop in the car too" had led her to a different conclusion to what was actually said in jest.

A quick quiet word with the Police that she is under the mental health team saw them totally understanding, as I apologised profusely for wasting their time. As these children are so convincing in what they tell you, he said it was better to go on the side of caution.

I am taking the girl’s off to the Library now, where they have to be quiet and I can lower my stress levels.

Take from this that children, who have been abused and neglected in the past do sometimes, say bizarre things and because we are so in tuned with protecting them, sometimes things go wrong.

But, also I will say this can be so, where an allegation against you is made. Sometimes too these children will say something bad against you to another and yes even a social worker, and it can come about due to lack of understanding or miss-interpretation of what you have said. Or even worse as pay back because you did not let them do something they wanted to do.

Some children who have suffered abuse and neglect DO make up stories and DO manipulate and tell lies. They have no idea of the serious consequences. It leaves us, as caregivers in an awful position.

Di

Convenor and the team.. return to top

* Please feel free to send this report on to others whom you think may be interested:
* Please pass this on to other grandparents/kin carers you know of.
* Views expressed in this news letter may not be the views of the GRG Trust.
* GRG Trust Head Office hours are 9am-3pm daily. (We raise grandchildren too)
* We are a voluntary organisation.